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Fanon Review: Burning Air by Sokka jr and Henryjh98

MibuWolf October 15, 2012 User blog:MibuWolf

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

MibuWolf here for a late review. I've been going through a really angsty period right now, I think. My history teacher gave me a B on the notebook I spent forever preparing, so now I'm doing all the little things that she doesn't dock points for, but irritate her nonetheless... like calling her "Missus" instead of "Doctor". That and my writing's been kinda sketchy. I had one of my characters in a non-Avatar fanfic commit suicide, and now I'm kinda taking a step back to assess my attitude...

But that doesn't have anything to do with my review for today! Burning Air by Sokka jr and Henryjh98 follows the story of another survivor of the Air Nomad genocide and the story building up to said genocide!

Writing Categories

  • Mistakes/Grammar: 10.0 I didn't see any grammatical mistakes. My mind has kinda been derp with all my SAT prep, so I'm also only used to really looking for subject-verb agreement, which is there, haha.
  • General Writing: 6.2 While there are some good descriptions in there, for the most part the writing is really repetitive, with most sentences starting with the subject and following a similar or identical sentence structure.

Writing Score: 8.1... B-

Content Categories

  • Story: 7.7 There was never anything to really get me into the story. I followed and stuff, but there just wasn't that zing to really make it interesting. I like some of the more recent stuff he's doing, but at the same time it all seems pretty predictable so far... Also, it just kind of feels like it's lacking substance. I get the idea, but I really want some good red meat to dig my teeth into.
  • Characters/Character Development: 7.8 Personally, I'm not feeling super attached to any of the characters, and I just overall think there's a lot more characterization to be had.
  • Genre (Advent... Drama): 8.3 I really don't get much of the Adventure vibe from this one, so I'm rating it more on the drama, which includes all the tense chatty scenes, at least in my opinion. In the last couple of chapters, I really like the build up to this new technique and all the strings and stuff intertwining. But at the same time it could be more.

Content Score: 7.9... C+

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity: 7.2 The idea of detailing what happened to people during the Air Nomad Genocide, and even having some survivors/one survivor seems like a pretty easy to reach idea. I guess the concept towards the end is kinda new, but not enough to really pull up the score much.
  • Believability: 6.9 Some of the lines sound stuffy, the above mentioned concept isn't really believable, and just a bunch of little things like that.

Content Quality Score: 7.1... C-

Overall Score: 7.7... C+

My advice for Sokka jr and Henryjh98: MORE! GIMME GIMME MORE! Grr, I just want to have more to dig my teeth into and tear apart like a vicious lioness tearing through an antelope. I feel like if there was just more to this that everything else would work itself out. More character development, overall more time to just get from point A to point B. The Master State idea was really cool, and you rushed through it in 1056 words. I word-counted it. Usually, I wouldn't concern myself with word counts and surface-like things, but your running through a TOTALLY new idea!!! There should be, like, 10,000 words! Take more time! Go on a detour through the country instead of going on the freeway.

Then, I just want to talk about your writing. It's pretty repetitive, and I think that if you use my go-to technique of only starting one sentence in a paragraph with the same word (i.e. you could only start one sentence per paragraph with "Kyfu"), it'll help. At least until you untrain yourselves from the pretty repetitive sentence structure. I feel like I should mention that this isn't a "law" or anything, just a little trick to help fix the problem.

What sort of person would enjoy Burning Air? Well, anyone interested in more of what happened in the Air Nomad Jenna's Side (30 Rock, anyone?) for sure, or people with a particular interest in backstories/explanations with a little bit of sugar on top (sugar, but no good steak, at least thus far)

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