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Ty's One-shot Competition: The Results

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Ty's One-shot Competition: The Results

Shu Jing environment

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

A Word from the Host

  • Hey guys, Ty here. Before I get to the scores, I just want to say a few things. Way back during that crazy contest phase on the Wiki last winter, the one with Minn's action contest, MibuWolf's tragedy contest, and a few other ones I don't recall at the moment, I had the idea to host a one-shot contest. I wanted it to inspire creativity and get users involved in the fanon portal, and after having read 24 of your best efforts, I can safely say holding this competition was one of the best decisions I've made in my young life. It comes in at 3rd on my list of good choices: the first being purchasing all the Avatar DVD's, and the second being going with the Baja Blast flavor of Mountain Dew at Taco Bell. I pat myself on the back for making a word limit, too. But, seriously, you guys blew me away.  
  • Now, I'll address the topic you've been waiting for. In the first blog, I outlined the rules and guidelines, and I told you I'd be reviewing, scoring, and analyzing each one-shot; I did just that. I read each one-shot and took into account the three main categories I use in my FRS Reviews: Writing, Content, and Reading. I scored each category and included analysis of what was outstanding and what could've been better. Please don't give me a hard time about my critiques; I'm just one guy, and I graded each one fairly and to the best of my abilities. In an extremely subjective contest, I tried to be as even and objective as possible.
  • In conjunction with scores, I also awarded each story a "title," as you will soon see. These titles are meant to be solely for fun, and they are not meant to be taken seriously. After reading each story, I put down whatever I liked, whatever came to mind.
Feel free to add this userbox to your profile:
 This user's one-shot won the award for "Most Enlightening" in Ty's One-shot Competition

Just type {{User:Typhoonmaster/Ty's Contest|name of one-shot|name of award}}

FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Results

One Hand by Kuir

One Hand

  • Total Score: 7.6
  • Award for: "Most Reminiscent of Beowulf"
  • Writing: 8.3 - Overall, the spelling was good. I thought different word choice in some situations could’ve added to the tension of the scene; some of the descriptions seemed a bit off and out of place, for example, “He walked to a fire and readied for the pain.” I just feel like the writing could’ve been more efficient and reflective of the scene.  
  • Content: 7.3 – It’s a tough task to write a one-shot in less than 1000 words. I thought the whole history of spirit war is too big of an idea to truly capture in a one-shot. It was hard for me to get a real grasp about the importance of all the things like Nifrin, Ish Kash, The Black Soul, The Raven Rose, etc. It was also difficult for me to understand how the characters felt. I know it’s a traumatic experience, but I didn’t feel it. 
  • Reading: 7.1 – It was hard for me to follow all the things going on. There were too many names I didn’t recognize with only a brief sentence or two explaining them. In reality there wasn’t a necessity to include the descriptions of the spirit swords Nifrin as they didn’t have to do too much with the main action. 

An Oral History of the Hundred Year War: Tradition by AtkaSura

An Oral History of the Hundred Year War: Tradition - 2nd Place

  • Total Score: 9.4
  • Award for: "Best Evolution"
  • Writing: 9.3 – I loved this one-shot not only because of the creativity, but also because the writing was chilling. I physically shivered when I read this, not even kidding. It may have been because I listened to “Leaves from the Vine” while I read, but that’s beside the point. This one-shot begins with a soft description of a quiet day on Ember Island, and I particularly liked this line: “Only the soft scratching of my quill and its occasional clink against the inkwell breaks my silence.” That line sets up the tone for the story. 
  • Content: 9.5 – This reminded me a bit of the movie “The Last Samurai.” Even though it takes place on a beautiful, serene island inside a quiet home, the topic of the writing is far from tender. An underlying theme of violence, war, and hatred permeates the simplicity of the scene. The plot is well organized, superbly organized, actually. Although nothing happens besides an old man regaling his past and a man writing it down, the emotion is definitely there. I highly suggest everyone read this. 
  • Reading: 9.4 – AtkaSura pulls off the anonymous characters very well. Technically one character is a colonist and the other a retired soldier, but really they embody an innocent narrator and weathered veteran. The story progresses naturally, and I give it the award for best evolution because it begins with a soft description, and although the action never physically changes, the end is thought provoking and blunt. This one-shot is a gem and a must read. Excellent Job AtkaSura :) 

