Chapter 18: The Waterbending Master
A review (and some demotivation) of Book 1: Water, Chapter 18: The Waterbending Master.
Previously in Avatar: Some random filler. Faangirling. Balloons. Plot holes. A temple most Wowbagger-ish.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/2io14nkxli.jpg
One second. I know that I usually have these kinds of warnings at the beginning of my demotes, and no one pays any attention to them. Therefore, I’m going to spell it out loud and clear:
I’ve been nominated for fanon admin, and this is really making me nervous. Thus, I know for a fact that my demotes aren’t up to the standard right now, and I sincerely apologize, but I can’t help it. =S Enjoy the posters, which were not created in the storm of butterflies in my stomach. Please bear with me.
Have you noticed that Aang is always chipper and happy . . . until something happens to either Appa or Katara? Just saying. When Sokka’s in trouble . . . sure, he saves him, but . . . when Toph’s in trouble . . . etc. . . . etc. . . .
But, oh, when Appa is in trouble . . . you just be askin’ for some Avatar State failure whoo-pa-do.
And why isn’t the Northern Air Temple even mentioned? I’m just saying . . . what happened?
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/731z8se2va.jpg
See, he’s asking for everyone to just come aboard.
Personally, I despise Sokkaang. I’ll take anything over it—even Zukaang. There’s just something about Sokkaang that I hate, even more than usual crackships like Sukatara. I mean . . . I hate crackships. But I especially hate Sokkaang.
Okay, enough ranting. Onto your regularly scheduled program, kiddies!
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/aooo6k2j1o.jpg
So, this leads me to an interesting question . . . why in the world . . . in the world . . . are they singing around a campfire on a ship? Just begs the question. Hey, I don’t know anything, but—
Now, it’s time for an Avatard trivia lesson. So, do you hear that song? “Winter, spring . . . summer and fall . . .” This song? That later becomes the musical theme for Yukka, and it also happens to be one of my favorite songs in the show. Hey, do you know what else I like? Yukka shipping.
Wow, I must be in a shipping kind of mood today. O_o
Also . . . they found the Northern Water Tribe? More like the Northern Water Tribe found them.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/42c64wrykd.jpg
That’s right! You can purchase all of Pimproh’s Audiobook Collection now for only nineteen payments of $19.99!
You can purchase the Blinged Basics, Multiples in the Middle, or Pimpin’ for Pros, depending on your preferred level of expertise. Learn all sorts of tips and tricks from the Master Pimp himself! Lectures from this series include:
Being a Nightingale
Turning the Other Cheek
Unhooked: One-Handed
Swordbending
Makin’ Waves [of Pleasure]
And so much more! Allow the Dragon of the West, known for his fiery breath, to guide you through the steps of being a pimp yourself!
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/142kwq6qnn.jpg
So Sokka wants to do an activity together.
At some place.
For some time.
I’m sorry, ladies and gentleman, but if I have to pull out one more Iar Sea-esque bacon joke, you’re just not perverted enough.
And where’s Hahn? Sorry just a random observation, but . . . eh . . . wouldn’t Hahn, her betrothed, be sitting next her to at the Avatar feast? Unless he’s busy somewhere else . . . doing an activity . . . at some place . . . for some time . . .
And either Yue’s animators are really innocent, really perverted, or really accident-prone . . . or I’m the Gutter Lord.
All hail Gutter Lord Ozai!
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/30/xm5s5bc1zk.jpg
See, Pimproh really likes the cook, because Pimproh really likes to eat . . . eat . . . eat . . . no? Not working for you?
[crickethoppers chirping]
And you shut up, Monkeyfeathers!
“Look, I’m just saying . . . in my opinion, Iroh should wear an actual pimp hat.”
Just . . . shut . . . up. You don’t know what’s good for you, okay? You really don’t.
“Well, cha, as you would. Just let him wear the pimp hat.”
