is back for another review.
Today, I'll be reviewingby . First, I'd like to start off by saying OMG MRtG I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE YOU LEFT THE FRS HOW ARE YOU DOING BOI? Besides that, "Jump" is the emotional story of friendship and love and mystery between two characters we know and love.
- Mistakes/Grammar: 9.2 Here's the thing: there aren't any unintentional grammar mistakes or typos, at least as far as I can see. The writing style is really realistic for how most people think, but unfortunately most people don't have all their everyday thoughts in perfect grammar. C'est la vie.
- General Writing: 9.4 I think that the first person writing is a very good way to go with this fanon. Obviously it wouldn't be quite as touching if it were written in third person due to the detachment from being directly connected to being observing from the outside. I'm not a fan of first person myself, but Azulazulazula avoids my biggest problem with first person narratives: he doesn't fall into writing in past tense. The whole purpose of writing in first person is to connect the reader to the protagonist, but when you shift from current, action vocab into passive writing, it weakens this connection. But Azulazulazula avoided this well.
Writing Score: 9.3... A-
- Story: 9.5 What I really like about this is how much detail Azulazulazula goes into. Most of the time, with future fanons set in the canonical world, writers seem to leave as many precise details out for fear of breaking the canon, but Azulazulazula just goes all out and has about half of his first chapter devoted to creating this elaborate setting for the story. As it continues, it just continues to get more and more interesting. My only complaint is that with the paragraph structure (kinda with writing I guess), most were of uniform or similar lengths and this made it a bit dragging at times in the middles of chapters.
- Characters/Character Development: 9.4 Azulazulazula's development of Sokka and Toph are wonderful, particularly Sokka. But so far I don't really think he's doing the other characters too much justice. Might just be me, I guess.
- Genre (Drama): 9.3 The drama is very good, but like I said with the story it feels kinda dragging at some points. I feel like a good drama is emotional and not super action filled, but at the same time also so intriguing that it can hold a reader's attention all the time no matter how "little" (air quotes) is happening.
Content Score: 9.4... A
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 9.8 I cannot say I've ever seen a premise like this before. Sure, there's a lot of Tokka shipping out there, but this one really digs beneath the Tokka, and almost completely blows up the ship without actually blowing up the ship, if that makes sense. I adore how creative this fanon is.
- Believability: 6.2 Sorry, mate. I can hardly see any of this happening. Since this is technically in the canonical universe, I have to judge the believability based on known facts regarding the canon. Ahem, firstly I would like to begin by saying that Zuko is not that big of an a**. Secondly, it seems highly unrealistic to me that Toph would be accused of a crime, no matter how expertly she had been framed. Next, it sounds to me more like she'd be accused of one count of first degree murder and thirteen of second degree murder if she were accused. Then, I feel like Toph would be able to find a way out of a situation without killing anyone, because she's just that sort of person... I could go on, but I think I make some of my main issues clear...
Content Quality Score: 8.0... B-
Overall Score: 8.9... B+
My advice for Azulazulazula: Well, most of my problem is in the premise. And most of my favorite parts are in the premise. So I'm kinda conflicted as to what advice to give you. Try and vary paragraph lengths and structures, just to promote some readability. But that's pretty much it.
What sort of person would enjoy Jump? Anyone looking for an interesting mystery thing or a twist on a popular ship.