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EPIC RAP BATTLE: Aang vs. Ben Tennyson

ResonX November 9, 2013 User blog:ResonX


Warning: This script contains some language and very harshly aggressive words.

Original posting of lyrics: [2]






•• Aang: ••

I've come fully dressed; even studied for a math test,

To ensure that I'll secure my victory without contest!

Defeating you will be more trivial than the Great Divide.

Keep your alien–whatevers; the elements are on my side,

And I've been trained in all four and mastered each one.

You're a Ben of all trades, but a master of none;

Mario trumps you hands–down when it comes to Plumbers,

And Phineas and Ferb had a more eventful Summer…

…Well, actually, so did I, but that's not what I really meant…

…Hm, Let me just put it this way: You can go get bent!

I'm nature incarnate; you're in way over your head.

Even if you somehow killed me, I wouldn't stay dead;

Haven't you heard? I've got reincarnation benefits.

I'm immortal as your Davy Jones–lookalike nemesis!

All I've said up to this point was just the calm before the storm,

But now I'll hit you with the full force of a whole Alien Swarm!

Your "Race Against Time" was a joke next to mine;

I saved a credible world; stopped long–term war crimes!

You ride your granddad's RV; I own a giant flying bison!

I'm a true work of art; you're built around merchandising.

I'll leave you permanently stuck in the form of the Worst.

I bet you're proud of your premise, but someone else did it first!

That's right: you're just as much of a copy as Albedo.

Four words, Tennyson: Dial H for Hero.

•• Ben: ••

I see you've taken several levels in badass, Cailou,

But no Upgrade will Grey Matter when I go Heatblast and fry you!

Your head is full of air; I've got a head of solid of diamond;

I'll make a bigger joke of you than the folks at Ember Island

When I butcher you like phrases by your doppelganger Omi;

Steal all your fans away except the rabid fools like Foamy,

Sink you down more deeply than the H.M.S. Zutara

And beat you so bad, that if it doesn't break your samsara,

It'll still take you your next ten reincarnations

Just to rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!

I'm the Protector of Earth; got the Ghostfreaking Omnitrix.

Your best gadget is a giant paper fan inside a stick,

Which you should use right now to go Stinkfly away and hide,

Just like you did, or rather, tried, during your people's genocide!

You nomad, bro? Come on; there's no need to hate

Just because I'll beat you ten times faster than XLR8,

And more effortlessly than your Xbox game achievements!

Think you'll best my all heroes with your puny elements?

Well, newsflash: not only is ten greater than four,

But it's also an understatement; I've got dozens more!

I'll Armodrillo right through you like the walls of Ba Sing Se;

Steal your face, name and title when I take your DNA,

So call me Koh, or, if you so prefer, James Cameron.

Either way, I'll twist your ass worse than M. Night Shyamalan

When I tear those tattoos of yours clean off your body,

Grab myself a real arrow, and shove it in your knee!

•• Aang: ••

Just had some fireside chat with Avatar Roku; he says:

Avatar Roku: Ditch this brat and fight someone worthy, like Kid Goku!

Aang: Don't threaten me with fire; that's simply no use!

I quench flames so hard, you'd swear I bended cactus juice.

Send in Ozai, Sozin and even Ragnaros;

I'll turn any Fire Lord you throw at me into a ghost,

Like my pal Danny Phantom, who'd also beat you with ease.

You may think you're Way Big, but you're just Saturday morning cheese!

I'm utterly unrelenting when I'm Energybending.

Your "ultimate form" stands still while you're busy dissenting

With two giant faces, but even they would have to agree:

I'm on par with Bionicle; you're more like Hero Factory!

•• Ben: ••

Then, everything changed when I attacked back!

I'm a real Man of Action with the powers you lack,

Like staying power; stamina to rap a whole decathlon.

Don't you know? I'm on my fourth series, and still going strong,

Selling more toys than any teenage boy this side of Ash Ketchum,

So bring your whole gaang along; I'll decimate 'em, and then some!

(At this point, Ben abruptly changes to his more cartoonish appearance from the "Omniverse" series)

Four Arms will sock Sokka so hard, he'll go flying up into space,

Reunite with his girlfriend, and leave a crater in her face,

While Humungousaur stomps Momo out like Bambi Meets Godzilla

And Big Chill freezes your girl just like she did to Azula,

Before I smack the hope out of her – no, not you, Charmcaster;

Traumatically beating her to the sound of SpongeBob's laughter.

