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Triple Avatar Review

Millennia2 November 13, 2011 User blog:Millennia2
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Due to my recent inactivity, I’ve chosen to review three shorter stories all on one day. Today, I will be reviewing Avatar:Daughter of Fire, The Last Airbender: The Last Avatars, and Avatar: The Last Black Dude. These fanons are written by Hannah230, RandomPerson...o 0, and Jeff The Hippie, respectively.

First up is The Last Airbender: The Last Avatars.

Avatar line-up


21. They are all that is left after the Avatar Cycle is broken, resulting in 21 spirits being brought to the mortal world once more. And now, being all that is left of their broken world, they’ve fight for supremacy. 15, past Avatars, current and future characters, join together for good. 6 of our well loved villains combine for supremacy. The fight for their empty world has begun.

Script: While from reading you can tell what is going on, it’s incredibly rushed and leaves no room for development, plot points, etc. The best way for me to describe it is as a dot to dot sequence, just going from one thing to another with nothing in between. My advice for the author would be to lengthen your chapters a bit. Add some description, character thoughts, plot points in between the dialogue that currently dominates your chapters. With that said, it is relatively good for such a newer fanon. 8.1/10

Story: I will say that it is quite unique among broken cycle stories. I’m rather curious as to why these 21 ended up as the only ones left on Earth. 9.0/10

Keeps You Reading: Interesting, yes. However, I will also point out that the fanon currently has only two chapters. If I have any advice to Random Person, I would encourage continuing your fanon. That’s the best way to keep readers around is to give them something more. 8.8/10

Character Development/Representation: As I said before, it is incredibly rushed, and it would do well to slow down and include some character depth. While dialogue can say much about a character, I would not advice relying on it to convey all that needs to be said about the characters. 7.8/10

General Writing: Is it good? Yes. Could is there room for improvement? Oh yes. And the best way to get it is with time and practice. My number one piece of advice to Random Person is to keep going. Experience shapes up any story for the better. 8.4/10

Overall: 8.3/10

Next up is Daughter of Fire:

Fire Lord Zuko

Overview: The story is about Zuko's daughter and her life living as a princess in the Fire nation. In the story she will learn and find her self in many ways. You(the reader) will meet some new and old characters. the reason for bring back some old characters is to show you how they have grown up and so forth. I hope you enjoy the story.

Script: Starts off well and is improving with every chapter. 9.1/10

Story: 9.3/10

Keeps You Reading: I had no problem with going on in the story. Hannah seems to have several dedicated fans, and any new reader will hold on for more as the story keeps getting better. 9.2/10

Character Development/Representation: New characters are lovable and easy to imagine. 9.2/10

Action: Just barely starting as of now, but Hannah describes it well. It'll be good to see more. 9.1/10

General Writing: From chapters 1-7, it's quite easy to see a significant improvement in writing quality. The grammar, through the use of editors and practice, is much better. Her script and action is getting better, and just general writing is quite good. I personally like the dedications at the end of each chapter. They add a unique personal touch to the story. 9.3/10

Overall: 9.2/10

Last is The Last Black Dude:


It's a parody of A:TLA. The difference is that Aang, instead of being Asian (or white if your stupid) and very optimistic, he's black and a bit more serious. You know the story; dude stupidly freezes himself in an iceberg, gets broken out, meets two people, saves the world. (Oops, spoiler!)

Script: Well....uh....while I won't be calling Jeff himself a racist, there are certainly parts of the first chapter that are. What was included being cited as "a black thing" or playing into a stereotype can be viewed as offensive to some. 7.8/10

Story: Aside from making Aang black and a few other little tweaks, I don't seem much difference between this and the original series. 8.0/10

Keeps You Reading: 7.9/10

Character Development/Representation: Aang's new doesn't fit. 7.4/10

Action: 8.3/10

General Writing: I will admit that there are a few parts of this story that are genuinely funny. But aside from that, the stereotype that's been played and the near constant reference to Aang's new skin tone proves one thing. This is a parody. Nothing more. 8.4/10

Overall: 7.9/10

Next Review: Writings of Ai

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