I Say Farewell by Echo01

I Say Farewell

  • Total Score: 8.6
  • Award for: "Striking My Realist Nerve"
  • Writing: 8.5 – I was impressed with the control of technical grammatical skills. I can tell this author is a talented writer, no doubt. The word choice was fitting for the choked atmosphere and got under my skin a bit, which was a nice effect. 
  • Content: 8.6 - I thought this was a very realistic interpretation of what would happen if Asami visited her father. It’s well executed but a bit too similar to the actual scene when he confronts her tied up in the cell in the finale. Either way, the dialogue stayed true to character. One of my qualms was Korra’s involvement in the story. I thought it would’ve been better off with just Asami and Hiroshi, and that’s why I wasn’t too fond of the ending. I think a better way to tie it up would have been for Asami to leave stone cold, instead of crying in Korra’s arms. I think that kind of gritty toughness defines Asami. 
  • Reading: 8.7 - This one-shot struck a particularly realist nerve in me, which is a good thing. I’m a big fan of ‘’A Farewell to Arms’’ as I think the biting ending is a great literary maneuver. I liked how the descriptions stressed the real nature of the situation, for example “Pushing aside her own telephone, the legs of her chair scraped harshly across the floor when she stood to her feet.”

Shadows are Still Silhouettes by Kugumi

Shadows are Still Silhouettes

  • Total Score: 9.2
  • Award for: "Best Back-story"
  • Writing: 9.4 – The grammar and all that technical jazz was spot on. The descriptions stayed true to character, and I really appreciated that. I am not a fan of all the emotional shipping crap that goes along with Mako and Bolin, so this one-shot was a breath of fresh air for me, personally. I’m a big fan of their identities as street rats fighting to survive. 
  • Content: 9.2 – As always, Kugumi writes the characters spot on. Mako, Bolin, and Shin’s actions were all canonically, believable. I could definitely see a scene like this play out. Even a character like Shady Shin, who got like 3 minutes of screen time, was well captured. This one-shot provides a nice back-story for the relationship between the brothers and Shin. I admire the author for taking on a minor character and breathing in life. 
  • Reading: 9.0 – I think the first paragraph would’ve been more effective if the author described the scene at Central City Station first and then ended with a line that revealed the narrator, “A crying boy in a red scarf apologizing over and over to a younger tot with a curly strand of disobedient hair: that was how Shady Shin would forever remember this couple of street urchins.” 

Love in the Air by ATLALOK

Love in the Air

  • Total Score: 6.5
  • Award for: "Most Mushy-Gushy"
  • Writing: 7.0 – The technical grammar had a handful of noticeable mistakes like subordinate clauses punctuated like independent clauses, misplaced commas, and dangling modifiers. The first and second sentences both contain these mistakes. For example, the second sentence reads: “I walk over to a mirror, looking at my outfit.” From the way it is written, it can be said the mirror is looking at Tenzin’s outfit. Aside from grammatical mistakes, the writing was simple and straightforward. 
  • Content: 6.5 – This story was about Tenzin’s wedding. There weren’t really any plot twists or developments: it really was Tenzin’s wedding. I guess it was just predictable. He felt the way I expected him to feel. Barring the obvious Avatar influence, I think I could’ve substituted any two names and the story would’ve made sense. There are unique things about Tenzin and Pema that didn’t really shine through. 
  • Reading: 6.0 – A monumental moment like a wedding should be jam-packed with emotions and feelings. The way the story was narrated didn’t cater to this fact. It was like Tenzin told me how he felt as he felt it. It would’ve been much better if the author described Tenzin. Taking a look at the first sentence, I think it would’ve been better to say something like “Tenzin’s face held a conflicting mixture of excitement and anxiety as he sighed heavily.” Of course it can be written better than m example, but I think you get the point. 

The Third by Kyoshidude

The Third

  • Total Score: 8.1
  • Award for: "Depicting a Character in a New Light"
  • Writing: 8.4 – The writing was very descriptive and utilized strong vocabulary. Some words were a bit out of place, though. “…hopefully I’ll be able to fathom words towards my crimes.” That excerpt seems a bit wordy and clunky in my opinion. Also, a grammatical error I noticed was the separation of descriptive phrase from the main sentence with the use of a period. If a phrase describes something, you are allowed to use a comma. 
  • Content: 7.8 – I liked the creative take on Combustion Man’s past. It was very interesting how the author portrayed him as somewhat a victim of a horrific curse he placed on himself. The initial few paragraphs are ambiguous and hard to follow. I couldn’t really tell what was going on besides the fact that someone was being murdered. Some clarification would’ve raised this score. 
  • Reading: 8.0 – The first part was hard to read because I didn’t understand it, but Combustion Man’s inner thoughts towards the end were very good. Overall, a solid read. 

