M: “What, oh . . . oh yeah . . . O_o”
B: “Daang, we had a lot of nightmares.”
M: “Well, that’s good! So I was thinking that we should put in more this season.”
B: [holds up hands] “Woah, so you like ruining little kids’ lives?”
M: [glances at aforementioned hot foxy lady] “What gave you the hint?” [eyebrow twitch]
B: “Well, we should have one in 201 . . . maybe one in Ba Sing Se . . . and maybe we should throw in a good dream into the mix, too . . . [looks up] [sighs] Mike, it’s way too early in the morning for—good gravy what are you doing with tha—”
Bryan immediately went to the drawing board and scribed a very peculiar plot summary, a summary that would later become the horrendous LSD ball that is Nightmare and Daydreams.
And he was never. The same. Again.
So Aang goes up to the deck and leans over the side. Katara follows him and asks if he has sea sickness and whether or not he would like some peppermint. Aang replies that he doesn’t have sea sickness—he has Three-Oh-Nine-Syndrome. Doctor Katara, being the most brilliant doctor in the history of the world, promptly diagnoses him and provides his cure:
I’ve always wondered what happened after that hug. Does Katara just pat his shoulder awkwardly and amble down the stairs, leaving Aang to possibly commit suicide? Or what happens?
Hey, tell you what! Next time I’m on a Water Tribe headed towards the Earth Kingdom with a Waterbender, I’ll make sure to have a nightmare and go up on deck so I can tell all of you about it!
Oh crap! Random
Yes, The Incredibles is a great movie, but what’s the moral of the story? Syndrome, who doesn’t have any superpowers, makes his own technology—actually works for it—and just tries to, oh my gosh, be a superpower! And they don’t let him! And then they kick his butt to kingdom come and destroy everything.
. . . there’s a moral in there, if you turn your head to one side and squint real hard.
So Aang gets some Waterbending scrolls that . . . we never see. Later, when he’s at Wan Shi Tong’s All-You-Can-Eat Buffet—I-I-I mean Library, yeah, Library—he gives up a wanted poster of himself (they can’t get his nose right) and apparently leaves these babies on the ship.
Katara gets an amulet with some magic spirit water action—thank you, Aang!—and promptly proceeds to forget about it for most of the book. Where did she keep it, anyway? Is there an extra necklace band around her neck? What gives?
And Sokka, being the only male of the group, receives a macho pat on the shoulder.
Momo, on the over hand, receives a box of Waterbending scrolls that he later sells on the black market in order to fund his plans for domination of the entire terrain.
Scene cut to! oh my goodness . . .
Pimprohs being pimps.
Emo boys being emo.
Random hearts being random and exciting all of the Iroh yaoi fangirls—Yaoiroh?—that claim Iroh and Zuko do certain things behind closed doors.
And by that I mean Pai Sho.
Because what else could they be doing?
Unlike Ozai and Zuko . . . [smirks nastily and waves a piece of paper with the words Poison Tree on top] Muahahah! Muahahahahaaaa!
AND THEN OUR FLAG WILL FLY
AGAINST A BLOOD-RED SKY
THAT’S MY LULLABY!
[is shot with tranquilizers]
[is carted away by the good doctors in white coats]
[insert insane cackling laughter here]
To Azula, one hair out of the place the equivalent of losing our jobs, being mugged, living in the street for five years, going to war, returning home, and dying of starvation shortly afterwards.
See, the waves aren’t going to kill Azula, even if she was thrown overboard. She controls the waves and the tide. The tide freaking lets her ship pass, even though it was physically impossible. What gives?
Imagine Azula at Hama’s age. I bet you she’d have mastered Bloodbending.
What’s that? She’s not a Waterbender?
Yes, but she’s the devil.
Bring her some Prada, please.
She knows Waterbending like I know the back of my hand.
Hey, that’s new!
You know, the whole plot of this episode would have been over two acts earlier had just Aang and Gaang said: “You know, we’ve survived thus far without adult supervision. We’ll be okay.”
General Fong: “Wahwahwahwahwahwahwah?”
Katara: “You’re a good man, Avatar Aang. Let’s go.”
And off they went, presumably with Momo flying in a tiny plane above them.
“I’m gunning for you, Momo!”
And speaking of Fong. When I joined the Wiki, the Welcome to Wiki message had a little picture of Fong and his Earthbenders. What did that mean? That I would be exploited, not for the good of myself, but for that of the Wiki?
[sees her 4,000 edits]
Never mind, quite appropriate, quite appropriate . . .
Hm, I see.
So Appa is standing there looking all . . . Appa-y.
That’s a full time job, kiddies.
