Well, here I am, once again, at the Walls of FRS Judgement. I'd sat I'm a lot more prepared this time, but who knows? Anyways, wish me best, and onto the review! I'll be reviewing The Lost Air Temple by Kuzonkid7. Enjoy!
An ever-changing world keeps the Avatar busy, as the Fire Nation changes power from the sages to the Fire Lord. As the Air Temple's children disappear, the Avatar must stop the kidnappers, even if it kills him.
An interesting idea, to say the least. I liked the whole idea of evil Fire Sages, and it is cool showing how much leverage the Sages have over the Fire Nation. Along with it's unique plot, this fanon has LOTS of action, which is a nice bonus. :) Now, withought further ado, I present, the SCORES!
Score: 7.0 - Overall, the story has several creative and unique ideas, but as I was reading, there were points where I thought you should have expanded, or elaborated upon so that you could bring out the plot's full potential. There seems to be a lot of dialogue and action, but you should also throw in more of the events, as well. There definintely is room for improvement, but the plot is very unique and has great potential. As long as you take your time, your fanon will go far.
Score: 6.5 - During the first book, there would be points where I'm like, Woah, dude! We just switched scenes! Where'd that come from, dude? And why do I sound like a hippy? They came sudden and without warning or indication. No line, or cool little symbol, or anything. This kind of thing can throw off your readers and leave them confused. This improved, however, in book 2, and I congratulate you on that.
Score: 8.0 - Hey, it's about an Avatar! That's, like, so unoriginal. Wait... evil Fire Sages? 0_0 Can I have your autograph! Kuzonkid has done impressively well in this category.
Score: 6.0 - First things first, write with more description, more detail, more... Flair! When I read a story, I look for the details, the visual cues. I want the setting, the characters, I want to be able to imagine the story in my head. More of those sensory details will win you a lot more fans, and that is a fact. Also, there were points that you switched tenses. This can leave your readers feeling very confused. Try to watch for that, as well.
Score: 6.5 - No matter what the genre, you NEED to show the emotions of you character, or he/she will fall flat, and no one will be able to relate with them. Whether you want your character to be loved or hated, this cannot be accomplished just by actions. You need to show their emotions, how they think, and that's when your characters really do their developing.
Score: 6.8 - This fanon has a lot of ation, but it's all pretty limited. There is black and white action, and there is colored action. Which do you prefer? Without the flair that comes from a thesaurus, an action scene can't go very far. Put in the descriptions, don't use the same word twice, show how your characters feel... and pretty soon, your fanon might be winning some awards. ;)
Score: 7.5 -This fanon is pretty believable, but just within the boundary. Not much else to be said.
Score: 7.0 - Hey, I stuck to it! You should too. This fanon might have it's mistakes, but don't we all? This fanon deserves attention.
Average score: 6.9125
Tips for Kuzonkid7: All of the above basically referred to the lack of detail. In most fanons, this is the case. There were a couple grammar slip-ups, as well as other things, but really. The detail is what matters most. You need more of the behind-the-scenes stuff if you want your fanon to go far.
Who should read this?
Hmm... let me think... maybe... You? It's so unique and creative, read it! Seriously!
Alright, all finished up, I hope you enjoyed it! That's PreservationsWings, signing off.