Femme mystérieuse by Fruipit

Femme mystérieuse

  • Total Score: 8.8
  • Award for: "Making Ty Cringe on Multiple Occasions"
  • Writing: 9.1 – I’ve probably said this a billion times, but Fruipit is one of the top authors for a reason. The technical stuff was practically flawless besides a very few amount of little things. The descriptions were blood curdling and flowing. 
  • Content: 8.7 – So, where to begin? Let’s just say it was…very…creative. I can’t say I’ve had daydreams about a twisted lesbian relationship between Toph and Azula. Nope, can’t say I have. I appreciate the idea, I really do, but I can’t say I love it. Being an ultra Avatar fan, I just cannot picture this kind of story taking place. To me, Toph is that badass, talented, headstrong earthbender who took down like every soldier in Ba Sing Se. Azula, likewise, is Zuko’s stone-cold sister who is stealthy like a black mamba. The content gets a deduction because they didn’t really stay true to character… 0.o 
  • Reading: 8.7 – I…don’t really know what to say. It knocked the wind out of me for sure. I even had to pause my Disney soundtrack compilation and read it in full silence. (It was on Little Mermaid) Anyways, the story was complicated in the fact that it dealt with mature romance, and the characters’ inner thoughts were dark and intriguing. I can’t really say some of my mental notes out loud, but let me tell you; it’s quite a read. Ty’s eye twitches

The Agent and The Stranger by Tree Climber

The Agent and The Stranger

  • Total Score: 7.7
  • Award for: "What Just Happened?"
  • Writing: 8.2 – The writing was solid, not too flashy and not too blunt. I noticed a typo here and there and a couple grammar mistakes. The content was far more interesting than the writing. 
  • Content: 7.5 – It caught me off guard, to say the least. Really didn’t expect it. This kind of plot twist is a powerful literary tool, but I have to deduct points because it didn’t really make sense. The situation came out of the blue and didn’t really evolve naturally. The whole concept of two lovers meeting each other on a random night after a brawl and passionately kissing even though they’ve known each other for less than 5 minutes is unrealistic. 
  • Reading: 7.5 – It was just a bit too unexpected for me, to the point where I couldn’t really relate to the romance. Instead of being able to marvel at the passionate moment, I was simply shocked.  

The Tale of Yumen and Yihan by Agent Slash

The Tale of Yumen and Yihan

  • Total Score: 8.9
  • Award for: "Nothing - by the Script"
  • Writing: 9.0 – I really enjoyed the intense dialogue. The cold, realistic descriptions did a great job in setting up the characters as people with dreams and flaws. 
  • Content: 8.8 – I was seriously impressed with the way Agent Slash set up Yumen and Yihan as people. Addiction is a grave subject, and he did a nice job with it. Yumen was really a well-written character for the amount of space allotted. I couldn’t help but pity and root for him. Now, the reason for the deduction is the ending. I thought the ending was a bit too blunt and predictable. Suicide as an ending is always a kick in the teeth, but I felt like it was a rather passive way to end an outstanding one-shot. Perhaps if the author described the suicide or went about it a different way, it would’ve had real shocking effect. I also thought a cool way to end it would be to have Yumen succumb to addiction and aimlessly propose to her. Listen to the song “Nothing” by The Script. It would pretty much sum up my feelings. 
  • Reading: 8.9 – This was a great one. It didn’t really have much to do with Avatar besides setting and name choice, but it didn’t matter. The story is relatable, and I personally found it to be really engaging. I was just dissatisfied with the ending. Other than that, I have nothing but praise. It's not often an author is able to create such a powerful character within 1000 words. Bravo.

