Hey there,here, reviewing by on behalf of the Fanon Review Squad.
Avatar Tiros has encountered a new and puzzling character in the form of Melasa, a mysterious woman who now serves him. How will Melasa being a witch affect their partnership? While he is still trying to figure out her history, Tiros must settle disputes and chaos on the continent. Melasa has sworn servitude to Avatar Tiros, how far will she go to serve her new master?
I’ve actually enjoyed the four chapters that Dreams of Melasa has to offer; it is a refreshing and new perspective on the Avatar universe. Seriously, adding witches to the ancient world of Avatar shouldn’t work, but The Snowbold does a good job with the concept and makes it an entertaining read. That being said, I feel that there are some issues that seriously need to be addressed, and maybe they will in further chapters. On that note, on to the scores!
Story – 9.0: The story is looking to be intriguing and fresh. Notice that I say “looking”. As it is now, the four chapters we have been given hint at a larger story, but so far, it hasn’t come into its own yet.
Action – 8.5: The action scenes are quite descriptive, which is definitely a plus. Unfortunately, some of those descriptions are rather basic and repetitive. That said, most of this is within the first three chapters and can be corrected with some editing.
Writing – 8.8: Most of the problems I had with this stemmed from odd verb usage and some grammar and punctuation issues. To elaborate on the first point, several times I found myself reading a sentence and wondering “does that verb really work, or does it sound as awkward as I think it does?”
Creativity – 9.5: I could not find fault with the concept of witches and spirit weapons; that just gives me a story begging to be read. However, the whole “Avatar trying to master the elements” thing is a little tired by now.
Believability – 7.5: I had no trouble believing the witches and magic weapons part, none at all. Character interactions—which will be detailed in the next section as well—make up the brunt of these problems.
Character Development – 6.0: This category is what I had the most trouble with. Even the fact that there are less than five chapters to its name does not automatically make this part a problem; even in a shorter fanon, I might be able to see the beginnings of something above average. The most noticeable issue, at first, is Avatar Tiros’ personality: he is a cookie cutter hero. He has no defining personality beyond “generic good guy”. But perhaps the part that truly lowered this score was Melasa herself. I expected going into this piece a bold, relatable female protagonist. Instead, what I found was a female protagonist who started out strong, but quickly became a servant, albeit a quirky one. Seriously, she tries to kill the Avatar for a pretty compelling reason, but (SPOILER!!!) as soon as he defeats her, she basically turns around and submits herself as a servant. This could work if it didn’t seem like she was already prepared for that role as a character, and by that I mean she takes to it immediately and with an almost sickening frequency (you hear the word ‘master’ a lot), despite the fact that her initial introduction would have us believe that she is not what she ends up becoming within two rather short chapters.
Average Score/Final Verdict – 8.2: I apologize if I came off as a tad harsh in that last section, but I truly expected more out of Melasa. She has a lot of potential, and so does her counterpart, Tiros. But so far it seems rather insulting to both of them at the moment. All that bad stuff aside, your writing is pretty good, and the concept of this story is incredible. If you work out the kinks and build up your characters, this could easily become a great piece.
Who should read Dreams of Melasa? Anyone looking for something that definitely sits outside of the fanon community’s general comfort zone should definitely read Dreams of Melasa.