signing on to review a fanon that reminds me of health class Freshman year -cough-
by is a fanon following a troubled relationship between two old friends...
- Mistakes/Grammar: 8.8 I noticed a fair amount of comma splicing, which is where two complete sentences are separated by a comma. However, aside from this there weren't any majorly jarring grammatical or otherwise mistakes.
- General Writing: 8.5 For how emotional of an idea this is, I never really got the full "wow" that a plot as deep as this deserves. I could tell Fruipit was putting effort into doing so, but I just never really felt moved by the descriptions, which is integral in such a short piece.
Writing Score: 8.7... B+
- Story: 8.2 The story was wonderful. My only complaint is that things seemed to move a bit too fast. This is a story about emotions, and I think that it should take a little bit more time to make the reader really feel a lot more.
- Characters/Character Development: 8.7 For what I thought this fanon lacked in other development, I thought the characters were rather well done. It was only Toph and Aang, but I really got a new grasp of them as characters. The only reason I really docked points was because the introduction with the new characters seemed rather random since they weren't mentioned at all. The characters mentioned were never really developed, and I honestly saw no real strengthening in their mention at all.
- Genre (Hurt/Comfort): 8.4 In this category, I had many of the same complaints as in the story and writing: it just seemed to rush a bit and with the writing I never really felt like I was becoming attached to what was going on. Overall, I think this fanon could have taken a bit more time to say what it was saying.
Content Score: 8.4... B
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 7.6 I can't lie: the idea of putting such a strong character as Toph in a weaker position is not entirely creative, furthermore this is something that canonically did happen, and I have seen this delved into before. I didn't feel like Fruipit's fanon especially said anything different than what I've seen before in other similar writings.
- Believability: 8.3 The events seem logical and believable, however as I mentioned the plot did rush a bit, which pulled down the overall believability of what was happening.
Content Quality Score: 8.0... B-
Overall Score: 8.4... B
My advice for Fruipit: Take your time. With an idea like this, it is all too easy to get overly eager. I felt like this could have been a very good fanon if you had just taken a moment to stop and think. It is my personal belief that one-shots or short stories should take as long as about five chapters of a novel-length work; you don't have as many words to say what you want to say, so every single one needs to be carefully calculated and edited to make it really good. Keep writing, but don't rush each individual work.
What sort of person would enjoy Landslide? Anyone who enjoys reading emotional stories about the Gaang, or emotional stories in general.