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MibuWolf signing on here on what is still June 20th for me. Today, I was privileged enough to read a fanon that made me laugh, talk to myself, and really, really upset in chapter fourteen*.
by follows the romantic relationship between that Dai Li brainwasher who we never really thought about and his childhood friend.
- Mistakes/Grammar: 10.0 I did not catch any mistakes. Nicely done in the editing department, and Minnichi clearly has a good understanding of grammar.
- General Writing: 9.3 The writing is masterful, but... there is a slight recurring "the" at the beginning of sentences and paragraphs. "The" is very deadly--used in excess is can cause the writing to sound way more repetitive than it actually is. Everything else in the writing is wonderful: the reader can always tell exactly is going on, and though it is primarily a romance, the action is better written than many action-based fan fictions I have read. Kudos.
Writing Score: 9.7... A+
- Story: 9.4 The story has a nice driving force behind it, always moving forward even in the drama scenes. At times, the story was rather predictable, however I have a feeling that things are going to start changing.
- Characters/Character Development: 9.0 The character development is genius. Even the lesser characters have a decent amount of characterization. Overall, a very solid character base. My only gripe is that at times, some of the characters (Yuhan and Hiroshu in particular) seem a bit cookie-cutter, as in rather... stereotypical and/or Mary-Sue**.
- Genre (Romance): 9.3 The romance is, like the story, pretty predictable, at least in the beginning. From the first time the two main characters interacted, I could see where their relationship would lead them. The paradise cycle*** is often used intentionally and unintentionally, I whichever may be the case here, I think I have a good idea what will happen. At least, it has worked thus far in the relationship. We shall see...
Content Score: 9.2... A-
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 9.3 Thus far, I haven't seen a series with this in-depth of characterization of the Dai Li. However... it's difficult to have an angst**** that is not cheesy. I feel the need to quote one of Minnichi's characters here: it's "like...one of those cheesy stories my mom used to read to me." However, as of the last chapter it seems things are turning around.
- Believability: 8.4 As far as believability goes, coincidences are generally frowned upon. At least as I was reading, I found it very... convenient that the two main characters happened to know each other as children and not run into each other again until the events of the series. Other than that, there were a couple of small details that I had issues with--for example, I don't know many drunks who would terrorize a tea shop.
Content Quality Score: 8.9... B+
Overall Score: 9.3... A
My Advice for Minnichi: As I mentioned, there's the "the" problem. Here, I have the same advice as for Mage, that I think you saw. Try not to start too many sentences of one paragraph with the same word. However, I don't know if I mentioned this on Mage's review, but for you it might also be wise to watch paragraph beginnings. "The" seemed to recur at the beginning of paragraphs. My advice for this is--if you're writing on Word or some other similar program--try not to start two paragraphs on the same page with the same word. If you're not on Word or another Word Processing program, try and keep them a reasonable space apart. I don't have much other advice, except be adventurous with your characters--you're a good enough writer that if you take a chance, your characters won't be stereotypes anymore.
What sort of person would enjoy Silent Hero in Emerald? People who like romances, the Dai Li, or anything in between. The main relationship is a romance, but I wouldn't let the deter you too much if you dislike romances--there is a decent amount of Dai Li Earthbending action thrown into the mix.
*I forgot that I can use footnotes to explain thoughts I have! First thought: if nothing else, read it so that you can understand why emotions things in the last chapter.
**A lot of people don't know what a Mary-Sue is, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to explain. A "Mary-Sue" is kind of like the "perfect" character, or one that's really stereotypical and pretty easy to write for, such as Harry Potter. It's not an insult, but they do slip into almost everyone's writing...
***Paradise Cycle is something else that some people don't know about, thought I'd bring up good ol' English class now that I'm off school. Referencing the Bible as literature, it's the cycle that Adam and Eve take, that recurs throughout literature: paradise, loss of paradise, seeking paradise, new paradise. A character can never return to their original paradise, but they usually end up finding a new paradise.
****Angst is apparently a genre now?