Hey there, Fanon Review Squad.here, reviewing by on behalf of the
An ever-changing world keeps the Avatar busy, as the Fire Nation changes power from the sages to the Fire Lord. As the Air Temple's children disappear, the Avatar must stop the kidnappers, even if it kills him. Disharmony in the Fire Nation may cause a civil war. Assassins lurk in the temples, waiting to kill. Avatar Gatton, through tragedy, has overcome everything in his path. With the help of his grandchildren, he will uncover a great plan.
The Lost Air Temple is a fanon written by an obviously new writer. I do apologize if this sounds harsh; my only intent is constructive criticism. Kuzonkid7 needs to get himself at least one editor, although two or three would probably work out better. To be honest, I can hardly understand it, and what little I can is not good.
Story – 6.5: The story of Avatar Gatton is…complicated. The idea of a hidden Air Temple and a Fire Sage conspiracy is inventive enough. Kuzonkid’s problem lies in the fact that the writing is subpar.
Action – 5.0: The action was there, but I honestly couldn’t tell what the point was.
Writing – 2.0: I hate giving scores like this; I really do. The grammar and structure are just…they need work. Editors are necessary here; I will say it again.
Creativity – 7.5: Honestly, the idea itself is pretty creative, but clichés and writing traps abound.
Believability – 4.0: Most of the time, I couldn’t identify or empathize with the story or characters.
Character Development – 2.5: If it’s there, I honestly cannot find it among all of its other flaws.
Average Score: 4.6
Note: All scores are out of ten
Advice for Kuzonkid7: Get people willing to edit and help you polish your story. It needs to be overhauled and given input by several people, preferably.
Who should read The Lost Air Temple? If you can get past the writing and similar stumbling blocks, TLAT has something to offer the fanon community. If the story is polished and fixed, it can become something great.