Chapter 7: Winter Solstice Part 1: The Spirit World
A review (and some demotivation) of Book 1: Water, Chapter 7: Winter Solstice Part 1: The Spirit World.
Previously in Avatar: Katara in Stalker Mode. A gay bar. Hatara. The. Worst. Episode. Ever.
So, before I begin, I’m going to apologize in advance. This episode, as you guys probably know, was not too funny, so the DPs aren’t too good. However, I assure that next week’s are hilarious, as I did these two in a row. =3
“Why is Katara acting like Ty Lee in this scene? I mean, later on, did they look back at this and go, on my goodness! Wow! Let’s make the Avatar version of a blonde act just like her! And why isn’t Katara fat? I mean, they spend all day sitting/lying down on Appa’s saddle. No wonder she and that bald kid quote-on-quote love each other! So much time to get to know each other, right? Good grief! If Sokka wasn’t there, they’d be all over—”
Er, that’s enough, Monkeyfeathers.
This one isn’t funny as much as it is a clever pun. I was originally going to do something about dull moments and boredom, but then Monkeyfeathers kindly informed me that someone had already done one of the kind. So curse you, whoever decided to make Avatar DPs before I did! Curse youuu!
Aang, in a fit of insaanity, decides to see what flying through a cloud is like, resulting in the most useless scene in the history of media since Anakin spent five minutes of screen time eating a pear or something with Padmé, his illegal girlfriend (who is illegal). And there, you Star Wars buffs, I added the accent.
All right, everybody together now. “I don’t recycle, and I never will. Ha, ha! My kids will drown in the garbage I’ll leave behind! Muahahah! I am soo evile! It’s like being evil and vile all in one! Muahahah!”
Wait, I know what the rest of you are about to say. “What do you mean, he’d be dead by now?” Think about it. It’s the Avatar’s duty to protect nature, which means that our current Avatar is laaazy. And don’t you dare tell me Avatars are fictional! Haven’t you read Alone by Millennia2? Yep, that’s my weekly fanon advertisement.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we have our first glimpse of Pimproh the Invincible. Stay tuned, Pimproh fans, you’ll get a lot more of this crazy man! Or, of course, you can just use that life-size Pimproh doll I’m sure all of you have in the closet . . . [whistles innocently] Who, me? I didn’t say anything! Honest!
Zuko finds Iroh in some creepy little spring or other and immediately demands him to, you know, pretend to be sane for once and actually come onto the ship. Instead, Iroh stands up, totally naked, proudly displaying his “royal parts” (yes, if you get the reference, I’ll give you a cookie) to the world. After muttering the line above, His Tea-Loving Kookiness sinks back into the warm water, which he heated himself. If I wasn’t me, there would be at least five fart jokes on the page after that.
I mean, hello? Let’s see, didn’t you just last episode almost get imprisoned because you trusted a creepy old man? But wait, hey, Team Avatar doesn’t need to learn from its mistakes! With the combined power of a Waterbender, Kung Fu Action Jesus, and a kitty, things couldn’t possibly go wrong, right?
[small voice] Riiight?
Hey, guess what? They do go wrong. No, really? I mean, are you kidding me? Aang and the Gaang run off after Mr. Man, and they come upon a downtrodden little village that an angry spirit is freaking tearing in half. Hei Bai, the Black-and-White Spirit, whose name refers to his intense bipolar and multiple personality disorders, teleports around the town, destroying stuff like an angry toddler who just found his older brother’s perfection Lego construction of the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal, and Jupiter.
Hei Bai: Growl! Rip! Snarl!
Aang: We should talk about this!
Hei Bai: IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!
Aang: I’m sure we can figure this out over some nice Pimproh tea . . .
Hei Bai: [fires laser and probably kills ten people]
So Sokka, not wanting the village to be destroyed while Aang struggles to get up enough testosterone to be a guy—or, let’s face it, be a normal human—eagerly runs up to the giant monster (did we mention that? He’s a giant monster, go figure) and hits the thing with a boomerang. I’m sorry. I missed you, Quint. You don’t just “fall” into Bruce’s mouth, and you don’t just “get captured” by a giant monster. You had to do something to deserve it. It’s called karma.
Next is a useless sequence of a CGI Aang aimless floating side to side in what looks like a badly animated video game chase. “Oh come on! Up up down down left right left right B A!” Sadly, being a hippie, Aang refuses to cheat, and it’s Game Over for Sokka.
When Aang wakes up, he’s in the Spirit World. Most convenient plot twist ever!
Being a somewhat whiny little brat, Aang immediately goes ballistic and tries to desperately Airbend. He realizes that no one can see him. Hooray! So what does he do? He attempts to check if he can touch Katara. You know. See an opportunity, take an opportunity? Right. After finally coming to a major problem—he’s literally a “ghost” as far as he knows—he says to himself, “All right then! Time to go on a quest to the great tree to get my life back! Oh, and Shade Silverwing and his son, what’s-his-face, probably want to come, too.”
Meanwhile, a giant dragon appears out of nowhere.
We hit the commercial break.
[drinks some tea]
[writes a novel]
And now, back to the show.