Sokka, hands on hips, is trying to stretch and look manly, but he’s forgotten about a) there aren’t really a whole lot of girls in the vicinity and b) he’s not having his manly close-up yet. :o
Aang is . . . rubbing his rear end, presumably because it’s fallen asleep.
You know, I think my rear end did.
And so did yours, just now.
Sociology! Psychology! Some other random, made-up word that starts with s and ends in ology!
. . . sexyology?
Their conclusions would look like this: “Aang was so hot . . . steam looked cool.”*
You get ten TAD points if you caught the reference. Note: TAD points are only redeemable for Aang puns and origami cranes.
. . . or Aang puns about origami cranes.
I think I’m the next [insert name of famous CEO of a technology company here]!
Is that a grammatical error in my demotivational poster?!
If you catch it, you can have this . . . [checks pocket] Oh, a cookie! It’s kind of smooshed from being in my pocket this long, but I’m sure you won’t mind, right? The chocolate chips are a bit melted, I admit, and I guess that the raisins aren’t exactly fresh, but, then again, grammar isn’t exactly the hardest thing ever right?
Anyway, shouldn’t General Fong have . . . shipped out with Aang by now? What was the whole point of the military escort, by the way? Wouldn’t the Gaang have been safer flying in the sky above the clouds by their relatively inconspicuous selves? Appa’s white for a reason; he looks. Like. A. Cloud.
What would a military escort of slow-moving Earth Kingdom soldiers do except for obviously attract Fire Nation attention, use us both needed supplies and soldiers, and make the voyage so slow it would take forever. Remember: Appa can fly very fast—and let’s not get into Hyperbending here—so what gives?
Oh yeah, I remember! The creators needed to show you that the Earth Kingdom was doing . . . something.
I wonder if everyone thought that Aang and the Gaang were dead considering that they left the public eye for a good fourteen episodes, and furthermore: How come there is no war in Ba Sing Se . . . and there are no military strongholds left . . . but there are still armies and soldier and whatnot?! From where are they coming?!
“Though, honey, it may impossible . . . that’s the gospel truth!”
Why yes, I am indeed allowed to quote Hercules.
For all you Korzin shippers out there: . . . why?
I mean, really. Go ahead. Tell me why in the world you ship Korzin.
Surely it can’t be because . . .
1) Korra is sixteen, while Tenzin is forty-plus. Unless you like pedophilia.
2) Korra is technically Aang’s incarnation . . . so Aang would be shipping with his son. Unless you like father/son child abuse.
3) Aang would constantly interrupt them and whatnot, possibly leading to some zany triples (see: every fanfiction ever). Unless you write fanfiction as opposed to fanon.
So, if you have a reason to ship Korzin other than the above, please let me know! I really want to hear it.
And go insane.
I already am!
What was I saying earlier about the one hair? I’m surprised Azula didn’t just turn around and beat Lo and Li up where they, er . . . sat. Also how can you teach Firebending if you’re not a Firebender? That would be like . . . someone teaching French . . . who doesn’t know it! :o
That sounds difficult.
“And then you say How are you? in French. Go on.”
“But, monsieur, I don’t know how to say that in French.”
“Wait, what was that word you said? Monster?”
“. . . monsieur foie gras? That means How are you?”
“Excellent. Did everyone hear him? Now, I say I’m fine, and to you.”
“Er . . . ah shedanza.”
“Very good, boy. You may sit down now. Next?”
Ten TAD points may be awarded to the lucky devil who up and knows that reference I made in there. Hint: It’s not Ratatouille.
The above joke makes zero sense if you have never watched Digimon, but let give you a hint: If you think that name is bad, say hello to WarMetalGrayVegetableBatugamon and I swear on my life that that is, indeed, an actual Digimon—and it’s the first one I could name from the top of my head.
So, thanks Digimon, but I think I’ll stay with my Pokémon. Over here. Waaay over here. But thanks for the offer, okay?
Back to Avatar. After building the Three Gorges Dam onto Aang’s water chakra, he swiftly tries to concoct various ways to get Aang into the Avatar State. It’s a really good thing that Guru Pathik wasn’t here, or he would have had General Fong perhaps even ‘do away’ with Katara in order to unblock the last cha—
That happens anyway.
Speaking of chakras, with his earth, water, fire, air, and energy chakras blocked, how did Fong expect to get him into the Avatar State?
Oh yeah, because you don’t need to unblock the chakras anyway. :o
Oh, yes, I can absolutely be this perverse. Don’t go with me, the Gutter Lord of the Gutter Nation, and remember all your Gutterbenders—pay your daang rent.
Furthermore: “You’re weak, just like the rest of your demotes! They didn’t deserve to exist in this world—in my world! Prepare to join them! Prepare to . . .die!”
