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here. I like sleep.
Today, I'm reviewingby . You have one guess as to what it's about. If you guessed "Kyoshi", then you're wrong. Just kidding, you're right.
- Mistakes/Grammar: 6.6 For the most part, the grammar was very good. However, I couldn't help but notice the awkward punctuation errors and runons and such.
- General Writing: 7.0 I don't know how else to put this, but China called and they want their wall back. I think I'd put this in general writing: the paragraphs are not very well divided. There are some really short paragraphs, and then the next one takes up my whole screen. It makes it very daunting and difficult to read, which is not the best. Other than that, most of the sentences just weren't my taste. Kind of falling back into my pet peeve of sentences beginning with subjects being overused.
Writing Score: 6.8... D+
- Story: 8.8 For how flusterated (frustrated + flustered) the writing made me, I actually thought the story was really engaging. There were a few holes here and there which I fell to and had to dig my way out of, meaning I got a bit confused, but I'd attribute that more to my short attention span and the paragraph organization than the actual story.
- Characters/Character Development: 8.6 The characters seemed a bit run-of-the-mill, like none of them really seemed spectacularly deep, but at the same time it suits the fanon well. The kind of minor Mary-Sue-ness of the characters really actually gave a nice point of comparison with made the story more easy to relate to and overall helped more than it hurt, in my opinion.
- Genre (Adventure): 9.3 Too often people list adventure as the genre for a series where the characters really just kind of remain stoic and drama-y, but I actually think Kyoshidude does a marvelous job of really making this an adventure.
Content Score: 8.9... B+
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 7.8 Well, the idea of following the life of Kyoshi isn't super original, and Kyoshidude never seems to do anything especially interesting to pull it out of what is rather predictable and/or stereotypical.
- Believability: 8.0 I couldn't really see any of this happening. It just seems kind of... murr.
Content Quality Score: 7.9... C+
Overall Score: 7.9... C+
My advice for Kyoshidude: Well, firstly the paragraphs. I don't know how to say this in a way that sounds fancy, but just find a place or way to separate your paragraph. Or maybe just put them in the standard wiki font. Other than the generic beginnings of sentences (Kyoshi blahblahblah. She blahblahblah. So-and-so blahblahblah, you get the idea) the readability was the biggest problem in the writing.
Other than that, I just want to say this: surprise me. Do something really outrageous that isn't kind of generic with the story. Something really creative. And message me, unless you don't want to, of course. I just think this has a lot of potential and shouldn't fall so short in the creativeness category.
What sort of person would enjoy The Kyoshi Chronicles? Anyone looking for a good fanon following another avatar, or any Kyoshi fan in particular. Or any adventure fan might get a kick out of this.