"An ever-changing world keeps the Avatar busy, as the Fire Nation changes power from the sages to the Fire Lord. As the Air Temple's children disappear, the Avatar must stop the kidnappers, even if it kills him."
In The Lost Air Temple, we follow Avatar Gatton, now in his waning years, as he encounters assassins, fights a secret coup, and discovers the truth about the "Dark Avatar" in his dreams. Along the way, we meet Gatton's grandchildren, Finosa and Baizken, who embark on an action-packed adventure of their own.
Spelling/Grammar 3.0 - I spotted frequent technical mistakes in comma usage. Many times, independent clauses were strung together into run-on sentences. Also, I counted multiple misuses of the words "your," "through," "here," and "to." Sometimes there were questions without question marks. The spelling and grammar didn't completely weigh down the story, but some mistakes left me scratching my head.
General Writing 4.0 - I can see what the author is trying to convey, but sometimes I'm left searching and confused with what exactly is going on. Jumping from past tense to present tense sounds awkward in most cases. Some sentences were vague and referred to characters by proper nouns, making it hard to follow who is doing what. The vocabulary is a strength, but sometimes words are used out of context.
Style 5.0 - In the beginning, the style was basic, accurately describing actions and places. Nothing really jumped out at me. There were no figures of speech or subtle ideas, just the truthful words, which isn't bad. I have to give props though, Kuzonkid7 improved as a writer. The style in the end of the story is drastically improved in comparison to the style in the beginning.
Creativity 7.4 - I've read many fanons about Avatars stopping a rebellion. However, Kuzonkid7 has some pretty awesome ideas like "Smoke," the mysterious magician who can make things disappear. The introduction of the "Dark Avatar" in Gatton's dreams also caught my eye. There are some really unique characters that I've never imagined, and I really liked that.
Plot/Organization 5.0 - The story is plot driven, truly an adventure like it says in the description. Though the plot is simple and concrete, the disorganization brings it down. Gatton and his grandchildren travel from place to place, fighting and running, but a lot of times I don't understand why. I feel like Kuzonkid7 has a great adventure planned, but rushes to tell us the story.
Character Development 6.6 - Even though Avatar Gatton was the main character, he wasn't the best character in my opinion. I adored the dialogue between Finosa and Baizken. The story of Finosa mastering her firebending and Baizken growing into a warrior really stole the show. I also have to give an honorable mention to Bard, the poetic Fire Sage who was hilarious.
Interest Level 7.6 - Even though the technical mistakes impeded my reading, I became very immersed in the story. Kuzonkid7 did an outstanding job keeping my interest as I jumped from each intense battle to the next.
Reaction 7.4 - My heart pounded when Finosa fought despite the odds. I laughed at Bard's poems and the comedic conversations between Baizken and Finosa. I was left questioning and bewildered with the introduction of the "Dark Avatar" and the mysterious "Smoke."
Believability 6.7 - The plot itself was very believable, nothing crazy or incredulous. This score could be higher if the characters had more motive to go on their adventure. To me, it seemed like they were thrown in to the mix and had no questions or realizations. I would have believed it more if they experienced more inner turmoil, especially in such tumultous times.
Total Score = 5.9
4. My Thoughts
The kids stole the spotlight in this story. The brother/sister relationship between Finosa and Baizken developed nicely and believably. Their arguments and jokes made me smile and brought clever humor into a really intense adventure.
To say this story is an action-adventure is an understatement. With assassins constantly lurking, and fire duels around every corner, the action never ceased. Many intense action scenes left my heart pounding and wanting more.
I really hate to give a low score because the number doesn't tell the whole story at all. Towards the middle/end of the story I began to notice drastic changes in Kuzonkid7's writing. Compared to the beginning, the later chapters greatly improve in quality. The comma errors and spelling mistakes seemingly vanish, and you are looking at a very impressive fanon. My favorite part was watching his growth as a writer. When describing the vivid dreams in the end, I sat in silent awe of the beauty of his words. I wish he would go back into his first chapters and clean them up a bit; the score would sky-rocket.
5. What stands out?
The greatest strength of The Lost Air Temple is the action. I can't even count all the blood-pumping fight scenes. It is INTENSE.
6. Advice for Kuzonkid7
Keep writing. Please, please, please don't stop writing. I believe you have so much potential and you've already grown as a writer so much. Just like art or sports, writing lets you learn and improve. I was seriously impressed by your progression. Work on your grammar and spelling, especially comma usage. Read books and other fanons to gain inspiration from different sources.
7. Who should read this?
Anybody looking for an action-packed adventure with assassins, coups, and Avatars....which could very well be you.