Chapter 6: Imprisoned

A review (and some demotivation) of Book 1: Water, Chapter 6: Imprisoned.

Previously in Avatar: Filler. Snorting. More filler. Old man abs. Yep. Filler.

After Sokka complains about being hungry—what a surprise!—the Gaang decides to check out why Momo suddenly has Earthbending powers. Katara, insanely jealous that Sokka got some Suki lip-action a couple episodes back, immediately initiates Stalker Mode and chases after the first man she sees: A shy boy named Haru. Turns out he’s an Earthbender, and Earthbending is forbidden! After inspecting the wares, Katara picks out the first box of soap she sees, puts it onto the floor, and stands on it, screaming that bending is natural part of life.

Translation: We belong together! Bending is our common denominator!

Aang: I bend, too. I’m the Avatar.

Katara: Haru! How do I love thee? Let me bend the ways . . .

Haru: Uh . . . ?

Walking along the forest path, pine needles crunching underneath his feet, he glanced at the girl silently shadowing him. Slowly, like a lotus bud opening, he revealed to her his secrets—of his father, stolen from him; of his bending, ruthlessly taken away; of his heart, swelling with love for the beautiful Waterbender who listened, head tipped to one side, as he spoke, and then she told him of her troubles—of her mother, life reaped; of her bending, crude, unable to work; of her cheeks, blushing like fire, as she thought of how Sokka would be so jealous that she, too, would be kissed.

Huh. Sounds like a bad romantic comedy.

Actually, M. Night, if you’re reading this, I dearly hope you can’t read the text above. Please. Please. For the love of whatever it is you hold dear. Don’t ruin another aspect of Avatar for your daughter. Please.

Right. They help this poor guy, and he turns them into the Fire Nation guards. I don’t even know what to say here beyond: Gee, that sounds a lot like Peter Pettigrew! Why does everyone sound like Peter freaking Pettigrew?

Oh no! Haru’s been captured! It’s not like the noise yesterday alerted anyone! You know, Haru was only screaming and shouting; I’m sure everyone was sleeping like a baby moose lion. Honestly.

Fake Earthbending! Katara should strike more poses like that. And Aang should abuse more butterflies.

Katara + Fake Earthbending = Fanon Idea!

And now a word from our sponsors. I’m now going to shamelessly advertise my fanon: Read Daughter of Ashes and Air! New chapters coming out today!

Okay, on to the scheduled program.

Tyro, Haru’s paw, shore likens ‘imself sum nice grits, y’all ‘ere me? Mm, mm, mm, dem grits dere shore look like sum home cookin’ right dere. What dat thing ‘bout honored guests? Oh yeah. They fixin’ to make us sum fine dinna, I sez.

Why, Monkeyfeathers, how are you?

Just like Sokka before the invasion, Katara makes an actually good speech, but no one listens, then takes charge. I betcha that’ll happen to Tenzin! Unless it skips generations. Jinora?

Katara’s eHarmony description: Beautiful fourteen-year-old Waterbender from South Pole. Looking for kind, sweet young man she can save constantly. Please send messages via the nearest flying bison.

Aang: So, if I get in trouble more, she’ll like me? Sweet! Azula-lightning-death, here I come!

Monkeyfeathers: So that’s why they finally ship in Book Three! Aang’s almost dying left and right in that one!

Maybe that’s why I like Headband Aang, too.

I mean, seriously. I know you guys are going to kill me for this, but I have to say it. Why? This episode is nonstop talking blah blah blah, and the one interesting scene, we don’t even get to see. Instead, we have Hatara shipping, talking, more Hatara shipping, more talking, a montage of awesome scenes, and more talking. Really?!

They don’t even realize who Aang is until Haru asks Katara, “He’s the Avatar, isn’t he?” Why should they trust some black coal gremlin who just exploded out of the ventilation shaft? And really, why is there a ventilation shaft in the middle of the deck anyway? Furthermore, what’s the point of that air funnel Aang creates? He hits a few people with pebbles? I don’t understand. Why couldn’t he, I don’t know, just whoosh Airbend the Fire Nation guards off the ship by just smacking the ground with his glider?

Following some random pebble dancing and slow-motion bending—wait, what am I talking about? Bryke =\= Night! Did you hear me, Shyamaloser?

This is how you fight! This is why they needed the coal! The Earthbenders lost hope because they didn’t know how to Metalbend, not because they decided that the Avatar should help them out! And please, make Uung smile, at least a little. And why does Uung have an arrow tattoo if Crappa doesn’t? Come on Night! You have a wicked middle name, but you apparently know nothing about Avatar!

Hi again, Monkeyfeathers.

Katara never, ever learns; she doesn’t realize that her brother is a stud who gets all the girls, and she tries desperately with Haru . . . Jet . . . Zuko . . . and ends up with a twelve-year-old kid who’s about as mature as me.

[balances a grenade on her nose] Hey hey, look at this! Haha, I’m so mature! Why are my teachers always complaining I’m not? They’re ridiculous! [hugs stuffed tiger to chest] Right, Hobbes? Amn’t I sooo mature?

Haru: Come home with me. Come.

Katara: I can’t. I have to go to the North Pole. But afterwards . . . [thinks about that fury-that-hell-doesn’t-have Kyoshi warrior] No, I still won’t ship with you.

Oh good gravy. You’re all about to murder me. Ready? This episode is a 1. I just don’t like, and I wouldn’t watch it again. I didn’t want to in the first place, but I decided to do all the episodes in order, so I was forced. I’m sorry to all of your Hatara shippers out there, including Toph, but I simply don’t like this one.

What are your thoughts on the episode? No flaming!

See you next time!

~The Avatar Demotivator

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