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Fanon Review: Avatar: Neo Revolution by Jtwin1

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!


Republic City New2
Hello! I'm Ty, and today I will be reviewing
Avatar: Neo Revolution by Jtwin1!
With the latest airbending Avatar dead at the hands of the merciless Clandestines, Sedgley and Dover, two waterbenders abandoned by their parents, arrive at Mother Leliita's orphanage. Years later, when they discover that one of them is the next Avatar in line, a journey unlike no other spreads out before them.
The world, morally lost and spiritually inept, needs an Avatar to restore balance and return peace. The only place powerful enough to support a mighty task is Haven - an accordingly named paradise amidst the chaos of a world in turmoil.
Can the boys and their friends accomplish such a feat against a world that doesn't want them? Will Haven's support be enough to help them guide civilisation back on a path of peace? However, the question is on everyone's minds - Just who is the Avatar? - Avatar: Neo Revolution

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1. Writing

  • Spelling/Grammar 10.0 - Very impressive. Extremely impressive, actually. In my opinion, spelling and grammar are the barebones essentials for a good story, or any type of writing for that matter. I mean seriously, people need to stop with their "non-conformist" attitudes and start looking at reality; adhere to the laws of the English language! And that's exactly what this author does. I barely ever give 10's in a category because usually there are at least a few errors. I admit: there were a few typos in this story (roughly 3). But those typos are nullified by the fact that at one point Jtwin1's grammar actually compelled me to comment about it. Grammar of all things! It was so beautiful how he correctly punctuated the word "Avatar's'" with two apostrophes. Not going to go into detail about why it's Avatar plural. That's another story. 
  • General Writing 9.5 - The writing is top-notch, well-done, and high-level. There's no other way to say it, really. I love how the author doesn't embellish his writing with overly verbose vocabulary. The words flow but carry a precise level of intelligence that always keeps the reader on his or her toes. 
  • Style 9.5 - The author has a way with comparisons and descriptions. He does an awesome job of creating vivid mental pictures that make the scenes jump off the page and feel real. Not only that, but the dialogue is true. As a writer, dialogue has never been my strength, and as I read Avatar: Neo Revolution, I became exceedingly jealous of Jtwin1's ability to make his dialogue crackle off the page. The dialogue really shapes the characters into multi-dimensional people. Perhaps the author can give me some tips on dialogue at some point! 

2. Content

  • Creativity 9.5 - Avatar: Neo Revolution is a very, well, revolutionary story that takes place well into the future of the Avatar world. The author mixes elements of the old with the new and crafts a changed world but at the same time retains that spirit of Avatar. 
  • Plot/Organization 8.6 - I'm not sure if this effect was intended or not, but the first book of Avatar: Neo Revolution felt a lot like Book One of Avatar: The Last Airbender. The first few chapters introduced the main characters and main problem of the plot. That's exactly what a story should do. The only problem I had was that the central problem hides and even becomes relatively invisible as the story centers mostly on the travels of the characters. This creates a bit of a disorienting effect in that each chapter takes place at a different place and focuses on a different plot idea. Doing that isn't the problem. Chapter variation is a great thing, but the transitions could have been more flowing. It was like "here we are in a seedy defunct town and now we are in a deep jungle city." The sense of adventure is there, but it just feels a bit too scintillating. With this much change this quickly, it becomes a tad bit hard to let the characters settle, sit, and develop naturally. They are forced to react to each new experience, and this doesn't allow quite enough reflection, in my opinion. Plus, the changes push the driving force of "getting to Haven and saving the world" far into the periphery. There isn't quite enough establishment of that major idea. It seems a bit far off in the ether, unlike the very real problem in A:TLA that is reinforced in the beginning of each episode. I'm not comparing the two stories because they are the same or because they are on the same level, but they do follow a similar path. That being said, in the later chapters of Book One of Avatar: Neo Revolution, the main problem becomes increasingly evident and the drama picks up. Jtwin1 does an outstanding job of heightening the stakes with each passing chapter. That is a testament to his superior story-telling. 
  • Character Development 9.2 - The characters in this story are compelling. Each one stands out amongst the others in different ways. Their personalities set them apart; it is easy to tell whom is speaking simply by reading the dialogue. That's how unique they are. The development is also very well-done. You can see the inner struggles of each character as they cope with fluctuating circumstances as well as physical and moral conflict. It's really fascinating how Jtwin1 weaves all of these characters together. I just wish I could have seen more development out of some of the antagonists. I have a feeling that will come with time, but for the most part their motivations have been rather one-dimensional and flat. A complex antagonist turns a good story into a great story!

3. Reading

  • Interest Level 9.4 - I said it before, and I'll say it again: Jtwin1 does an outstanding job of heightening the tension with each passing chapter. For example, in the early chapters the fight scenes are relatively light. There's not real fear that the main characters will lose. At the ending of Book One, there is nothing but fear for the main characters. The tone darkens and subsequently draws the reader in. The effect is gradual and methodical. It's outstanding. The only qualm I have is that some parts seem a bit more like filler. Filler and comic relief is fine if done correctly. It needs to be sprinkled in, like hints of spices over a nice cup of warm chicken noodle soup. 
  • Reaction 9.3 - There were several moments towards the end in which I literally felt the life drain from my face. I felt a "stabbing" (ironic to the story) pain when the characters underwent serious dilemma. The severity of Jtwin1's revelations gives the reader no choice but to confront the dire problems that the characters face. The beginning downplays some of the major undertakings, but this picks up later. This trend of getting better towards the end resonates throughout the story. So I'm really excited to see where it's headed. 
  • Believability 8.7 - So much has changed over the course of multiple generations. It isn't called Neo Revolution for nothing. Aang and Korra are long gone. The Avatar world has retained much of it's folklore while advancing towards a more futuristic setting. Some of the things made me a bit skeptical, for example Anurna's use of a cell phone and the existence of city made entirely from wood in which the villagers lived equivalently to Aborigines. It just seemed a tad bit off. I do believe the world will have futuristic elements, but there wasn't enough blending. Change doesn't just occur in a snap of the fingers. The old changes into the new. It's more of a subtle fade. If that makes sense.  

Total Score = 9.3  

4. My Thoughts

  • I hit a dry spell in my writing, whether it be because of college admissions or schoolwork or track or whatever. Reading Avatar: Neo Revolution has reignited my passion for writing which was dormant. I cannot wait to start writing my good 'ol fanon once again. Thank you Jtwin1 for inspiring me! When writing inspires people, that's when you know it's good. 

5. What stands out?

Anurna has become one of my favorite characters in fanon. She's such a great character: mysterious, funny, mature, dark. She reminds me vaguely of Zuko but less foreboding. The more I continue reading, the more I wish I knew her backstory and her intentions. She's awesome. 


6. Advice for Jtwin1

 
Keep rolling with your creativity. You've come a long way with this story, and I believe you've only scratched the surface of what it can become. Just keep doing what you're doing. The only advice I can give you is to continue to improve. The story literally improves with each passing chapter, so don't settle. I think you know where this is going, so I'm just going to sit back and see what happens. I'll be watching (not creepy). 


7. Who should read this?

Why is this even a section? - Everyone.


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