- General Critique - When I began reading, I didn't really know what to expect. I've read so many of Fruipit's works, works of such a diverse variety, that I had no clue which route she'd take this time. Well, the route she decided to take became very obvious. ~ omg sex!~ The writing quality of this one-shot wasn't quite as precise and flowing as other stories she has written. I cringed a bit at the reliance on linking verbs and passive voice in the beginning. For example:
- It wasn't that late, but after her own exams had finished, Katara had spent a good 24 hours just relaxing in bed.
- This sentence is grammatically fine, but I think the wordiness takes away from the meaning. I'd fix it to read something like this:
- It wasn't that late. After finishing her own exams, Katara spent a solid 24 hours relaxing in bed.
- Obviously, the spelling and grammar was fine, but the style didn't jump out at me at any particular point in the story. Regarding organization, it was rather difficult to follow. Sometimes the dialogue was a bit too vague and I had to retrace my steps multiple times to understand what was happening. More so than her other stories, the dialogue is a placeholder. I don't mean to take away from the clever, witty use of language, but that's all it was: clever and witty language. The dialogue didn't completely justify the main point of the story, which was misunderstanding and growth between people.
- Reflection - I hate to say it, but I'm not really sure if this one-shot should qualify as an Avatar fan fic. The thought crossed my mind that if one swapped the names of the characters for regular names like Kristen, Megan, and Olivia, then I'd have no idea it was ever an Avatar fic. The characters' personalities barely resembled those of characters from the actual show. It's a creative work filled with mature themes, but as for an Avatar one-shot, it falls short. The usage of canon characters should empower a story because they have backstories and histories built in already. In this story, the usage of Katara, Toph, and Kyoshi takes away from the meaning, in my opinion.
- Score 4.1/5 - Concentrate on building the story around the characters instead of trying to fit their personalities into the story.