And as for that blind chick, I'll crush her fair and square

When Wildmutt mauls her like a platypus bear!

•• Aang: ••

Dude, what the hell just happened to your design?!

I never even mocked your old one; you looked just fine!

And on your threatening my posse, well, you're doing it wrong,

'Cause you forgot the one homeboy that I did bring along:

•• Zuko: ••

I don't need luck, and I don't need to shoot lightning

To beat you to your lowest point, where there's no silver lining.

I'll make you more butthurt than that guy with the cabbages;

Burn you so bad, they'll have to cover you in bandages.

Say "uncle", and you'll still end up looking like Snare–oh,

Because that'll be my cue to gang up on you with Iroh!

And once you're stripped of every shred of dignity and honor,

I'll let you rot in prison; make you cellmates with my father.

But seriously, me against you? There's no discussion!

You're a common delinquent who's way too close with his cousin,

And has a girl's voice, shared with multiple princesses,

None of whom could ever hope to match my crazy sister bitch!

I'm the fangirls' first choice when it comes to bad boys,

So eat your heart out, Loki; you too, Draco Malfoy!

Not since Dickens has there been a greater tale of redemption,

But if you know what's good for you, you won't dare even mention…


Yo, what's up?! They call me Kevin 11,

And I'm about to send you to the opposite of Heaven,

'Cause I– *Wilhelm Scream, is engulfed in flames*

•• Zuko: ••

That miserable, punk–ass, sociopath cheater,

With the least plausible so–called reformation since Vegeta!

•• Aang: ••

Thank you; you may now f**k Katara for one day.

Now, then, Ben, as I'd been meaning to say:

On the reason you suck, you yourself pretty much said it:

You're a self–indulgent sellout; you don't know when to quit!

I can tell a focused story with a start, middle and end.

You've made up more filler than Lost's writers could defend,

Betraying your title with your surplus of cheap new aliens,

And giving everyone unneeded half–human origins,

With TV movies, retcons, crossovers and spin–offs galore;

You were likable at first, maybe, but not anymore!

Multiple timelines? Rook Blonko? What is this crap?!

Live–action fi… okay, bad example, but still; I'm not even rapping anymore.

(*Beat stops*)

Simply put, YOU. ARE. NOT. THAT. GREAT! Your show is standard–fare children's entertainment, not the next Star Trek; you don't deserve a franchise! Well, I'm putting a stop to it right here, and right now.

(Starts rising into the air, eyes and body glow, voice becomes "demonic") BEN TENNYSON, YOU ARE OVERRATED AND FULL OF YOURSELF, AND NOW, YOU SHALL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE! I AM THE MOTHERF**KING AVAT–

(Ben, as Feedback, strikes Aang down with a blast of electricity; he plummets lifelessly, and and inexplicably explodes upon hitting the ground)

Ben: Goodbye, and Good Riddance!

……… ……… ……… ………


Ben: Hey, you forgot to do the "Who Won?" thi–


Ben: Wait, what?


Ben: What's going on?!



Ben: …Um, who?


…Am I supposed to be rapping right now? I literally have nothing to say at this point.


•• Korra: ••

I told you I was immortal, Benny,

And unlike Ra's al Ghul, I meant it literally,

Because I'm back in the flesh, albeit in a girl's body,

And I'm avenging myself, so call me Takeo Masaki!

You're all burned out, but I'm still fresh and juicy,

So get ready for some pain, 'cause this is gonna be a doozy:

My name is Korra, and I've got money in the bank;

Spitting more platinum than an Equalist tank.

This ain't no tan; I'm proud to be an all–natural brown,

And even when I'm de–bended, no one can keep me down!

I'm more ballin' than Bolin; I'm fire on this mic,

Mastering the elements back since I was just a tyke!

You're weak! Even if you hadn't just completely choked,

I'm sure your disses would have been lamer than Amon's stand–up jokes!

Ben: Yeah? Well, I still have a couple other trix up my sleeves.

You struggle just to be the leaf; I can be anything I please!

Korra: Not when I make your ridiculous powers cease to exist,

Not by severing your chi paths, but by severing your wrist!

Then I'll see your ass locked up deep down inside Boiling Rock,

And have them shuttle you there on the same boat with Tarrlok!

I'm not the one wrecking you; you're wrecking yourself,

'Cause messing with me is known to be hazardous to health!

I'd hate to make this drag on like you would, so I'd better split,

But just remember: I'm the Avatar. You gotta deal with it!




MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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