- Creativity 6.0 - I've seen the concept of an Earth Avatar done before, namely Tala in The Journey of Tala and Ishio in Emblem of the Outlaw. This doesn't mean using an Earth Avatar is forbidden, and judging by the author's username I can see why he chose to use Kano as his main character. However, Kano doesn't separate himself from being anything but an Avatar who was born into the Earth Kingdom. The Un-Che presents an interesting concept for an evil entity, but it doesn't separate itself from anything besides its role as the antagonist organization. There are no motives for attack, and this fact makes the villains one-dimensional. All main characters should have faults, and all villains should have motives.
- Plot/Organization 4.0 - The plot makes sense. I can definitely believe the way things progress, but it's the transitions and space that needs work. The way this story is written reminds me of a skeleton in that it describes the bare bones of what is happening. The events are clear. I understand where Team Avatar goes and why, but it's the lack of inner thoughts, characterizations, and reflections that leaves me wanting more. In short, I recommend an extensive fleshing out of the plot. Make each event, each moment in the characters' lives meaningful in some way. There has to be growth and change, suffering and hardship. Let the readers feel the heartbeat of the story you've created in your mind. Let them feel the terror that the Un-Che have arrived, the unbridled uncertainty of being the Avatar, the pressure of the world on Kano's shoulders. The basic plot is there, but it definitely needs more.
- Character Development 2.0 - Kano, Mira, and Han make up Team Avatar. Kano is the Earth Avatar, the main protagonist, Mira is Kano's love interest, a secret crush, and Han is the tritagonist, the funny guy. That, in a nutshell, is the extent to which I understand the characters. Right now, I'm taking a creative writing course in school, and I've learned some awesome strategies to develop characters. The first thing about characters is that they must be people, and by this, I mean they must contain all the elements that make a person weak and strong. Characters must have flaws; it's the flaws that bring out a character's true identity, and the reason why readers love characters like Holden Caulfield or Jay Gatsby. Legendary characters like Macbeth had hamartias such as pride, a trait that isn't bad in itself, but is bad in excess, arrogance. Show me why Kano struggles with being the Avatar. Show me what Mira thinks about the situation of the world. Help me understand why Han makes jokes, why he's deeper than just a comic relief character. Deepen the dimensions of the characters by giving them a goal to stride for. Kurt Vonnegut famously said, "Every character should want something, even if it's just a glass of water." Write with passion and show your readers why Kano wants to restore balance to the world. Show us the extent to which he will sacrifice to reach what he wants. It's this want that drives a story and develops a character. Please take those things into consideration. I'd love to see what you come up with :)