Oh, hey, Li’l Voice. It’s only been four months. How we doing?
Pretty good. Thanks TAD. What’s going on here?
Well, due to my decreasing grasp on the Wiki, I’m going insane.
Oh, I see. May I help speed the process along?
Go ahead. By the way, can I ask your name?
You can call me the Lord of the Flies . . . Beelzebub . . . Stephenie Meyer . . . it all comes out the same.
Oh, I see. Thanks!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Aang is busily sipping tea, and it makes him totally hyperactive. You know like what that sounds?
Ever wonder why I drink so much tea?
That’s what fueling this demote right now.
Yes, I understand that the lovely Zuko is waaay too good for the life of a refugee, daangit. He’s accustomed to the oh so luxurious life of a prince in exile!
He’s accustomed to having a daang telescope!
Zuko/Telescope. My OTP.
So when Azula shows up—and mind, last time Zuko was her had her looking all aroused as he was scarred by his father—anyone else thinking Poison Tree + Tyzukozai triple? Oh God no! Oh God no! Anything but that!—Zuko doesn’t know what to say.
On one hand . . . money! Food! Telescope!
On the other . . . death! Torture! More death!
But later, Zuko is quick to beat Iroh’s rear end all over the floor because Zuko. Wants. His. Daang. Telescope.
See, the one guy with 24/7 Iroh access is the one guy who doesn’t use it.
That’s like if all of the food on the entire planet was owned by a single person . . . and then that person starved.
And presumably the masses rose up to grab themselves some fried chicken, started to man local McDonald’s, and began to sing in oddly perfect intonation and dance with synchronized moves, neither of which they had learned.
Oh no! It’s the High School Musical apocalypse!
In case you guys don’t know what a woobie is, please feel free to take a glance at TvTropes.org. Warning: Be prepared to spend the entire. Night. And possibly some of the next day as well.
So, I think—don’t quote me on this—that this is the second time we see this image, the first time being in 112. Slowly, all the pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place.
I have to say here that I really love how they introduced the present first, then the not-so-distant past, and finally the all-the-way past in 207.
Now all they have to do is show us Zuko being born and him dying and we can slap Fire Bringer on the cover and have ourselves a bestselling book.
Ten TAD points to the person who can name the main character from a book mentioned in this section. Thirty if you can name both. Yes, you can use Google.
So, in the middle of all this chaos and/or more chaos and/or most chaos, General Fong decides to be unbearably cruel and Earthbends a desk into Aang.
Quick, call the police!
Quick, call the rights’ activists!
Quick, call the idea!
It’s a scandal! That’s unneeded violence right there!
What happened, TAD?
Oh, Li’l Voice! General Fong’ s gone crazy! He destroyed my poor desk!
. . . I see.
Oh, and he’s attacking Aang.
As for the poster . . . Turtle Girl is a big fan of Sokka. A big fan. She also specializes in Photoshop. Mm . . . I think I’ve seen more of Sokka than I ever wanted to see—and I didn’t even look at the images she created.
But let me say this: They got her banned off of DeviantArt.
Well, if she wasn’t a deviant artist, I don’t know who is.
I keep making posters like this.
Because I said so.
No, the reason I make posters like this is because . . . it’s true. Let me show you some evidence: Here. This is a panshot. The words The End are above and a kissing Kataang couple is below.
Kataang is The End.
There is no Zutara.
This is The End.
There is no Chapter Fourteen.
Reference = ten TAD points, again. ;3
Whoever collects the most points wins a trophy.
Much like that “this will be enriching for all of us” guy from Atlantis: The Lost Empire, whom I, perhaps for obvious reason, despise beyond all belief—and let me tell you, was I glad when he finally gave up and died—General Fong is way too stupid to realize what’s going on until afterwards. It’s like Frankenstein’s monster, if the monster had been actually mean and cruel. It’s as if Frankenstein created Dracula.
It’s as if Frankenstein created . . . Stephenie Meyer.
“It works! Muahahah!”
A few years and four Twilight books later . . .
So, as Aang goes Avatar State and turns into a giant tornado of death and . . . death, General Fong just stands there dumbly, looking all proud of himself—and who wouldn’t be proud of binging about the death of, say, everyone in the camp that he fought to protect, right?—until the wind reaches him.
And then he realizes it’s not a controlled Avatar State.
Oh no. See, Aang has two berserker buttons, Appa and Katara.
How to fix Aang-berserking?
1) Hurt Katara.
2) Wait ten seconds.
I put that on a demote, and it’s still true. Look! We just saw the recipe in action!
And now, back to Cooking with the OH MY SPIRITS HE’S GONE AVATAR STATE AND WILL DESTROY US ALDKGALGHAMGHHZNMGRRRP—
Hey, the ratings will be absolutely through the roof, especially if they can host it in Japan and get maybe some ninja-chefs and hot Asian girls to run around screaming.
