|
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!
|
Omashu Rocks here for another installment of FRS:The Omashu Scoop! Today's fanon is The Journey of Tala by Kuir.
Official Plot: The Journey of Tala takes place during the time of the Avatar succeeding Korra, an earthbender named Tala. She has been discovered in Omashu, where King Urri has used this to make his city strong politically and keeping her training enclosed in the city.
The White Lotus is a large and powerful organization and the Airbenders have grown into four clans from the children of Tenzin.
Peace is widespread as Korra became a great Avatar, but peace is an illusion. Republic City has taken actions that threaten and insult the sovereignty of the Fire Nation. Fear has spread around the world that war will break out again. Tala is nineteen years old when the story begins. She is learning airbending from Hava Jinorra. She has been invited to meet the new Fire Nation Councilman for Republic City. Upon return, news reaches her of armies preparing for war. Choices must be made, as a man called the Black Dragon orchestrates a world war, Tala must find a way to stop the war.
But in a world of power and greed, nothing is at it seems. Even Tala will be rocked by her choices, and the past shall decide the future.
SCORES:
Plot/Storyline: First off, I advise revising the "plot" section on the main page. The way it's written now, it makes the plot seem much more confusing and jump-aroundish than it is. By jump-aroundish, I mean that the plot is rushed, and to an extent, it is. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow, because what may seem boring to the author may be exactly what a reader needs to get a good feeling of what's going on.8.5
Creativity: I really like the Black Dragon. It's unique characters "the Apex of Fire" like that that bring the creativity score up. 9.3
Interest Level: Advice for here: lead people on to an idea with a chapter or two, then make a twist in the middle of the third or something, then twist it again (even greater this time) for a cliffhanger. 8.5
Character Development: Characters are the strong point of this fanon. 9.2
Action: Not bad, but not great. Try adding more emotions in fight scenes, ie: pain, panic, etc. 8.6
Believability: Unfortunately, everything happens so fast that it's hard to believe. This is one of those times when one flaw can affect two categories. 8.3
General Writing: I noticed quite a few grammar mistakes, missing commas, and tense confusion. An example of tense confusion would be, and this is from the plot, "Peace is widespread as Korra became a great Avatar." We have something happening in the present and past at the same time, and it doesn't make sense. Also, I am prescribing an Thesaurus to help with vocabulary. I disagree with some of the other reviewers on this, but as long as you don't throw in words that either nobody knows or don't really fit, using a Thesaurus us great. 8.0
Average Score: 8.63
Note: All Scores Are Out Of Ten
What Kuir does right/can improve on:
I gave a lot of this throughout the review so I shall recap the areas where improvement is needed: "plot" section revision, twists, cliffhangers, pain, Thesaurus. The strong points of this fanon are character development and creativity with the characters.