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Fanon Review: Avatar: Legend of Kaito by AvatarBearcat

This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

The Newly Selected Corps, I mean MibuWolf, here to review a series by an author of whose anime and movie taste I approve.* I would have gotten this review done sooner if the name "Kai" hadn't inspired me to rewatch all of Kai of EXO's teasers on youtube...

Avatar: Legend of Kaito by AvatarBearcat follows the story of a Firebending youth whose name you can probably guess in a world where Equalists rule and kill and/or capture all known benders.

Writing Categories

  • Mistakes/Grammar: 6.5 [MibuWolf finishes super-gluing her hair back on and takes a deep breath] Run-ons. Run-ons oh my gods. I couldn't figure out a nice way of saying this. There were a ton of run-ons. I have some advice for Bearcat on this in the end of the review. And there are a couple of tense switches...
  • General Writing: 7.9 At first, I really, really liked the descriptions of the setting. Very Steinbeck-y, and though Steinbeck is a baby-killer** he has lovely descriptions of the setting of all his stories. However, as the series began to become more action-oriented, the writing generally decreased in quality. Most descriptions of action are simply the subject of the sentence and what he is doing, and the same goes for description of characters. Bearcat always gets the point across, but... yeah.

Writing Score: 7.2... C-

Content Categories

  • Story: 8.3 Usually, when I have as big of a problem with writing as I did with this story, I cannot focus on plot at all. However, the plot of Legend of Kaito was rather intriguing, and I was able to keep reading. This might be because I just came away from reading "Tortilla Curtain" and "The Scarlet Letter" for school, but I did feel the story was a bit shallow. Still, though, very accessible, and easy to follow--in a good way. I never felt like I was getting lost following what was going on. Some events were rushed, which was a tad awkward, but like I said--you always know what is going on.
  • Characters/Character Development: 7.0 They're all who you would expect... The "good" protagonist, his shadow (the rebel/rogue who is good even if his morality is questionable at times), the romantic interest, the wise old "man" (woman, in this case), it's like studying archetypes again. Which, once again, makes it easy to read and follow, but not the most "new" or different thing I've seen. But they're not underdeveloped or anything, even if they are stereotypes.
  • Genre (Adventure): 8.0 It's pretty fast-paced, which I think stays true to an adventure story. However, there wasn't much adventuring in the first book. I think there will be more in the second, judging from the first chapter, but the majority of the first book was set in one place. I don't know many adventures that are mostly training. Of course, like I said, this is probably going to change later on in the series.

Content Score: 7.8... C+

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity: 8.2 [MibuWolf switches into Rarity's whining voice] This one was hard to score... [Returns to normal] Very hard to score. But in a way that I think is good? I had a problem with the lack of originality in characters, however, I really liked the plot. It seems like a natural course of events to simply swing in the opposite direction and have bending supremacists, however to have a series that, rather, takes the Equality thing to a whole new level seems pretty creative to me. Of course, that could just be because that's what happened in my fanon, hurhur (though in a much different way that this fanon, so he's still pretty creative).
  • Believability: 8.4 There are a lot of coincidences, and I just kind of feel like with the world as big as it is, the coincidence with the old lady is just... awkward. Other than that, everything seems cool. Korra didn't duel with Amon, but Bearcat did write this before the end of LoK, or at least start writing it then.

Content Quality Score: 8.3... B-

Overall Score: 7.8... C+

My advice for Bearcat: All right. I said I'd come back to the run-ons. They drove me crazy. I'm not sugar-coating this because I think this is a far worse problem than starting too many sentences with subjects and what-not. You use commas in place of periods, which is BAD! HORRIBLE! It's as bad for you as eating nothing but McDonald's food and candy! Now then, here's what you can do. It's grammar nerd time, since I just revisited subjects, predicates, independent clauses, and what not for someone else. You know what a subject is, right? Like the subject of a sentence, the noun. And you know what a predicate is? It's the action, including the description of the action. When you combine the two (subject, predicate), it is what is called an "independent clause". NEVER, EVER, EVER SEPARATE TWO INDEPENDENT CLAUSES WITH A COMMA. Always use a semicolon, dash, period, or a phrase using a comma and a conjunction (and, but, or, yet, for, nor, so. But this is mostly used for contrasts and sometimes doesn't include a comma and that gets into confusing grammar stuff). Semicolons or dashes are better if the two independent clauses are related, such as with most of your run-ons. Also, there's really no advice for decreasing stereotypical-ness with characters, however I do have one recommendation: come up with a character that is not similar to any other character from anything else. It's harder than you'd think! Even if you don't use that character and/or end up hating him/her, it's a good work out to help one become aware of stereotypical characters and archetypes and help you avoid them a bit better. And... have a character that uses Nov. 11 or another British contractor as a character pic :D

What sort of person would enjoy the Legend of Kaito? Anyone looking for the adventure of a new Avatar. Though some bits are generic stereotypes, stereotypes are overused because they're "accessible", meaning easy to follow and relate to. Which is most definitely a good thing. Archetypes aren't bad, and "Legend of Kaito" shows one of the best sides of archetypes that I've seen.

*YYH AND DtB? Awesomeness. And I see what you did there in the third chapter with the Star Wars episode two reference with the motorcycle thing.

**Think about it. Steinbeck has killed a baby in every one of his novels and novellas except for in "Of Mice and Men" where, spoiler, he kills Lennie who has the mind of a young child.

***Unlike "Their Eyes were Watching God", the book I'm currently reading for school which I read for two hours and had absolutely no clue what was happening.

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