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Fanon Review: To BE but Not to BE by Omar067

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Omashu Rocks here with another installment of FRS:The Omashu Scoop! Today's fanon is To BE but Not to BE by Omar067.

Sokka reaches out BW

Author's Plot: To BE but Not to BE is a fanon series written by Omar067. It tells the story of a boy named Elquiorra that has a lot of nihilistic views on life. He is the successor of Avatar Korra and has already mastered Earth, Water, Firebending and Airbending. Now he must attempt to face a man named the Death God who has overthrown the King of Republic City. The Death God and special members of his army uses an ability called bio bending that allows them to control a living things life. Elquiorra will meet many friends on his journey that will change his nihilistic views on the world…

I've read Omar's previous The Adventures of Omar|fanon]], and I knew from it that this fanon would have an impressive, creative plot with interesting characters. The only thing I couldn't tell before reading the first chapter was whether or not Omar had learned from his other writing experiences and improved in the deliverance of his bright ideas--he succeeded, as this story knocks the socks off his first.

SCORES:

Plot/Storyline: Omar's ideas never cease to impress me. 9.1
Organization: Given that there has only been one chapter released, judging whether or not the author succeeded in planning ahead can be done properly.
Creativity: The Biobenders may turn out to be one of the coolest original organizations on the wiki. 9.3
Action: Not too many fanons have a great action scene in the first chapter. This one has two. Well done. 9.2
Interest level: I'm anxious to meet the Death God and see who/what Elquiorra encounters next. 9.3
Character Development: So far, the author has provided a slight hint to the protagonist's past. His personality is also very intriguing. 9.2
Believability: Nothing too out-of-the-ordinary here. Perhaps the outcome of the first battle was a bit "hmmm…" 9.2
General Writing: Omar has improved in descriptions and vocabularly. However, many sentences use repetitive words and structure. 8.7

AVERAGE: 9.1
Note: All Scores Are Out Of Ten

What Omar067 does right:
I can tell that this story will shape into a fascinating legend one day. The author is doing a great job so far about keeping the Death God's identity unknown (and he should probably keep it that way for a while). The Biobenders are also a vert unique group.

What Omar067 could improve on:
When writing a paragraph, try to refrain from repetitiveness. For example, stay away from sentences like "Elquiorra was thirsty. Elquiorra got a glass of water. Elquiorra's thirst was quenched." One solution is using different words to describe the same thing like "Avatar" or simply "boy". Another thing that I often noticed was the use of the word "replied" rather than "said" when there was no previous statement to reply to...

Who does To BE but Not to BE appeal to?
Tired of fanons that follow Team Avatar? Sick of protagonists that travel from nation to nation in order? Want to read about a mysterious, dark overlord that abuses his people with a unique type of bending via his awesome troops? Read Omar's fanon… NOW.

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