A giant dragon appears and touches Aang’s face lovingly with his tentacles (right Spo and Bas?), thereby leaving me wondering, “So . . . has this happened to the animators? I mean, I hear there are a lot of dragons running around down there, right? Or do catfish do the same thing?”
Also: Aang’s expression. Yeah, that’s how I’d be feeling, too.
Fancy ostrich horses: $20,000
Those silly hats: $500,000
Watching a naked pimp beat up five trained, utterly elite Earthbenders: Priceless.
Interviewer: “So, General Iroh, what would you say is your secret to success?”
Iroh: “That’s simple. Do something nasty and go to jail. Works every time!”
Okaday. Let’s be logical here, shall we? If we look at some later episodes, we can see that Aang can just pop into the Spirit World to say hi, or, let’s face it, Roku can just come up to him on his big fearsome dragon. You know. Fawkes. I mean, Faang. I mean, Fang.
Curse you, punabashed brain of mine!
Come on, seriously? What’s with this random to the Crescent Island! stuff? Whatever happened to being logical?
In the meantime, Fang gives Aang some sort of super-creepy vision of what look like a giant . . . [glances at kiddies in the crowd] . . . er . . . [glances at parents of said kiddies] yeah, comet. Sure. It totally looks like a comet. Uh-huh.
What is this? Is it just a Fire Royal Family genetic trait? A fluke? That kind of thing for which Professor Trelawney would beg? Maybe then Dolores wouldn’t sack her like a dirty diaper . . .
After Fawkes goes to that spirit-forsaken island, and, instead of just giving Harry—I mean, Aang—all the facts, he decides that Aang has to take to Dumbledore—I mean, Roku—for the whole dish. They then return, presumably to give Aang his body back, even though that doesn’t make any sense beyond “Hey, hey, we kind of need a two-part episode. We don’t want another The Great Divide, right?” except the Zhangs and Gan Jin had yet to show their filler faces. But whatever. Let’s go with Bryke.
Aang now has a quest. And a lightning-shaped—I mean, arrow-shaped—tattoo—I mean, scar—I mean, no, wait? They’re both magical orphans with super magical prophecies and a deadly foe! Come on. Aang = Harry, Katara = Hermione, Sokka = Ron, let’s get with the program.
Wait. That doesn’t work. Aang isn’t Hairy. He has no hair to speak of.
At the battle-y side of the equation, the no-giant-things-that-kind-of-look-like-that-thing-that-Combusken-is-said-to-look-like side, is . . . this.
New and Improved! The Pimproh action figure! Now with chains!
Yes, yes. Almost as good as SS’s now with adjectives.
As Pimproh basically takes everyone out, the creators decide to suddenly bring in everyone’s favorite antihero. Sadly for about fifty percent of the ATLA fan base, they decided to make Iroh in only a loincloth and Zuko in full armor. Then again, the other half of the fan base is foaming at the mouth with glee and ecstasy. Both kinds.
The Prince and the Pimp terminate the soldiers while screaming “You have been Pimpinated!” for no apparent reason.
[coughs loudly] Onwards!
Since Aang is back in his awkward preteen body, he, being a total nut-job, decides that he’s going to save the town, which, by the way, had been utterly destroyed since he left. Well, he returns to the smoldering remains and offers the beast an acorn. Hei Bai then immediately turns back into a docile ole panda bear. No, no, that happens all the time! Come on, don’t you remember when they stopped Hilter from massacring the Jews by offering him an acorn? Or when Robert E. Lee surrendered because Ulysses S. Grant gave him a handful? Or that Bilbo Baggins defeated Smaug with one? No? Hm. Well, those who don’t learn history are doomed to repeat it . . . in their social studies classes.
Well, hunky-dorky, it’s a happy ending. Sokka wants some stuff—which I presume to mean his daily snort of cactus juice—which, incidentally, is the quenchiest—and Katara eagerly says “Oh, yeah, thanks! ‘Cause I’m a girl! And we say thaaaaaaank youuuuuuuuuuu!” Meanwhile, we have Aang, who . . . is probably thinking about the deeper symbolism of acorns. And then Momo. Who, as everybody knows, is actually Fire Lord Ozai in disguise.
You know, just like how He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-‘Cause-The-Name’s-Taboo-And-I’m-Not-Dumbledore-Or-Harry-Or-Lupin-For-That-Matter-Though-I-Kind-Of-Want-To-Be-A-Werewolf-Since-It-Sounds-Pretty-Neat “disguised” himself by slapping his face onto the back of Quirrell’s head.
Since, you know, he was a great Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. There was just the problem of having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head.
So, with drugs taken, food eaten, and diabolical plans finalized, they head off to grab some sleep.
In the utterly destroyed town, that is.
Disclaimer: I know what you guys are about to say. You’ve given out too many threes! No, I haven’t. There will be, indeed, only twelve threes. Trust me. I’m figured this all out. Anyway . . . This episode is a 3. It was quite interesting, what with the, eh, Spirit World disappearances and, yeah, the Spirit World. However, I felt something lacking. It wasn’t the best episode, though it was beautifully done.
What are your thoughts on the episode? No flaming!
See you next time!
~The Avatar Demotivator
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