signing on after making the upsetting realization a few days ago that I need to get 126% on my AP Chem final to get an A T^T (why I didn't get this done sooner)
Today, I'm reviewingby , which follows the story of the Gaang after the war searching for some special scrolls, as well as several other subplots.
- Mistakes/Grammar: 7.8 There were some mildly confusing sentences which I assume are caused by typos, as well as some overly-wordiness that made the grammar used in correct. However, aside from this the grammar was pretty accurate.
- General Writing: 6.0 I don't particularly like onomatopoeias, and there were quite a few used rather excessively. Aside from that, I felt like the text was largely just dialogue, with rather dry descriptions of action. I always understood what was going on, and I will give RotB credit for seeming to mix up his sentences by adding commas, moving parts of speech, et cetera. However, I felt that the mixing up was rather predictable, as if he used one sentence structure he would almost always change it in the next sentence or the one after to create a cycle of sorts that almost disregarded the fact that he was indeed changing how the sentences were constructed. I felt that this created a lull of sorts, and paired with the excessive onomatopeias the writing seemed to just kind of chug along without really going anywhere.
Writing Score: 6.9... D+
- Story: 7.0 I felt like the story of "Lost Scrolls" was kind of like a blunderbuss: it seemed to just kind of fire out in the open without too much real centralized focus, which made it a bit difficult to follow at times. However, I largely do like the idea of the questing to find the lost scrolls, and I think this fanon fits into the adventure genre quite well.
- Characters/Character Development: 6.7 There are a lot of characters. RotB has the Gaang, some bounty hunters, some others, the Peacekeepers, Rebels, Spirits, and then even more other characters. I felt like for all the different characters, there's no way he could have developed them all in how short his fanon is at the moment. In short, I just felt there wasn't enough real development to the characters.
- Genre (Adventure): 7.9 I really enjoyed the adventure of this fanon, however I was slightly confused by how quickly they all seemed to move around and I never particularly got a clear picture of where they were going or how they got from point A to point B, and things like that.
Content Score: 7.2... C-
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 6.9 Azula breaking out of prison in an after-the-war fanon + energybending (even if it is an antagonist) is not particularly the most creative... However, I've never seen a concept like the lost scrolls before, and for that reason I rather enjoyed the idea and originality of the fanon.
- Believability: 6.4 There was some really stuffy dialogue that just didn't seem to click with some of the characters. It seemed like sometimes characters were assigned dialogue for the sake of someone saying it, not because it particularly fit the character's personality. Further, I couldn't quite get a clear idea for the timeline of the traveling, but from what I could tell it seemed like the characters moved from one point to another just a bit too quickly to be realistic.
Content Quality Score: 6.7... D+
Overall Score: 6.9... D+
My Advice for RuleroftheBisons: My biggest advice is to fix the focus of the fanon. I feel like a lot of my issues in believability and character development will be fixed along with the story if you find a clear path to follow. I just felt like there was too much going on at any one time. Since your chapters aren't very long, jumping around between too many plots just gets confusing. I would recommend that you try and stick to one or two of the three or four major plots to try and iron out some inconsistencies in character development and the like, as well as give your fanon a more clear path. Going with my blunderbuss metaphor, you're firing off a lot of shots with your current plot--like a blunderbuss--but I think it would most help you to try and be more like a sniper rifle. Does that make any sense? Then just kind of take some of the writing things I pointed out and I think this'll be quite a fanon to watch!
What sort of person would enjoy The Lost Scrolls? Those who like after-the-war fanons should definitely check this one out: I'd put this one in at least my top ten after-the-war fanons, which is saying a lot with how many there are.