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Omashu Rocks here for another installment of FRS:The Omashu Scoop! Today's fanon isby .
Official Plot: In the final days of the Hundred Year War, a mysterious young man appeared and helped Team Avatar defeat the Fire Nation. After a short time however, he vanished, taking with him the wonderous sercrets of technology he had brought with him. Now, seventy years later, another young man has appeared. His name is John Rider, and he's on the run after being betrayed by his freinds. He is a Gunslinger, a member of our world's version of The Order of the White Lotas, and a very skilled Firebender at that. But John cares with him not only a sarcastic and joking side, but a dark side that all those who live by the gun must deal with.
However the Equilests are on the rise, and John must ally himself with Avatar Korra to try and stop a worldwide uprising.
More problems arise however as John's old Order begins to break down and fight amongst themselves. Soon, the young Firebender is forced to bring his friends into the Avatar World so that they would not be distroyed. However, the Refugees begin to clash with Equilests and other people in Republic City, threatening to start an all out war for the heart of the city.
But the Equilests are searching for somthing burried deep beneath the city, somthing anchent and dark.
For John, this world gives him the freedom to do what he loves. But it will also revel secrets that never should have been known. Not only on his friends, but on his family as well. Can he keep it together and survive, or be lost to the growing fires of hatred in the city?
Plot/Storyline: There are certainly some intriguing aspects of the story, but I can't say that there's one clear, definite mission/problem/goal for John Rider other than that all these factions are up to no good. What I mean is, Aang's ultimate goal was to defeat Ozai but it seems like John Rider is just running around finding trouble. I advise the author to make at least one clear end goal, though in no way am I suggesting that side-plots are bad. Also, I have to take into consideration that the whole Equalists/Republic City thing is straight out of LOK.8.6
Creativity: The fanon is creative, no doubt about that. This whole Gunslinger/alternate worlds thing is really unique. Unfortunately, I have to deduct a few points for lack of originality when it comes to Korra vs. Equalists. 9.0
Action: Action was probably the best part of the fanon, and I particularly remember getting sucked in to a fight scene on the very first chapter, which was instigated by an awesome line which I won't reveal. 9.1
Interest Level: Don't take it personally, but I can't say that I was dying to read each chapter. 8.3
Character Development: John Rider develops nicely, and the situation with Eve and Kyle is nicely done, but readers won't feel for the characters emotionally. 8.7
Believability: Hmmmm I never deduct points for an implausible plot, as the entire premise behind the whole Avatar universe is implausible. However, there were some "Ummm, no" moments that made my unbelievable meter go off. It wasn't too shabby, though. 8.6
General Writing: I highly suggest looking for an editor. Spelling errors were frequent and the writing flow was very choppy at times. Also, I noticed several grammar mistakes and the vocabulary could improve. One way to correct this is by reading over each chapter 2-3 times and edit along the way before publishing. Try to insert more colorful vocabulary and think about the picture your descriptions paint. 7.9
Average Score: 8.6
Note: All Scores Are Out Of Ten
What Jacob13Kyle does right:
I really like the suspense factor in some of the action scenes. There were definitely some thrilling battles.
What Jacob13Kyle could improve on:
Like I said: review, review review! Always go over your chapter a few times before hitting that publish button. Use a thesaurus to improve the vocab, and try to get rid of any repetitiveness. If you used the word "chair" three times in two sentences, try replacing one with "seat" or "sofa."
Who does Jacob13Kyle appeal to? I think a lot of people like the technological advancements in LOK (especially the weapons) and even want more. If you are one of those people, you should like this fanon.