Counting Stars by Momoam15

Counting Stars

  • Total Score: 8.5
  • Award for: "Most Bittersweet"
  • Writing: 8.8 – The language here was poetic and flowing. The style added to the overall tone of the story. There was a lot of figurative language, and, in my opinion it was the story’s greatest strength and weakness. Although the writing conveyed the emotion, in my opinion, it lofted the action to be a bit too poetic at times. 
  • Content: 8.2 – This is a tender moment between Mako and Asami after their break up. I don’t really think the characters would’ve spoken or acted this way. From what I saw in the finale, they mutually decided to split, and that last kiss on the cheek was pretty much the end. To me, it seemed like they both understood it was for the best. This scene after the fact was a bit too dramatic to be realistic. 
  • Reading: 8.5 – The one-shot had a really emotional, bittersweet effect. The ending reminded me of how I felt after watching the finale of ATLA. I was filled with a mixture of “sad happiness” for lack of a better word. I was so ecstatic that the story of Avatar existed and that I had the opportunity to experience it, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel upset it was over. This story makes me feel similarly. 

Spotted Bamboo by Waterkai

Spotted Bamboo - 1st Place

  • Total Score: 9.6
  • Award for: "Mystifying, Elegant, and Alluring" 
  • Writing: 9.6 – Beautiful sensory detail built a delicate, lovely world. Instead of showing me what was happening, the author immersed me in description and I experienced the story as it unfolded. Well-placed vocabulary and figurative language really made this story stand out. 
  • Content: 9.7 – Outstanding creativity and imagination went into this story; even the title has symbolic meaning. I think one of the best effects was the mysterious lure of the subject. The Painted Lady appears and it’s very hard to tell whether or not she is physically there or just a mirage, but her presence is still felt. In my opinion, this is a perfect depiction of a spirit; the lines are blurry. Also, the narrator was an interesting character in his own right. It’s hard to get a read on him because although he says he’s “not educated” the vocabulary says otherwise. It’s as if the narrator tells this story while sitting next the reader, explaining each sensation as it occurs. The ending stays true to the mysterious tone of the story, and it doesn’t disappoint; in fact, I actually planned on writing a similar ending for one of my one-shots but decided against it. So when I finished reading, I actually pointed at the computer screen and said "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! I was going to do that!"(fun fact) 
  • Reading: 9.5 – One of the cool effects of this one-shot is the way it unfolds. The author never really specifies what’s going on so the readers have to discover for themselves. As a result, the whole scene comes together from all directions, the setting, the action, the situation; everything becomes clearer and clearer until the very end. At first I was a bit skeptical of the ambiguity, but the further I read the more I appreciated the style. By the time I finished, I concluded that Spotted Bamboo was one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's amazing :)  

Dark Side of the Mask by BlackMonkey

Dark Side of the Mask

  • Total Score: 8.5
  • Award for: "Best Inner Turmoil"
  • Writing: 8.5 – The writing was solid, although the gerund was a bit overused here and there. Sometimes it’s better to simply describe something with concrete subjects and verbs instead of tagging on participial phrases and gerunds. It can get a bit repetitive and obscure. 
  • Content: 8.5 – I’m a big fan of Amon and especially his motives. This one-shot reminds me a lot of a one-shot I wrote called “Dreams” in the way it went into Noatak’s thoughts and ambitions. The scene was well set, and the subject was good, but I’m not convinced with Noatak’s portrayal. In this story he wavers from side to side, between “good and evil, “light and dark,” and eventually chooses the mask, but, in my opinion, Amon was very steadfast in his beliefs, even from the very beginning. He was never concerned with “seeing tears in his enemies’ eyes” or hurting people. He saw the world a certain way, and there was no way anyone was going to tell him otherwise. If Noatak ever had a period of uncertainty about his beliefs it was when he was a kid sitting on the ledge of the iceberg looking over the ocean. By the time he bloodbent his own father and ran away, he was already dealing in absolutes. 
  • Reading: 8.5 – The figurative language weighed down the reading a bit, and towards the end Noatak’s inner thoughts got a bit confusing as two sides of him went back and forth. 

The Cycle by ByBray

The Cycle

  • Total Score: 9.2
  • Award for: "Voice"
  • Writing: 9.3 – Technically, the grammar and spelling were sound, as expected. What really stuck out was the narrator’s voice. The descriptions had a very rare human element to them, as if someone was telling the story. That’s not something you see too often. Bray injected subtle personality into the writing, and the result was powerful. 
  • Content: 9.2 – Like the poem, the story is meant to be a bit hazy, a tad ambiguous. This effect is evident in the man’s inner thoughts. He is confused, lonely, and devoid of motivation, so his mind doesn’t really have a direction. This uncertain element could’ve been toned down a little just to make the action a bit clearer, but all in all it made the subject that much more meaningful. I think this one-shot goes beyond Avatar and really confronts real world, real life issues like depression, suicide, etc. 
  • Reading: 9.1 – It felt like I was sitting on the roof of a Ba Sing Se house and I was actually there, the moon shining faintly overhead, the man stumbling along below me. It felt like I sat right next to the narrator as he told the sad story of the man who lost everything. The unique storytelling voice of this one-shot set it apart, and that’s why it earned the award for “Voice” hehe.

