MibuWolf signing on for my second review of today. And first things first. If any FRS member reads this, what is up with that creepy bloody hand holding a mask on the FRS page? I don't know if I missed a memo or something, but it's kinda creepy. And it floats, so even when I try to scroll away it follows me...
Today is the day of double after-the-war fanon reviews! Avatar - Book 4: Light by AvengeBender007 takes place five years after the war, following the gaang as they search for a new element on a mysterious island.
- Mistakes/Grammar: 7.5 I noticed quite a few errors... Several improper commas, a couple of who/whom mix-ups, and a handful of typos.
- General Writing: 8.0 The writing was decent, however on occasion the sentences were choppy and awkward. However, I think most of the awkwardness in the writing could be attributed to grammar mistakes.
Writing Score: 7.8... C+
- Story: 7.6 The story has yet to become really engaging. It seems like a good idea, but thus far in the plot not too much has happened.
- Characters/Character Development: 7.4 So far, none of the canonical characters have really seem to fit into their roles. Most of the lines don't seem extremely unique to the characters, and there hasn't been any real development in the relationships.
- Genre (Adventure): 8.6 Even this early into the plot, there has been a decent amount of adventuring around the world. I can tell that, as the plot continues to develop, there will be even more adventuring as well.
Content Score: 7.9... C+
Content Quality Categories
- Creativity: 7.0 "Light-bending" seems like a rather cliche concept. I personally feel that adding any interesting element is going to end up being cliche, unless it's an element no one has thought of, like crayonbending. Which sounds horrendously dull. Then there's the cliche of adding an element after the war. Plus, the whole idea of learning a new element after the war just seems overused. Not to mention a couple of other themes that are reminiscent of other series.*
- Believability: 8.0 It seems a bit strange that no one would have stumbled upon an island yet. Too... coincidental. But I suppose if there were a mysterious island and some trouble brewing, the gaang would get back together and something similar to this would happen.
Content Quality Score: 7.5... C
Overall Score: 7.7... C+
My advice for AvengeBender: First, I'm going to give you a quick tip for remembering "who" versus "whom". Surprisingly, you actually misused "whom" in using it where a "who" would be more appropriate. It's usually the other way around. Here's the quick-and-dirty grammar tip: if it can be replaced with "he" than it's "who" and if it can be replaced with "him" than it's "whom". For example, if you wanted to ask about the second person in a conversation's identity, you'd ask "To whom were you talking?" because the response would be formulated as "I was talking to him." On the other hand, if you are describing a guy as angry, you would say "Felipe, who is an angry fellow" because in another context, you would phrase the statement as "he is an angry fellow". Kinda make sense? My only other advice would be to dive into characters a bit more, introduce another couple OCs, or elaborate upon new but reasonable sides of the Gaang's personality, or something.
What sort of person would enjoy Book 4: Light? Anyone looking for a new adventure with the Gaang, really. Particularly those who like new elements and after-the-war fanons.
*First, the Animus. I know you, AvengeBender, said that the name was all that was taken from AC, but really the idea of accessing past lives is exactly what the Animus was about... Not to mention that the whole "journey to the end of the world" reminds me a tad too much of "Pirates of the Caribbean".