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Fanon review: Avatar: Shattered Balance by Kamigati

MibuWolf November 26, 2012 User blog:MibuWolf

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

MibuWolf here~

Today, I'm reviewing Avatar: Shattered Balance by Kamigati. This takes place a long while after the war, in a totally new but not much more developed Avatar society. With Samurai. Do you hear that? Yeah? That's the sound of my inner Shounen fangirl flipping out.

Writing Categories

  • Mistakes/Grammar: 7.4 Murrrrr... Largely, the grammar was solid with a few excessive commas. But Kamigati made effective use of my ultimate pet peeve. One of my ultimate pet peeves. Excessive all caps mixed. It's okay every now and again, but in excess it's just kind of irksome in writing. All caps sounds like you're shouting, and sometimes Kamigati just wanted to put an emphasis on something, so he put it in all caps. It just felt like the characters were constantly screaming at each other, even if they weren't. This just makes my skin crawl. I know it's not supposed to be like that, but my inner voice just KEEPS reading it like it's shouting.
  • General Writing: 8.3 I very much enjoyed a lot of the writing, but I just felt like it didn't really ever have a voice. It was just kind of talking instead of really being unique writing to the author. I'm not criticizing of course--often times this can be very good in getting a story across--I just would have liked more emotion and soul in the writing, like in asides or vocabulary choice or things like that.

Writing Score: 7.9... C+

Content Categories

  • Story: 8.0 I love the originality of the story, but I would have liked more in-context explanation of everything. It's such an original Avatar world, and I never really felt involved in it. I mean, there's a big mountain of text on the front of the page, but I feel like that information should be supplementary to the text rather than necessary for understanding it. So I just got lost on occasion.
  • Characters/Character Development: 7.8 I like Shounens--those animes made for twelve year-old boys--so I like the Shounen style character group. But it's not really great characters or character development. It seems like there was so much that could be done to these characters, but instead they just kind of were built and then given lines that I thought didn't really fit. The potential is nice, the writing just never really got it to the max.
  • Genre (Adventure): 9.0 I rather liked the adventure element of the story--it was my favorite of the listed genres. Kamigati does an excellent job of bringing us on this journey with the characters, and I like it when a writer does that. Why the deduction? Mostly because of above listed things kind of dripping into this category, like a lack of development, story, writing issues, et cetera et cetera.

Content Score: 8.3... B-

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity: 8.2 I absolutely love the samurai stuff. But... Japanese themes... are becoming... overused... majorly. It pains me, but my pride as a Quincy wouldn't allow me to give this a higher score. Excuse me if I'm making generalizations, but a lot of people around here watch anime, then try and replicate it in their writing, and even if they do study it a bit, it's just not so creative. Add that to the kind of cookie-cutter not super-duper creative characters and the fanon gets a lower creativity score. But I love how much time has gone in to the development of the universe, and the elaborate-ness pulls up the score.
  • Believability: 7.5 Okay. Wait. Technology devolved from the world of LoK? I just don't get how the world got to where it is in the fanon.

Content Quality Score: 7.9... C+

Overall Score: 8.0... B-

My advice for Kamigati: More development in the story and less all caps. Also, when you're writing, I find it's helpful to kind of channel your inner thoughts and feelings into the writing. It may sound obvious, but if you pick words that reflect how your feeling, it'll sound better. Following that nebulous advice, I'd like to give you a piece of more straight-forward wisdom: develop more. Do twice as much character and plot development as you think you need.

What sort of person would enjoy Shattered Balance? Anyone looking for a good read about another Avatar in a different sort of verse--this one's a keeper.

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