Sunset Wisdom by Henryjh98

Sunset Wisdom

  • Total Score: 9.2
  • Award for: "The Essence of a One-shot"
  • Writing: 9.0 – The writing wasn’t too flashy, but that’s a good thing. This one-shot was very sweet in its simplicity. Andrea Romano, the voice director of Avatar: The Last Airbender, once said Iroh is a “dear character,” and this one-shot did a perfect job with his portrayal. What stands out most is the dialogue. It’s one thing to write elaborate lines, it’s a completely different animal to tailor dialogue to characters, and especially characters we know so well. I scratch my eyes out when an author stuffs words into my beloved characters’ mouths, but Henry pulls off these speaking parts with aplomb. Iroh is as wise and chooses his words carefully, and Toph retains that humorous boldness that I always loved. 
  • Content: 9.6– Just a nice conversation between two friends; such a classic, yet timeless thing. The idea itself isn’t out-of-the-blue creative, but it’s the way it unfolded that matters most. It may not have been the most verbose, the most dramatic, or the most action-packed of one-shots, but that’s why I particularly loved it. Sometimes we need to take a step back and really look at life in its entirety. It’s not all about dying in a lover’s arms or having a destiny changing revelation atop a mountain peak. Sometimes it’s just about the simple things. There is something about this one-shot that just made me really happy. Subtle humor mixed with delicate interaction reminded me of watching Avatar. After I finished reading it, I thought to myself, “this is the essence of a one-shot,” and that definitely counts for something. 
  • Reading: 9.0 – I couldn’t help but smile while reading this. I could tell the author just wrote because he felt like it. He didn’t write to display his story-telling prowess or to win some professional art prize: he just thought of a random idea and put it into words, and I think that’s where we all begin as writers. Toph and Iroh were written extremely well, and their realistic dialogue really made me nostalgic about the show. It was like I was chilling with them, talking about all that happened, and drinking some calming Jasmine tea. It evoked that “weight of the world off my shoulders” feeling that Aang must’ve felt while he looked out at the sunset on the balcony of the teashop. To make me feel that way with such few words is a testament to this story. Personally, I thought it was wonderful. 

Training in the Wind by Snivystorm

Training in the Wind

  • Total Score: 6.3
  • Award for: "Short and Sweet"
  • Writing: 6.7 – Some of the descriptions seemed a bit off, and the vocabulary wasn’t too flashy. Overall, the writing was okay, barring a few errors here and there, however, it didn’t take away from the story as a whole. I can see some great potential, and I think with a little more practice the author could write some interesting stories. 
  • Content: 6.0 – The main problem was Korra’s inability to airbend, and it was rather predictable that Tenzin would give her some advice. After a few words of wisdom, behold she now understands how to move through the air gates! All in all, it was a simple idea executed decently. The dialogue was a bit out of place in the fact that I couldn’t really imagine Tenzin or Korra saying a couple of the lines, but in total it was a short, sweet one-shot. 
  • Reading: 6.2 – Like I said before, a couple of the descriptions were a bit blocky in delivery, so that made me read a couple lines over again to understand them. 

Sunset in the Mind's Eye by Specialk16

Sunset in the Mind's Eye

  • Total Score: 8.9
  • Award for: "Giving Jet some Love"
  • Writing: 9.1 – The inner thoughts and memories were some of the best I’ve seen. Eloquent, descriptive, well crafted, the language really stood out here. Romance blended with irony mixed for a bittersweet, potent combination. 
  • Content: 8.7 – I have to give props for writing the first story centered on Jet I’ve ever read. Not only that, but I also have to give credit for bringing out a softer side of the freedom fighter. A slight deduction just because some of the thoughts may have been a bit exaggerated. Unless Jet really, really hid his passion for Katara that burned with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, I can safely say he was the more aloof end of the teenage infatuation. Nevertheless, his doomed dream of getting to know her, enjoy her company, etc. was a nice spin on Jet’s character. 
  • Reading: 9.0 – It was a pleasure to read. The writing flowed, it was relatively easy to tell what was going on, and the scene intensified each thought. The scene when Jet dies is a really ambiguous one; even the Gaang doesn’t really know what happened, but this one-shot shed some light. 