Mm . . . I love that place.
What’d you say Li’l Voice?
It’s so crazy I don’t even have to send my demons over there. They do everything themselves.
What are you—
Hush, girl! Continue the demote blog!
You know, the entire point of this episode is that Aang will have to defeat the Fire Lord on his own and that he can’t use the Avatar State like a Mario mushroom, because unlike Mario, Aang isn’t a drug addict.
If Mario wasn’t a drug addict, why would he keep hallucinating all those koopas and castles and Peaches? Peach, who apparently had Bowser’s child without knowing it, courtesy of Nintendo, who not only disregards the laws of physics but apparently those of biology as well.
[throws up hands]
Back to Avatar. Let’s face it. If Aang hadn’t magically gone Avatar State, he would have died. He was just too exhausted to go on. I think that most of us can agree that victory was not very likely, especially since Aang was just totally on the defensive and refused to strike even a single blow.
So . . . what’s the point of this episode?
You shouldn’t use the Avatar State to defeat the Fire Lord, but go ahead and do it anyway. We’ll take control of your body and beat him up for you.
Just . . . great moral there, Bryke.
Of all the episodes in the show, this is, unfortunately, one of the most irrelevant, except for the “if you die in the Avatar State, the Avatar Cycle is broken” thing, which, let’s face it, could have easily been stuck in some other place.
[Grammar Ozai tenses tingling . . .]
Am I bashing the episode? Oh, no.
Am I demotivating it? Oh, yes.
Meanwhile, Zuko runs off to go with his sister to the Fire Nation, but Iroh knows that something is up. Zuko starts to fight with Azula—in a sleeping robe, apparently, because clearly he couldn’t change into something more proper for his first official appearance to the Fire Nation in three years, but whatever—and he gets scratched across the head.
However, Zuko is clearly Wolverine, because in the next shot—bam! The scars are gone!—and he can continue his fighting and creation of firecest community all over the web.
And now, a short poem.
Oh, Internet, how I hate you.
Yes, I absolutely do.
Please stop your Rule Thirty-Four.
Because I’ll start killing if I see one more!
Sadistic pacifism aside, I’ll go Avatar State. I’m actually deactivating my dA account because I can’t deal with it anymore, on my account or otherwise.
Again, back to Avatar. Wow, where is my mind today?
Slowly being invaded by yours truly.
Oh, there you are, Li’l Voice.
Keep demoting. Your stupidity pleases me.
Oh, a Jewish Li’l Voice. Cut the sarcasm. No please attached.
So Zuko knocks Azula into the water—and she doesn’t die. It was stated rather explicitly—and not in that way, you Gutterbenders—that the wave would kill anyway who fell over the ship.
But Azula doesn’t die.
I mean come on! Her name means demon—Asura—in Sanskrit, which is the chakra language.
If that’s not the most appropriate name meaning, I don’t know what is.
Except maybe my name, which means victory.
. . . I am victorious! Hahaha!
After the Emo Wonder and El Gordo chop off their topknots and cause Zuko fangirls all over the nation to simultaneously die—he can’t be bald like Aang!—we cut to an Aang looking at all the destructing he caused. Then Sokka clobbers Fong over the head, and everyone is suddenly smiling. And then they just leave. I wonder what Fong will say when he walks up with no Avatar. And how in the world will the Earth King—well, Long Feng—respond? No, not even that. What about the freaking Council of freaking Five? Won’t they be a bit scared that the Avatar has apparently disappeared?
I mean siriusly?
And then he just shows up later in Ba Sing Se. Mm, I see. I wonder how many poor people lost their hope only to find it again—and how many, at this point, just stopped caring.
The Avatar’s only the greatest icon of hope ever to 75% of the world. No, no, no, let’s just let him disappear! Hooray!
See, this is what makes Avatar and Eragon awful. Eragon actually sticks with the people in power. Aang and Gaang ignore that and go by themselves.
Imagine if Aang had died in the swamp.
Twenty TAD points: Which vision was my favorite swamp vision? :o
I adore this episode and originally gave it a 5, but honestly . . . I am now giving it a 2. Why? Because as I was demotivating it, I realized that it wasn’t exactly the super episode I’ve originally envisioned. It was hilarious, yes, and I give it two points for the epic Kataang scene, but . . . meh. [shrugs] I found an episode far more deserving of a 5 to which I’d given a 2 previously. :o
I think I’m going to redo my entire list of episodes. I made that list before I joined the Wiki. My views have changed much—very much.
- TAD is so cool, she makes ice look hot.
See you next time!
The Avatar Demotivator