This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!
Spelling/Grammar 8.0 - There weren't many spelling or grammar mistakes, but this is due to the very simple style of writing.
General Writing 4.5 - I really don't like to give scores like this, because there are a lot of nice things that EarthAvatar5 does in this story, but, in short, the general writing was basic at best. The chapters read like a stream of dialogue and there are no paragraphs. Even so, the dialogue is very bland and vague, and many times it doesn't contribute to the story or character development at all. It's just sentence after sentence with no real substance of description or inner thoughts.
Style 3.0 - Unless the author is trying to pull a Hemingway with the iceberg effect and this completely went over my head, he didn't do enough to convey an individual style. There are no descriptions. There is no variation of tone. There is no figurative language or symbolism. In short, the characters talk to each other and make general observations about what is happening, and even these observations don't contribute to the overall urgency of the plot. To develop a personal style, I suggest injecting a voice into the language. To learn how to do this, I suggest reading other fanons, books, and poems. There needs to be a big expansion in this area, as well as the general writing area.
Creativity 6.0 - I've seen the concept of an Earth Avatar done before, namely Tala in The Journey of Tala and Ishio in Emblem of the Outlaw. This doesn't mean using an Earth Avatar is forbidden, and judging by the author's username I can see why he chose to use Kano as his main character. However, Kano doesn't separate himself from being anything but an Avatar who was born into the Earth Kingdom. The Un-Che presents an interesting concept for an evil entity, but it doesn't separate itself from anything besides its role as the antagonist organization. There are no motives for attack, and this fact makes the villains one-dimensional. All main characters should have faults, and all villains should have motives.
Plot/Organization 4.0 - The plot makes sense. I can definitely believe the way things progress, but it's the transitions and space that needs work. The way this story is written reminds me of a skeleton in that it describes the bare bones of what is happening. The events are clear. I understand where Team Avatar goes and why, but it's the lack of inner thoughts, characterizations, and reflections that leaves me wanting more. In short, I recommend an extensive fleshing out of the plot. Make each event, each moment in the characters' lives meaningful in some way. There has to be growth and change, suffering and hardship. Let the readers feel the heartbeat of the story you've created in your mind. Let them feel the terror that the Un-Che have arrived, the unbridled uncertainty of being the Avatar, the pressure of the world on Kano's shoulders. The basic plot is there, but it definitely needs more.
Character Development 2.0 - Kano, Mira, and Han make up Team Avatar. Kano is the Earth Avatar, the main protagonist, Mira is Kano's love interest, a secret crush, and Han is the tritagonist, the funny guy. That, in a nutshell, is the extent to which I understand the characters. Right now, I'm taking a creative writing course in school, and I've learned some awesome strategies to develop characters. The first thing about characters is that they must be people, and by this, I mean they must contain all the elements that make a person weak and strong. Characters must have flaws; it's the flaws that bring out a character's true identity, and the reason why readers love characters like Holden Caulfield or Jay Gatsby. Legendary characters like Macbeth had hamartias such as pride, a trait that isn't bad in itself, but is bad in excess, arrogance. Show me why Kano struggles with being the Avatar. Show me what Mira thinks about the situation of the world. Help me understand why Han makes jokes, why he's deeper than just a comic relief character. Deepen the dimensions of the characters by giving them a goal to stride for. Kurt Vonnegut famously said, "Every character should want something, even if it's just a glass of water." Write with passion and show your readers why Kano wants to restore balance to the world. Show us the extent to which he will sacrifice to reach what he wants. It's this want that drives a story and develops a character. Please take those things into consideration. I'd love to see what you come up with :)
Interest Level 4.0 - The format of the chapters lulled me into an apathetic state. I grew ambivalent to whether or not the main characters succeeded or not, mostly because I couldn't relate to them enough.
Reaction 4.0 - The plot developments were undermined by the lack of description and underwhelming commentary. Therefore, I didn't really feel shocked or sad when bad things happened, likewise I didn't cry tears of joy when good things happened.
Believability 4.0 - Like I said above, the plot is pretty believable in its simplicity and for its status as a creative fanon, but the static nature of the characters makes it unbelievable, just because I can't comprehend their motives.
Total Score = 4.38
4. My Thoughts
Please don't use dialogue as a place holder for action. Dialogue should crackle like fire off of the page, or screen. Dialogue adds life to the characters and is, in some opinions, the only way to characterize. There were way too many instances in which the author used dialogue to say something irrelevant like "Hi Kano." - "Hi Mira." - "What's wrong?" - "Nothing." - "Ok. Let's go." - "Where?" - "Home." - "Ok." ....That kind of dialogue is unnecessary and doesn't contribute to the plot or characters. Dialogue shouldn't read like ordinary, every day language. The sad truth of it, is that our lives are pretty boring. School, home, eating, TV, computers, sports, and friends are, in fact, not all too exciting. It's how you portray the ordinary that counts, and dialogue is the only way to spice up a story.
There were instances in which the author was ambiguous, and in my opinion, lazy. EarthAvatar5, when you write things like "Everything started one fateful day. Something happened and Avatar Kanna died, then Kano was born somewhere in the Earth Kingdom" it tells me that you didn't think specifically enough about the details of the story. Take the time to craft the finer details: where Kanna died, the circumstances, why she died. You elaborated later in the story, but up until then I didn't understand it. Many readers like me will not accept plot events under vague concepts like "somewhere," "something," and "everything." Unless you are writing about a hallucination or some kind of vague mystery, it's smart to be as specific as possible. For example, in the opening of Avatar: The Last Airbender, we know the Fire Nation attacked 100 Years Ago and that only the Avatar, master of all four elements can save the world. This opening gives the reader a good understanding of the plot of the entire show, while your opening needs to be more direct. Those are things to implement when you edit, revise, and write future chapters.
5. What stands out?
I can definitely feel the essence of Avatar in this story, and I don't say that a lot, probably to only two other authors. The spirit doesn't lie in the descriptions or the complexity of the writing, but in the author's willingness to tell his or her story and the inspiration from Avatar that makes this possible. It's the kind of dark and light, depth and humor, that makes a story balanced, and though The Legend of Kano is only beginning and needs to be adjusted on a couple of things, I can feel the same feelings I felt while watching my favorite episodes of Avatar. Good job :D
6. Advice for EarthAvatar5
Look at all the subtle details that Bryan and Mike put into the depictions of Aang, Katara, Zuko, Sokka, and Toph. We love the characters so much because they are relatable, flawed, and heroic. Likewise, we like Azula and Amon because of their cold ambition. Give the characters human traits as well as human desires.
7. Who should read this?
Anyone looking for a classic adventure with traveling who doesn't mind simple writing style.