Sonic Wave by Minnichi

Sonic Wave

  • Total Score: 9.3
  • Award for: "Most Enlightening"
  • Writing: 9.2 – Okay, I’m pretty sure everyone here knows Minn is a "halfway decent" writer, so I’ll spare you the reading about “technical stuff.” It is a testament to her skill as a writer that she can transition from writing the dark, monstrous, evil, murderous, destructive, heart wrenching, cruel and above all romantic story that is Silent Hero in Emerald to writing this comedic episode about Puon Tim. The Boulder’s lines were priceless, and it was a brilliant change of pace. It had me laughing for real, and that's saying something!
  • Content: 9.1 – A humorous narrative about how Puon Tim came up with the Sonic Wave in the fabled "Boy in the Iceberg" play: hell yes. That’s what I’m talking about! It’s about time someone took the comedic route! Now, when I grade the content of this specific story, I’m not really looking at believability or plot organization. I get it: it’s not meant to be taken seriously. I gathered that much from the first description of Puon Tim himself. The whole concept of Puon Tim going around collecting eyewitness accounts of the Gaang is comedic gold. There’s so much potential here to tie into what was the funniest episode of the entire show. Minor deduction here just because I didn’t quite understand the reason the Dai Li said she releases a sonic wave. Did I miss something? (edit. Apparently I completely missed the intended deadpan joke)   
  • Reading: 9.5 – Laughter adds years to life, so I have to thank Minn for prolonging my life with this story. ‘Nuff said.

The Wreath by The Faceless One

The Wreath

  • Total Score: 8.3
  • Award for: "Best Extended Metaphor"
  • Writing: 8.4 – The writing, like all of these stories, was impressive. My standards have been super high for this competition. I spotted a few repeating mistakes having to do with commas. They don’t take away from the story, but my mind is wired (due to the SAT) to catch any and all grammar mistakes. 
  • Content: 8.3 – This was an interesting take on the Lieutenant, who we saw some real personality during the last scene. I think this story definitely has some believable elements. I could see the Lieutenant being a conflicted person, and I also like the underlying them of “going nowhere.” I just thought there was a tad too much going on for it to tie together completely. I could see the ideas taking form, but it just didn’t quite finish. My favorite aspect of the story was the extended metaphor about “nowhere.” It was l very good. 
  • Reading: 8.2 – The reading had a disorienting effect in that the Lieutenant was running, confused, and “going nowhere.”  I think this was a desired effect, but in my opinion it was a bit overused. A lot of things happened at once, and it would’ve been better if concrete thoughts and actions took place instead of flashing in a stream of consciousness. 

Wrath of Yangchen by Swampbender55

Wrath of Yangchen

  • Total Score: 7.7
  • Award for: "Best Cliffhanger"
  • Writing: 7.7 – In this case, I wasn’t a huge fan of the present tense. The writing was pretty descriptive and mature, and the action was well done, but I couldn’t get over how some of it sounded out of place. The wording was awkward here and there, and it took away from the magnitude of the scene. 
  • Content: 7.8 – The premise wasn’t too hard to understand: Yangchen fights the rage inside of her. Some details like ages are superfluous and unnecessary to the plot, but overall it was straightforward. I was a bit disappointed by the fact that the darkness within her didn’t really have solid explanation, and there weren’t motives to the action. It reminds me of the Avengers; it baffles you with awesome visuals and action, but when you think about it for a sec some of it doesn’t make sense. More elaboration on Heng’s character could’ve been a great way to improve this one-shot. 
  • Reading: 7.6 – Once again, the present tense threw me off here. I re-read a few sentences and fixed them to sound better in my mind. 