Firstly, don’t use my slaanguage, and secondly . . . what? No cursing today? Afraid I’ll redirect censor it?
“Cursing? I’ll show you cursing!”
Unfortunately for Monkeyfeathers, he has to note a magical function called “backspace”.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/30/2ceek2vvcs.jpg
See, Zhao is a Zaang shipper. Hey, hey, hey, everyone knows that . . . I mean, come on! Both of the episodes in which he’s hunting something—the Avatar and/or the Moon Spirit—is a seriously Zaang episode! I mean, come on! If Zhao had only been alive for 313 . . . the episode in which Zaang became canon . . .
“It’s like a little heartbeat!”
[cough coming out of the closet cough]
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/30/x8yygaqmsi.jpg
Ooh, another one of my Aangirl jokes! Now, now, kiddies, I don’t want any trouble . . . but I’m just saying . . . he’s really one of those Peter Pan characters [read: Girl] . . . but fortunately, he’s a vegetarian, so he doesn’t want any beef.
On the other hand, bananas are a good source of potassium, and I’m sure cucumbers, uh, can offer something, too . . .
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/27/znhsmbysu1.gif
I have nothing to say here beyond: :3.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/30/6bsfdjtdbt.jpg
So, I have a general question to Nick. Okay, so, I guess that I get the whole premise of, uh . . . love at first sight . . . but this is ridiculous. Over the course of about, what, maybe total eight or ten minutes of screen time, two characters magically fall in love? Fact: They are in love by the end of this, and the big twist is that . . . of all things . . . “zomg im liek btrthd sry!!!1111”
And this is supposed to make you gasp or whatever.
But . . . seriously? Love at first sight? Come on! Nothing is that ridiculous!
I hope.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/29/fqrpwpsfxc.jpg
Originally, this was . . . eh . . . the opposite of constipation . . . if you know what I mean . . . but I swiftly changed it to something more appropriate—in this case, constipation.
Eh heh.
Eh heh heh.
So I have a general question . . . we don’t see Aang training his Waterbending at all. Not really. He has already used more powerful Waterbending—say, in 109—and I do not understand what the monkeyfeathers Aang’s deal is.
It’s not the altitude.
And why is Pakku being so mean?
[cough hog monkey cough]
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/29/1ni4fyzwuf.jpg
Why am I insane?
Transformers:
Girls: “. . . we’re just here for the MOP shipping.”
Boys: “Giant robots fighting!”
Me: “Giants robots fighting!”
Generic romantic comedy:
Girls: “D’awww . . .”
Boys: “We’re just here because my girlfriend dragged me in.”
Me: [dying of boredom]
Twilight:
Girls: “Aaaaaah Edward!”
Boys: [stand up and leave]
Me: “Can I be in the boys’ section, please?”
Avatar: The Last Airbender: [not a movie, but whatever]
Girls: “OMG ZUKO!!!!!111]
Boys: “Kung Fu action!”
Me: “. . .” [quietly] “KFAJ?”
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/29/fc6c9qq30o.jpg
Who knows what spaghettification is? That’s right . . .
It’s when you approach a(n) moralevent horizon of a black hole.
Zuko can sense the danger using his spidey sense.
Now, a lot of people wanted to know why the pineapple—read: Monkeyfeathers—did Zuko survive that when it should have killed him?
If you look closely at the screenshots, you can actually see . . . that’s right . . . yes . . . indeed . . . Zuko forms a shield of fire around him just seconds before the explosion hits.
Who says Firebenders aren’t quick on their feet?
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/29/9jfn1fdqfo.jpg
All right, everyone, it’s time for a grammar lesson!
No, seriously.
Because I’m a Grammar Ozai, and because this sort of thing is really what drives me crazy . . . well . . . well . . . well . . .
Here’s your handy guide to Who vs. Whom.
It’s very simple. Just change the sentence into a declarative one. The above would be: “I will distract him with annoying singing now”, so you know that in the original, it must be whom.
