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Fanon Review: The Tour by Lovebender110

MibuWolf August 29, 2012 User blog:MibuWolf

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

A half-sane MibuWolf here with a super late review. Not only have I fallen off the horse in being on-time, but now my foot is caught on the saddle and I'm being dragged face-down through the dirt. Fun!

Today, or rather four days ago, I have the pleasure of reviewing The Tour by Lovebender110. The story is told in a mostly third-person limited perspective following Katara in an "episode" between Boiling Rock P.2 and the Southern Raiders.

Writing Categories

  • Mistakes/Grammar: 10.0 I didn't see any *shrugs*
  • General Writing: 9.1 The writing was good--however, particularly in the first two chapters, but throught all four chapters, there were some awkward transitions between thoughts and actions, and I had to go back and re-read some passages to understand what exactly the switch to thoughts meant. They weren't grammatically incorrect, they were just kind of awkwardly placed and worded, almost. Then, there were some conversations with descriptions that just didn't really speak to me--kind of bland and predictable, almost. Between these two things that kind of put me off, I couldn't give it a very high score. But there were some very artistical descriptions here and there that really stood out and pulled the writing into the nines, as far as scoring goes.

Writing Score: 9.6... A

Content Categories

  • Story: 9.4 I... don't really like Katara. For this reason, the story was hard for me to really get into. Especially since it was told from her perspective. I found that the third person limited perspective kind of detracted here. By the way, if you don't know what third person limited in, it's basically when you have one character whose thoughts you delve into and several whose thoughts you do not, like Harry Potter. Anyway, going back to the fanon, though I didn't like the perspective, I couldn't think of any other way that it would be written. Save for that, which is more of a personal preference than anything else, the story was very good.
  • Characters/Character Development: 9.6? This one was hard with this fanon. There aren't any OCs, so it's hard for me to gauge character creation and things like that. If I were to judge characters, I would tap into the initial Mary-Sueness of the original Avatar Series, but I'm going to skip past them. However, I give Lovebender's character development an A+! And that's why it's a question-mark score.
  • Genre (Adventure): 7.2 It didn't feel really adventury to me. I would have put "Friendship" as the only genre, because while they did do some travelling around, it never really felt adventurous. I think this is more of a hiccup in listing the genre, though--I always assume that the first genre is the more prevalent in the author's eyes, so it's the one I review.

Content Score: 8.7... B+

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity: 8.2 There seem to be a lot of fanons that take place in between events, so for that reason it's not super creative. Further, character development between episodes seems rather obvious--for lack of a better word--as well, since most older viewers can watch the series and realize that there are a lot of gaps in how the relationships develop.
  • Believability: 10.0 Yeah... I think this could totally have happened.

Content Quality Score: 9.1... A-

Overall Score: 9.1... A-

My advice for Lovebender: Well, honestly since this fanon's finished there's not much I can say. On a note of that, for future reference Lovebender, according to the FRS rules, you can't submit a completed fanon for review. I figured since I was already late on your review, thought, I'd limit my jerkishness and not tell you that I couldn't review your fanon. "Hey! I know I'm four days late on your review, but I can't review it." See how jerkish that sounds? Anyway, since there's not much to say, I'm going to ramble a bit on third-person limited because I think that's the cause for my biggest problem with the writing.

Now then, third-person limited is both a blessing and a curse. When you're using a pre-made character like Katara, it's a bit easier. But you have to know your character like the back of your hand. I sometimes think even more so than in first person. It's very easy to fall into bad writing when you try to get into your character's head while also trying to describe the actions as an on-looker; the bad writing mostly stems from, as I stated in my review of the writing, sketchy jumps between thoughts and actions. My tip for in the future, if you choose to use this technique with an original character, is to make sure that you know every little thing about your character: how they see themselves, how others see them, etc. Because in third person limited, you have to not only go into how your character thinks, but also how an outsider would view your character. My writing tip for the future is to re-read or have a beta-reader so you can get an idea as to what the jumps between thought and action sound like to someone who isn't in your head.

What sort of person would enjoy The Tour? Everyone. It's short enough, just read it. It fills the gap between episodes very nicely.

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