Today’s review is, by . Before I start off, I need to announce that I am taking the creativity category out of my reviews. Anyway, onto the review!
This story begins in 0 AG. It is about a boy named Mako taken from his homeland, the Fire Nation, by his brother, Lee. Lee believes that something horrible will soon occur, and by the hand of his own country. More and more colonies have been introduced to the Earth Kingdom, and Lee's father has told him that their nation will be making a devastating blow to the world sometime in autumn. His father neglected to say what that blow would be, but Lee could tell that all it would cause was destruction. Mako thinks that whatever the Fire Nation is up to, the only reason they're doing it is to "extend their good fortune to the world." For that reason, Lee kidnapped his brother to keep him away from Fire Lord propaganda, and to teach him the horrible effects of tyranny, violence, and possibly war.
Script: The two children’s inner thoughts are well done. They really provide a look into what it would have been like to be a Fire Nation kid back then. I see a little room for improvement, keep it up Krazykid 8.7/10
Story: An older brother looking out for his brother by kidnapping him from the Fire Nation at the onset of a supremacy war? Can’t say I’ve heard that before. The story is rich in originality and creativity. Well done. 9.3/10
Keeps You Reading: Honestly, I had a very hard time when it came to continuing the story. The beginning, while setting you up with an interesting premise, tends to drawl a bit, and I was lost a lot while reading. I would suggest that if you want to have dedicated readers, you need to give them a reason to keep coming back. Look for a way to do that, or to improve it if you believe it’s fine, and you’ll have loyal readers. 7.9/10
Character Development: I love delving into Mako’s thoughts. He is so dedicated to the welfare of his brother and the effect that the Fire Nation propoganda could have on him. It’s quite hard not to connect with his viewpoint. 9.1/10
General Writing: Good for a beginner fanon. Like I said in Keeps you Reading, it tends to drawl a bit in the beginning, but that may only be my personal opinion, and not that of the general reader. The thought sequences are well done, and you are very good at describing things accurately and precisely. If I were to give some suggestion, I would say to always be looking for ways to better your story. Your readers can help too; ask them for suggestions, areas that could be improved etc. I’ll be checking back on this later, I hope to have a little better opinion towards it. But otherwise, you are a quite excellent author. Good job. 9.3/10