Similarly:
Who are you giving that to?
You are giving that to her.
Therefore: To whom are you giving that?
Whom is the winner of the contest?
The winner of the contest is he.
Therefore: Who is the winner of the contest?
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/29/nk4inuvmfx.jpg
And now, for only $19.95, you can own your very own Master ----blocking Carving!
Constantly getting annoyed by pestering females? Just whip out the MCC!
Your girlfriend trying to kiss you? One MCC, coming right up!
Girls all over you? Just bet on the MCC.
Very versatile! From a bear to a fish in just one movement!
Wow!
Works in all occasion. No assembly required. Scratch and chip resistant.
Order now in the next fifteen minutes, and we’ll send you another MCC absolutely free! This is a $200.00 value, and you can make it yours for only $19.95!
Just order now at 1-800-YOU-SUCK—today!
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/4cdj77vi5e.jpg
So then she said [censored], and then he was like [censored]! But then she [censored], and he [censored] ‘till they both [censored].
Sokka: “Avatar. We know drama.”
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/6xcv0dg7w1.jpg
See, Katara was ready to apologize, except that Pakku just wanted to rub her into the dirt here and really show her that guys are fifty times better than girls. Sexism is like a big issue in this show, and every single guy who is sexist either turns to non-sexism or dies.
Good grief! It’s a good thing Ozai wasn’t sexist, or not even Aang’s intervention could’ve saved him!
The moral of the story: Don’t be sexist, or you die.
So Katara gets aangry again and starts Waterbend-cracking stuff. Well, well, well, time to discover another future boyfriend hidden in the iceberg! This time, he’s a thousand and twelve years old! Hon hon hon.
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/3iiw0le69s.jpg
Aang: “Seriously, can you take your clothes off now?”
Aladdin: “"Good teenagers, take off your clothes.”
Aang: “Woah! Where did you come from?”
Grammar Ozai: “Actually, it’s from where did you come?”
Aang: “Shaddup, Xu.”
Grammar Ozai: [eyebrow twitch of evil]
Aladdin: “Dude! Did you see Jasmine? I love her because of her hair and eyes and body and nothing else!”
Sokka: “Don’t we all, brother?”
Aang: [quietly shuffles away]
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/zsrme61l2f.jpg
So Pakku was getting his butt whooped until Katara almost sliced his head off.
Katara: [Tai Chi Action Girl]
Pakku: “It’s on like Donkey Kong!”
Katara: [gets @$$-kicked]
So . . . what is this episode teaching us? That’s it’s a-okay to pull strings? I mean . . . Pakku wasn’t going to teach until it turned out that they were sort of kind of supposed to be related.
Riiight . . .
So, again we see that for men to succeed in life, you need intelligent, charisma, and skills.
For women? It’s based on looks and who you know.
Hey, thanks, Avatar!
http://media.fakeposters.com/results/2011/06/28/kbw2z8oqk8.jpg
Seriously. Yue needs to make up her mind. Yue changes her mind like a girl changes clothes.
Holy snap! Did Yue and Sokka just kiss after only knowing each other for one episode?!
I mean . . .
Okay, Sokka falls in with Yue because:
“It’s beautiful!”
“Yeah, she is.”
In the meantime, Yue falls in love with Sokka because . . . he’s funny? Charismatic? Foreign?
[cough]
Love at first sight fail.
And don’t even get me started on the love at first site joke.
Hint: No, girls don’t believe in love at first site. They like to take the scenic route.
This episode . . . is a 2. As well as the glaring errors made above . . . well, well, well . . . the entire episode was simply a set-up for 119 and 120. Because it was more or less important, however, it gathered a 2.
Plus . . . Aang head roll? Come on!
What are your thoughts on the episode? No flaming!
See you next time!
~The Avatar Demotivator
 Nominate or vote for new featured blog posts here. |