MibuWolf signing on about two hours before the first DLC for Skyrim is released. Today, I'll be reviewing a one-shot about Amon, and let me just start out by saying that I LOVE AMON. What a biscotti.* Ahem.
The Search For Amon's Identity by Agent Slash follows the Krew as they go through a whimsical adventure in an attempt to discover Amon's identity. Thank you, Slash, because now the Secret Tunnel song is stuck in my head, rather than "Call Me Maybe".
- Mistakes/Grammar: 8.5 The use of semi-colons were a bit... sketch.** About 75% of the time, you used them correctly, however a couple of times they were used incorrectly. Semi-colons are used to divide two complete sentences about the same idea. I can't come up with a good example off my head, but as a general statement, a semi-colon can be replaced with a period and still be two grammatically correct sentences. Once or twice I believe one of the sections was a fragment. Further, sometimes a semi-colon can be replaced with a dash "--" which I think is quite under-used. Parts of a sentence that are related, but a different sort of type, can usually be divided with a dash. I try to mix-up using dashes and semi-colons--since you're not writing professionally (I assume?) you can probably get away with using them interchangeably and sound a bit... fancier.
- General Writing: 8.0 I gave the writing a bit higher of a score than my gut told me, because I think you're trying to pastiche a writing style? The sort of simple, almost childish sentences many authors use when writing a whimsical comedy such as this: repetitive sentences structure, starting most sentences with subjects, et cetera.
Writing Score: 8.3... B
- Story: 6.0 I know it's a one-shot, but everything happens really fast. It seems really rushed. Nothing major seems to happen, other than them wandering around, and the plot is just really... static. If I were writing, I would have expanded this to be about twice as long. It has potential as an idea, but I don't think any work of this length could really fulfill that potential. Also, I must give Slash some credit here: this is a one-shot, and if he had expanded this idea more, it probably would have earned a higher score. It was just all too... rushed.
- Characters/Character Development: 4.8 Character development was... nonexistent. The characters were all from the show, and even so they were not developed uniquely to the story, save a few alterations on occasion, however for the most part it seemed as if the alterations were to fit the story rather than the character, meaning some lines said by characters seemed out-of-place.
- Genre (Comedy): 7.5 Comedy is really, really hard to grade. This is completely an opinion, because I don't know of a way to analytically assess comedy. I never really laughed out loud at any of it, but there were a handful of lines that made me smile.
Content Score: 6.1... D-
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 6.6 As Slash says, it's just an expansion of those common Amon theories. Now, of course, we know who he is. It is a slightly humorous recollection of those good ol'*** debates from way back when, but it's still just using all of those crazy theories (most of which said by one character), smashing them together, throwing in a couple of events in between, and calling it good. Like I said, nothing really happens.
- Believability: 6.0 As mentioned above, some of the lines characters said really did not fit their personality. This one is hard, too, because this just wouldn't happen.
Content Quality Score: 6.3... D
Overall Score: 6.9... D+
My Advice for Agent Slash: Jut the bit of writing advice mentioned in the writing section. But my honest advice? Don't submit a comedy one-shot for reviewing. I really don't want to sound blunt or mean, so please do not interpret my advice as such. This is fairly humorous, but for the most part, I see reviews as being intended for more developed stories than a quick one-shot. At least with my review structure. Sometimes, a one-shot can fit this criteria, but rarely a comedy one. Especially one of this length. It's good for a quick read and quick smile, but it's not really great. Once again, please don't think I'm being mean. I intend no offense. I actually rather liked your story, it just wasn't as well developed as it could have been.
What sort of person would enjoy The Search for Amon's Identity? Just about anyone who is looking for a quick read. Most of us watch Korra, and most would probably get a chuckle out of this; it's not a major time investment.
*Spoiler: who got blowed up. Maybe he really has lost his face now, hurhur.
**Sometimes I say words that no one understands. Sketch as defined by Urban Dictionary: a situation, place, or person that posesses qualities that are ominous, scary, shady, out of the ordinary and or suspicious. Used here to just describe shakiness.
***Theeeeyy weren't good ol' times -_-