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104: The Kyoshi Warriors Demotivated

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Chapter 4: The Warriors of Kyoshi

A review (and some demotivation) of Book 1: Water, Chapter 4: The Warriors of Kyoshi.

Previously in Avatar: Aang flipped out, got a kitty, and named it Fido. I mean Momo.

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Momo, running around the inside of Aang’s shirt, grabbing marbles out of nowhere . . . Hm. Okay. Messed-up. Meanwhile, Katara stitches up Sokka’s pants, and everyone is perfectly fine with Sokka sitting around drinking beer in his underwear. Yet, later, we don’t see any stitches on his pants. Unless they’re in unmentionable parts.

O.o*

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So after Aang flies over half of the ocean looking for Kyoshi—because, you know, guys never ask for directions—he finally lands, and the first thing he does is strip. The first time I saw this, I nearly choked on my cereal spoon, and I had to be taken to the hospital. Ah, good times, good times.

Unfortunately, this also means that Aang wears the same underwear again . . . and again . . . and again . . . for, what, nine months? It’s a good thing they’re not white, or they’d be yellow by now. Yee-ow.

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In a desperate vie for Katara’s attention, Aang recklessly tries to ride the Elephant Koi and ends up riding an Unagi, also known as a simple freshwater eel that mutated into a giant monster due to the radiation on its island. The Unagira regularly asks for sacrifices in the form of young girls, but, as of late, with so many abortions happening, they’ve become an endangered species, so . . .

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The Kyoshi Warriors are forced to kidnap the Gaang. Sadly, this involves a group of girls knocking the team out and Sokka realizing that this is a “girl power” episode. It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it?

The Unagira demands flesh! Blood! Gurrl power!

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Aha, a double pun! Almost as fun as Doublebending. Aang is forced to use his, eh, Airbending to impress the ladies and keep them from being fed to Larry the Unquenchable the Unagira. This includes using those mysterious marbles from earlier. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to call those nice doctors in the white coats . . . ssh, Aang, no, it’s okay, it’s okay . . .

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I have no idea where one comes from, but Monkeyfeathers forced me to do. So hello again, Monkeyfeathers.

You stupid fools! How could you trust little Peter Pettigrew? Don’t be taken in/By his welcome grin/He’s imagining how well you’ll fit in his skin! You know that Peter reports to Lord Voldemort and his Uncle Scar!

Er, thanks.

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Again, attempting to vie for Katara’s attentions, Aang finds himself doing stupid and altogether “hot” things. Sadly, this only endears him to Koko and the other girl—including myself! [drools]—and ends up with:

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Teen aangst! This always happens, doesn’t it? So, as Aang tries to make Katara pay attention to him, Katara tries not to, leaving them both upset. And aangsty, in Aang’s case. It’s okay, Aang. It’s okay. You’ll be fine, I assure you. Just as soon as you kill the Unagira by slicing your own oxygen cord—wait, wrong movie. Tee hee.

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Meanwhile, back at the ranch day spa Team Rocket hideout girl power palace training dojo, Sokka is steadily training with the Kyoshi warriors. This includes being a transvestite. O.o* As soon as s/he dons her/his uniform, s/he suddenly becomes—Superthing! Faster than a girly fan! More powerful than an alpha male! Able to swiftly cross-dress in a single bound! And, of course, capable of knocking a hardened warrior who has trained for years longer than it to the ground! Superthing. Merchandise coming to a television commercial near you.

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“Katara! Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me! Pay attention to meeee!”

“Okay, Aang! Now that all of your fangirls are done, I’ll pay attention to youuu!”

“Oh crap, Katara, now that you’re paying attention to me, the Unagira wants to eat me!”

“Okay, Aang! I’ll just sit here and watch!”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it. Get to Katara.”

“What’s my reward? Riches beyond diamonds? Unimaginable fame?”

One hug.

“Score! Even better!”

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All of a sudden, Prince Zuko attacks.

What?!

All of a sudden, the Kyoshi warriors get toast.

What?!

All of a sudden, Sokka is kissed.

What?!

All of a sudden, the Gaang up and leaves.

What?!

All of a sudden, Aang saves the day by forcing the Unagira to vomit all over the town.

What?!

Sadly, Aang was later arrested for causing a poor freshwater eel to become bulimic.

In the meantime, we Aang fangirls get to hear some very drawn-out moaning.

This episode is a 3. Although it introduced Sokka’s first love interest and was a “girl power” episode, it wasn’t the best in the series, and the ending seemed seriously rushed. As well, my eyes nearly fell out of my head when I first saw Aang stripping. I thought, “I thought it was Y-7!” Then, of course, it turned out okay. What are your thoughts on the episode? No flaming!

See you next time!

~The Avatar Demotivator

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