finally sucked (originally had a rhyme beginning with the letter F here, but I'm trying to keep it G-rated) it up and told myself to sit down and get this review done, and just catch up. My horoscope told me to think about what my grandparents would do when I make goals for myself. Well, I don't think any of my grandparents would be writing fanfiction reviews, but that's beside the point.
Over the course of almost two weeks, I had the pleasure of readingby , a fanon for whose author I have given advice. Korra and her friends are going on a new adventure with new villains after the events of the first book had ended!
- Mistakes/Grammar: 6.5 One thing I want to mention, and this what I'd call "Avatarverse grammar" is just that any form of "benders" are one word, i.e. "earthbender" rather than "earth bender". Other than that, there were some sentences that just left me kind of feeling sketched out... I couldn't tell whether they were grammatically run-ons or fragments, per say, or whether they were just awkward. Sometimes it's rather difficult for me to bar the line between awkward writing and grammar mistakes. However, there were a handful of grammar mistakes, mostly pertaining to dialogue, that I shall mention below.
- General Writing: 6.0 I found that the writing in this fanon was rather dialogue heavy, and what descriptions there were sounded extremely awkward. I'd mostly attribute this to awkward shifts from stuffy, formal language to more colloquial language, and I found it hard to discern any real voice from this. Sentence structures were rather repetitive, and overall I wouldn't particularly read this fanon for the writing.
Writing Score: 6.3... D-
- Story: 8.0 For the confusingness (which is a word [no, it's not] despite what my computer is telling me) of the writing, the story was incredibly easy to follow and rather engaging. I never once found myself lost in what was going on, which often happens when reading even the best of writing. Since I could understand all of what was happening, I found myself rather curious about what would happen next. But... the plot was still pretty linear, and there never really was a surprising plot twist once I got into reading it.
- Characters/Character Development: 6.7 For the most part, the characters were just taken from the series, with a few original characters, mostly antagonists. I wasn't super in love with Katorra's character development with the characters from the show, but it's pretty hard to write realistically for a situation when you haven't come up with the characters on your own.
- Genre (Action): 6.5 The action was... meh. It's difficult to judge this category, because so much of good action writing stems off of good writing, and thus if the writing is too simplistic, the quality of the action writing I've found will also be diminished.
Content Score: 7.1... C-
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 5.8 I wanted to give this one a higher score, but I just couldn't. In my personal opinion, it is virtually impossible to write a creative fanon with so many pre-existing characters. They either end up sounding too much like something else, or they just end up being too generic or stereotypical. As mentioned in the story section, I could often predict what would happen next, and honestly when I'm in school-mode, I'm about as creative as a brick.
- Believability: 7.4 Again, this one was a bit tough for me. I can kinda see this happening if it weren't so generic, but... wasn't Yakone the leader of the Red Monsoons? I didn't catch any note of this, and I don't know if you wrote it before that was revealed, but that kinda hurt the canoncicity (again, this is a word [no it's not]).
Content Quality Score: 6.6... D
Overall Score: 6.7... D+
My Advice for Katorra12: Gurrl (I hope you're a girl, but I don't feel like using a gender neutral pronoun in case you're not) you can really get those chapters out. It felt like not too long ago that I was giving you the advice on the first two or three chapters. Anyway, I have to say there was a vast amount of improvement from the first time I read your fanon. I know it might be hard getting a review with these numbers, but honestly I was really happy with the improvement I saw. I have a quick and dirty grammar comment on dialogue: when you want to kind of "continue" the sentence with the description after the dialogue, you end it with a comma. For example: "'I really like your new shoes,' she said with a smirk, as she knew this was a lie." Or, if you want to have a little break in the middle of dialogue, you'd begin and end with a comma. Like so: "'I really love your hair,' she said with a smirk, as she knew this was a lie, 'and your shoes.'" For the most part, you will have some sort of punctuation at the end of the dialogue, like a comma or period. Unless you're quoting something or someone that is not being used in dialogue, like if you were saying: "even though I never listened, my mom told me to 'always wash behind your ears' before I'd take a bath". Watch out for sentence fragments, which I believe I've mentioned to you before.
As far as writing goes, I don't have too much to say. Maybe more OCs? I feel like if you took the reins a bit with developing characters, they would all end up seeming a lot deeper and more involved, almost. Other than that, just keep up the good work, keep improving, and keep writing! You're doing great.
What sort of person would enjoy LoKS2:JtR? Well, other than people who like cool abbreviations for fanons (I don't know if you actually use that), anyone looking for a continuation of the Korra universe in a very accessible, while still good, fanon.