This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!
During the history of the Avatar, there have always been people there to guide the Avatar on the right path. However, during the creation of the world, the spirits chose the Avatar to be the protector and keep balance in the nations, but there was another destined to help the Avatar in times of need. Reincarnated only in times of great need, this person is born like the Avatar to help keep balance. This person can be born into any nation.
Spelling/Grammar 5.0 - In most cases the spelling was relatively fine. On the other hand, I saw frequent mistakes in punctuation, run-on sentences, and dialogue, among other things. On almost every line there was something that could be improved upon, and many of the mistakes could've been caught simply by copy and pasting the story into Microsoft Word and using spell check. I highly suggest getting an editor and learning the rules of grammar. That would help greatly.
General Writing 4.0 - The general writing could use work. Varying sentence structure is a great way to capture a reader's attention. I often found myself getting distracted because of the sheer amount of sentences that started with "June." Other than that, run-on sentences were a problem. There were many instances of endless trains of dialogue linked to people doing stuff. Please look up the rules for comma usage; they cannot link two independent clauses!
Style 3.0 - Since the spelling and grammar had mistakes, it was difficult to see any type of style. There were barely any descriptions. There was no imagery, details, or aesthetic elements in the writing .
Creativity 7.0 - I loved the idea of having a spiritual leader reborn for the Avatar. I just wished the story progressed enough for me to read about that. In the show, characters like Guru Pathik and Uncle Iroh could be viewed as extremely wise people capable of communing with the spirits, so I think this is an interesting route to take.
Plot/Organization 2.0 - I really dislike giving this kind of score, but the plot was very underdeveloped and loose. Many actions were vaguely linked together, and I found it difficult to understand what was going on. The characters didn't have motives for their actions, which made it hard for me to relate to them. I can't really tell if there's a distinct plan for this story because the execution is off. I suggest focusing on important events and making sure to write them clearly. Don't get sidetracked by trivial things. Focus on plot.
Character Development 1.0 - I'm really sorry. I truly am, but there was no character development. I could barely figure out which characters were which and what their relations were to each other. It all happens way too fast. There are just so many new characters and I can't tell what is going on. All the characters refer to each other by either their real name or their relationship. Because of this, a couple characters go by two or more names, and it gets confusing. To address this issue, I suggest a rewrite. Develop the characters individually. Put in the time forming their personalities, their tendencies, and then let the relationships fall in line.
Interest Level 4.0 - The repetitive writing made it hard to stay interested. Plus, the story itself is hard to follow.
Reaction 1.0 - I didn't really have any reactions because I could never get attached to the characters or plot. I wish the story progressed slowly so I could take time to really understand it all.
Believability 6.0- I don't know where to begin. The idea of a spiritual leader is an excellent one. That simple idea is pretty straight forward, so, in essence, it's a believable story.
Total Score = 3.67
4. My Thoughts
I think the author should create some kind of visual family tree for Aang's lineage. The Royal Family tree for the Fire nation is an excellent example.
I think the whole mystery about the Spiritual Leader is intriguing.
The dialogue paragraphs with multiple commas are run-on sentences, so you need to fix those.
5. What stands out?
The premise behind a spiritual leader stands out the most. I just wish the author elaborated a bit more and made the story clearer.
6. Advice for Midori
Please learn how to use correct grammar. There are fixable mistakes like capital letters and punctuation. Stuff like that is inexcusable. Aside from what I said about character development and plot, I think a good thing to do is read more books and fanon. Reading other people's work will help you mature and grow as a writer. I've found that my writing style comes from a lot of the great books and fanons I've read. By exposing yourself to good literature, your vocabulary and knowledge of grammar will expand. Go to your local library and ask the librarian for some suggestions, or just take mine: Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Ready Player 1, Artemis Fowl, Inkheart, Life of Pi, The Da Vinci Code, and City of Ember are all great places to start :)
7. Who should read this?
Anyone interested in the spiritual side of Avatar, but I have to suggest that the author rewrites it first.