The Last Airbender (One-shot) by Jtwin1

The Last Airbender

  • Total Score: 8.5
  • Award for: "Bison Whisperer"
  • Writing: 8.3 – The way the author tackled the inner thoughts of an animal was amazing. I really admired that about the writing. People forget that Appa and Momo were just as much characters as many of the people in the show, and I see a repeating trend of fanon’s downgrading animals to mere mentions here and there like “The Avatar hopped on his dragon and flew halfway across the world.” It takes some effort from the dragon! But where’s the love? C’mon! Slight deduction because the comma pauses for gerund and participial phrases got a bit extensive at times. “With a heave of his heavy tail and a quavering spring of his knees, as the years had wearied his hefty body, Appa, the man's animal guide, lifted himself into the air, roaring majestically as he always did when taking off.” - There are definitely better ways to rearrange that sentence to clear up the meaning. 
  • Content: 8.8 – It’s about time someone did an Appa-centric one-shot. I really liked the nostalgia of this one. It reminded me of the Gaang chilling on Appa’s back. After all, most of the show did take place up in the air. I thought the ending could’ve been clearer in that I didn’t realize what happened until the absolute last sentence. The scene of discovering the new bison herd could’ve been highlighted more. I actually think that’s the most important part. It would’ve been a huge revelation. I’d like the author, or any author, or even me, now that I think about it, to write a story about when Aang and Appa discovered the herd. 
  • Reading: 8.3 – I liked the tone, but I wasn’t as much of a fan about the language. I think books should be able to be read aloud with as much fluidity as they would be in silence. Some of the lines in this one-shot would be rather difficult to pronounce out loud, just based on the frequent pauses and fragmented structure of descriptions. Sometimes less is more, and I think I’ll drop my favorite Shakespeare quote: “Brevity is the soul of wit.” 

The Brothers of Jang Hui by AvatarRokusGhost

The Brothers of Jang Hui - Third Place

  • Total Score: 9.3
  • Award for: "Using a Deranged Narrator"
  • Writing: 9.2 – The technical writing, grammar and stuff was all fine, but that’s not where this story stands out. I thought the narration from Dock’s point of view made this story, no doubt in my mind. Most of the story was just simple dialogue, Dock taking the reader through a certain altercation with a customer, but it’s easy to see the underlying irony. A sense of mystery is evident from the very beginning despite the exterior humorous tone. It reminded me vaguely of Edgar Allan Poe in the way it utilized irony and madness. Many of Poe's narrators are mentally insane, and that adds uncertainty to the validity what they tell the reader. In this one-shot, I read it as if I was reading Poe; I read between the lines of the narrator and figured it out for myself.
  • Content: 9.5 – Once I finished this one, I immediately thought, “That was chilling, gripping, comical, and ironic.” The simplicity, the obliviousness of the story had the perfect effect; I was impressed. The comic relief character that was Dock made for a gripping narrator and clever main character. As he told his relatively mundane story, I could see his quirkiness progress into full-blown madness, and then the last few paragraphs knocked the wind out of me. This was a story that required strict attention to understand, but it’s worth the read. 
  • Reading:  9.3 – I had to read over a couple of lines to understand who the characters were and what was going on. ARG portrays Dock’s condition well in the dialogue, so I always had to consider the fact that he’s basically schizophrenic. This one-shot hooked me in because I sensed a twist, some kind of irony, from the very beginning, and it didn’t disappoint. I'm just giving my personal thoughts, and I don't actually know if the author intended these kind of effects, but the fact that it provoked my rumination speaks for itself. Excellent job :)

Game Night by Omashu Rocks

Game Night

  • Total Score: 8.8
  • Award for: "Most Profane"
  • Writing: 8.8 – In humorous one-shots, I don’t pay attention to the writing as much. I’m not looking for elegant descriptions or metaphors. I know it’s for the sake of comedy, but I just thought some of the dialogue was a bit too out of place. When using Avatar characters, I think it’s funnier to write their realistic voices and apply them to a funny situation instead of changing the characters to fit, however, I did find the Mako depiction to be really funny. (I loled) 
  • Content: 8.6 – Comedy one-shots have the potential to go far in this contest because I am a huge fan of laughing, if ya’ll didn’t know that. This one-shot had a myriad of clever, hilarious jokes, but I have to deduct because of the lack of structure. OR took a huge risk with this one, a bigger risk than anyone else in my opinion. The pop culture references were a bold way to go, and I think if there was just a bit more story and a bit less characters this would’ve had me on the ground. 
  • Reading: 9.0 – Omashu Rocks lived up to my expectations and earned the "Most Profane Award." I needed this change of pace. XD This story had me laughing regularly, and that’s something that not many one-shots can make me do. I have to give mad props to Omashu and Minn for going the comedic route. The jokes were endless and frequent. I thought if the author just toned it down a bit more and let me get my bearings the jokes would’ve had a stronger effect. - “Quality over quantity.” 

