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Eternity by Avatar226
Eternity details the events that transpire between Mai and Zuko's breakup in The Promise Part 2 and the beginning of The Legend of Korra.
General Critique - The writing style is simple and brief, but that doesn't mean it doesn't convey emotion. There aren't many descriptions, and the story reads quickly, similar to a screenplay. Time flies by pretty rapidly: days turn into months, months turn into years, and years turn into decades. All the while, the reader witnesses the growth between Mai and Zuko. By the end, the story arc comes full circle in a passionate lasting image.
Reflection - I like the premise of the story because it delves into one of the more serious relationships in the show. Mai and Zuko's dynamic always intrigued me personally because they weren't exactly the most social characters, but they let their choices and actions speak for themselves. Therein lies the problem with this oneshot. I would have preferred if the author didn't tell me what happened; it would have been more impactful if the author showed the intricacies of the relationship. For example, a description of Mai's tear strained eyes or the way the Zuko's gaunt face grew even paler than usual while he felt heartbreak, any sensory details would have immersed the reader more deeply into the action. Some of the dialogue was great; some of the dialogue was not so great. There were instances in which the dialogue subtly revealed great emotion behind the characters. There were other parts such as Zuko saying "Ok" or "Good job" that just didn't propel the plot. The trick with dialogue is making each and every word count. If a piece of dialogue doesn't push the plot, then it really shouldn't be included. All in all, this was a true, sincere, and admirable effort for a oneshot. I enjoyed it because I could feel the author's emotion behind it. Good job :)
Avatar226: Work on your dialogue a bit by paying attention to how the characters speak in episodes. They have specific tendencies and tones that you missed. One should be able to discern which character is speaking solely by the dialogue itself. Keep writing, my friend! TyNirvana 04:35, January 28, 2014 (UTC)