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Fanon Review: Jump by Azulazulazula

Minnichi December 24, 2012 User blog:Minnichi
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Well, my final exams definitely ruined any progress I had on reviews! It's been nearly a month once again since my last fanon blog...bleh. While I'm still traumatized by my tests, however, I was lucky to be able to read a very good fanon to lesson the agony, Jump by Azulazulazula. A great author like him doesn't deserve these delays! Now let's take a look... 
Fanon Jump
Toph Beifong, esteemed Chief of Police, has been framed for murder, but the true murderer framed her well, even getting her arrested. Only one problem: the metalbending Police Chief can and has escaped any trap, but in this case, she had to kill six people to do it, and another seven just to see her best friend Sokka. Now, the prosecution has her charged with fourteen counts of first degree murder, and if anybody catches her, she'll be hanged for sure. She won't let that happen. She has to run, but first, she has to find and talk to her best friend first. And along the way, she'll make some decisions, some crucial decisions. And maybe, just maybe, she can drag her best friend along with her...

What I always admired about this author is his uncanny ability to capture each and every emotion perfectly within his characters. I've seen this kind of quality before in "Rebel," and this fanon is only a step further, if anything. The only thing better than a good drama fanon is a good drama fanon written by Azulazulazula!   

The Scores

  • Plot - 9.0: This kind of plot pulls you in pretty quickly and doesn't let up for a second. I'm loving the intensity that the author kicks in from the very beginning. However, I would advise him to keep a consistent eye on the big picture, especially during the moments he describes things like anguish. While I love every part of the plot so far, I feel like it needs to move forward a little more at times; perhaps a clue about any antagonists would help, or just an idea of what the central conflict will be. The fanon is in its early stages so this isn't anything serious, but it may feel stuck in those stages too long if the author doesn't move on soon. Just some preventative advice, that's all. 
  • Organization - 9.5: Extremely clear and well-paced progression of events. Rushing is not an issue that I'll ever have to get after this author for! He takes all the needed time to describe important details, and I love that. Just a minor deduction here because of what I mentioned earlier, with the very slight drag in the plot and all. It honestly doesn't feel much like a drag because of the intensity, but again we still need some more input on the antagonists and whatnot. Nothing else here! 
  • Creativity – 8.7: How the author's handled the extreme events in his story so far is one of the most creative methods of writing I've ever seen! Unfortunately I do have to deduct, though, because of the focus on canon characters. It's not a bad thing, but no OC's naturally means less creativity for characters. The main issue - which wasn't anything major, again - was really the elements of the plot relating to being framed for murder and the reactions to it. I'm positive that this is only because the fanon is in its early stages, but it still stands for now. Overall very creative, though - no doubt about that! 
  • Writing – 8.9 (x3): To be honest, it was kind of hard to find much to critique here. This author's writing quality has always been top-notch, and I totally saw this reviewing problem coming! Buttt I found one thing: The dialogue could be accompanied a little more by physical description. Seeing as this story is a drama, much of the quality will rely on character interaction, which makes dialogue a huge factor. Though the conversations I've seen are wonderfully crafted, it wouldn't hurt to add more detail on the characters' physical states as they speak. Dialogue just feels complete once you utilize every possible kind of detail, from the tone of voice to the facial expression. The deduction only goes this far since I'm sure readers will be paying lots of attention to those dramatic conversations. But other than, I'm impressed! 
  • Character Development - 8.5 (x2): Again, I'll go ahead and blame this on the fact that the fanon has only released two chapters; it's kind of hard to develop your characters much in that amount of time! Nonetheless, I thought the interaction between Sokka and Katara could've been expanded on a little more. Well - it was already expanded a lot, but I'm referring that that portion near the end where she approves for him to be transferred to another building (which I won't name to avoid spoilers). I'm still a little confused as to how she actually feels about the situation, and I just thought her own personal reflections could use some more attention. Character development is also extremely important in a drama, so fixing up that confusion would also do great for this fanon. But that aside, the emotional description throughout the chapters was just beautiful. I have to give the author credit for that! 
  • Action - Omitted: So far it's pretty early in the fanon, like I said, so no actual fight scenes have been described. However, the hints I've seen clearly indicate that this author will dominate the action section of reviews once his fanon gets that far! Movin' on~ 
  • Believability – 8.7: Perhaps this is my personal opinion, but I always viewed Toph to be someone very strong who wouldn't give up easily. The way she handles her situation is described very well, but I just feel like she could've done more know... (Avoiding spoilers) Sokka's mental state is also believable for the most part, but I would say that he shouldn't lose his grip on things too much. To me, he seems like the kind of guy who, even if traumatized, will seek to bring justice with his smarts. Perhaps all of this is going to happen, but for now that's my take on things. 

Overall Score: 8.84

My advice for Azulazulazula: You've got this whole drama thing in the bag, honestly. But my advice is just covering those last tiny details that will hopefully make the emotional intensity shine at its fullest! Tweak your characters' dialogue here and there, and balance the emotions with the flow of the story anddd you're good. 

Who should read Jump? Anyone who wants to know how to portray an emotion correctly in writing. But readers who don't write will all enjoy this one, too!   

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