In the Spirit of Love by HammerOfThor

In the Spirit of Love

  • Total Score: 9.1
  • Award for: "Writing out of His Comfort Zone"
  • Writing: 9.2 – The first paragraph really set the tone of the story. The author used vivid imagery and subtle description to create a quiet, cold scene but one not devoid of emotion. The whole story carried an emotional feel, not teenage passionate emotion, but the kind of emotion we saw from Iroh in “The Tales of Ba Singe Se.” It was very well done. 
  • Content: 9.1 – I was impressed because the author chose to stray away from his usual style. That’s exactly what this contest was meant to do. Exploring genres and styles is an outstanding way to improve as a writer. Regarding the content, this story was the best romance one-shot out of the bunch, although it’s a different type of romance for sure. The idea of Sokka revisiting a certain spot in hopes of seeing Yue isn’t too out of this world; in fact, I think I’ve seen renditions of this in some way or another. Either way, I treat this story as less of a distinct moment and more of a gradual experience. It’s meant to show Sokka’s relationship with Yue over time, how he comes to think about her even as an elderly man. It reminds me of the first one-shot I ever wrote, Regret, and it’s funny because a major motif in this story was guilt. Slight deduction just because I thought Sokka’s dialogue could’ve been a bit more “Sokka-esque.” I know the scene is dramatic, and I know he’s not a young man anymore, but I think throwing in some of his sarcasm or a pun would’ve evoked some sad-happiness, wistful optimism. 
  • Reading: 9.0 – Much of the story takes place inside the mind of the main character. The reader watches Sokka’s though process unfold as it happens, getting glimpses of his past, present, and future with respect to his experience with Yue. I was left wanting a bit at the end, as I thought it could’ve had a bit more romantic juice, but it’s not a big deal. I can see the type of ending the author was going for, but maybe just a bit more dialogue or closure to balance out the buildup. 

The People of Omashu (One Shot) by TheLoKnessmonster

The People of Omashu

  • Total Score: 8.6
  • Award for: "Unique Style"
  • Writing: 8.6 – This was one of the tougher stories to grade for writing, but not for the reason you may think. There were a couple grammar errors, but they actually improved the story. The style of the story was perfect for the subject, and I loved the simple narration of events. The scene of Oma and Shu was depicted in calligraphy and water colors. In the past, the world was simpler, although it wasn’t any less beautiful. The writing of this one-shot may be the simplest in style of all, but it isn’t any less beautiful. 
  • Content: 8.5 – I like this spin on the Omashu origin story, but I have to deduct because I would’ve liked to see more of a spin or twist. Maybe add something to the story that we didn’t “canonically” know before, something to make it your own. The fleshing out of the plot was well done, but a bit more creativity would’ve been good. As a tribute to the story of Oma and Shu, however, it’s outstanding. It’s also a very nice ending for this saga of one-shots I’ve read over the past week or two. 
  • Reading: 8.7 – The reading, like the writing, is simple, and it has a cool effect. It’s like the narrator lists a series of events that may seem completely normal and devoid of emotion, but the reader’s underlying knowledge fills in the gaps. I can tell this was intended, and it definitely succeeded. This story may have used prior Avatar knowledge better than any other. 

Contest in Review

  • I can say beyond a doubt that you guys are some of the most talented writers I've ever seen. It makes me so happy to read your amazing work, and this whole process has been a humbling experience. You are all the reason why this Fanon Portal and this Wiki are the best of all time. It brought a hypothetical tear to my eye when I saw everybody reading and supporting each other's one-shots, even though you are all technically competing against each other. That kind of sportsmanship and maturity is so admirable. 
  • Congratulations for Waterkai for winning 1st place! I like to think of it as the "Old Master" coming out of retirement to show these young whippersnappers how it's done. XD I also extend my applause to AtkaSura and AvatarRokusGhost for placing 2nd and 3rd. I will contact the placers privately regarding the art prizes, but most likely you'll be dealing with Minnichi; she's the one who is actually providing the prizes. Deciding the top 3 was basically impossible; there was something outstanding about each one-shot, and you all made it really hard on me to choose; I swear I had to bring out the scented pinecones to make the ultimate choice. XD (Dead Serious) 
  • Thank you all for participating and making this contest a success. You may want to refuel your creativity tanks for next year's contest hehe. Now, I urge you to get ready for the annual Fanon Awards! Once again, you guys are awesome. Ty Mako-chao3 Nirvana 00:08, August 11, 2013 (UTC)

 

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