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Fanon Review: The Lost Air Temple by kuzonkid7

MibuWolf December 11, 2012 User blog:MibuWolf
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

MibuWolf signing on today. I would have gotten this review sooner, but last week was hectic, to say the least. Not a single night where I got more than four hours of sleep :( But now I'm well-rested and re-organized!

Today, I'm reviewing The Lost Air Temple by kuzonkid7. The story follows the adventures of an Avatar before Aang named Gatton in his adventures and quest. Per the author's request, I am mostly focusing on Book Two.

Writing Categories

  • Mistakes/Grammar: 5.9 I find it rather interesting that the fanons with the most editors seem to have the most mistakes. It seems rather counter-intuitive, wouldn't you say? Yet somehow typos like "mourning" instead of "morning" and other foolish mistakes would seep through where in fanons with one or no editors, the only real mistakes are clear misconceptions regarding grammar. This inspired me to find logic in a lack thereof, and I reached a conclusion. With no editor, the author re-reads his work very closely, or typos slower, so that there are no mistakes. With one editor, that editor reads very closely for mistakes, but in fanons with longer chapters a few seep through, but regardless there are less to none. Once you get to two plus editors, they start to get lazy. They figure that another will catch the mistakes, and thus they do not read as closely. But they all figure this, and thus tons of mistakes are there which really shouldn't be there. And... that's all I have to say. Interpret it as you will, editors out there, but that's what I have determined :/
  • General Writing: 6.2 Overall, the writing didn't really speak to me. Of course, Kuzonkid's review also falls while I'm reading the wonderful rhetoric of Dante Alighieri on the side, so I'm not sure whether this is my misconceptions or not. However, I felt that for the most part the writing was pretty straight forward event-to-event with no real juicy substance. The sentences were fairly plain, and at times the flow got kind of choppy and confusing. There was a lot of dialogue that I did not particularly enjoy, as well as an abundance of awkward tense shifts that I couldn't tell whether they were mistakes or part of the writing style, but it made it a bit hard to read at times. However, generally if I re-read a passage or read it aloud, I could get the gist of it. So I do give kuzonkid points for getting his message across. Also, I rather enjoyed the shorter sentences in some spots for building tension a bit.

Writing Score: 6.1... D-

Content Categories

  • Story: 6.5 I absolutely adore kuzonkid for putting the "previously on" section at the top. It helped me to follow the plot much easier, and though the writing confused me, the little blurb at the top helped me make sense of what I had just read. With those little paragraphs, I believe the plot was rather interesting. However, not so intriguing that I went back to decipher the text. Kind of like an interesting story in the newspaper rather than an interesting story or novel. Of course, this greatly reduces my overall viewing pleasure derived, but I still think it was an interesting plot underneath the jarbbled writing.
  • Characters/Character Development: 6.0 There was no real character development that I could see, and I never really felt attached to any of the characters, and they all felt rather cookie-cutter, just generally leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Don't think I'm being mean, of course, they just didn't really speak to me personally, maybe in part by how confused and distracted I was by the writing.
  • Genre (Adventure): 7.3 I could tell that they were travelling around a lot, and this I like in an adventure. The multiple conjoining stories was nice as well, with all the different characters doing their things. However, as above mentioned, were I not saved by the story descriptions, I would have been immensely confused by what was going on...

Content Score: 6.6... D

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity: 5.7 I'd say it's creative for the fire sage thing, but I've also kind of seen fanons surrounding the "unnamed fire avatar" (as the wiki calls him) before...
  • Believability: 6.0 Largely believable in what was happening, but some of the dialogue was tense.

Content Quality Score: 5.9... F

Overall Score: 6.2... D-

My advice for kuzonkid: I do not recall whether I've said this before, but the average reader is very lazy. The average reader isn't going to work to understand something, he's going to stop reading as soon as he can't understand what the writer is trying to say. What I'm trying to say is that, to maximize readers, you should try and figure out how to make your writing a bit less confusing. My recommended course of action is as follows: 1) kick your editors in the pants and tell them to read more closely for grammar mistakes and stupid typos, 2) re-read what you write aloud before posting it for your editors--I can guarantee that this will eliminate at least half of the awkwardness, and finally 3) practice writing short stories and stuff and get as much honest feedback as possible. Honestly, I wouldn't call myself a genius by any means, nor would I even look at myself in comparison to any writer I admire, but the only reason I'm not as terrible as I should be is because I've been practicing every day since I was in first grade. In any situation, practice doesn't make perfect: it just makes a heck of a lot better.

Don't let this score get your spirits down, though. This might not be super comforting, but you have improved a lot. I was impressed with how much improvement you made between books: you really seemed to take a lot of the feedback you were previously given into account, and I could see how much it made your writing better. I immensely look forward to continuing to see you improve and mature as a writer. My biggest hope with any of these reviews is that people actually listen to what I have to say and take my advice into account and then become my perfect little writing minions, but I'm sure that lots of people just write me off. What I'm trying to say is that you seem to take a lot of advice to mind, and it makes me even more impressed.

Whether you listen to me or not, I want you to leave with this: you're an improving writer; more practice will make you an even better writer--don't let this feedback get you down, you're still moving on up ^^

What sort of person would enjoy The Lost Air Temple? Anyone looking for a fanon following an Avatar before Aang, particularly anyone interested in more about the Fire Sages, methinks, or other mystery-ish stuff~

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