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Fanon Review: Champions of Old Ba Sing Se by allhailhades

This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Hey there, Mageddon725 here, reviewing Champions of Old Ba Sing Se by allhailhades on behalf of the Fanon Review Squad.

The year is 921 A.S.C and my adventure starts in the Ruins of Republic City. Almost 400 years ago, the Avatar at the time was battling a tyrant, and went into the Avatar State, he then somewhat lost control and destroyed the city by causing an earthquake. The Avatar at the time, and natural Airbender, died and killed many citizens of the city. This angered some nomads because many of them blamed the tyrant, an earth kingdom ruler, for causing the destruction by triggering the Avatar State. The nomads split into 2 groups, the traditional nomads who hide out in the air temples and the Ming-Hua nomads who seek revenge and plan to stop the avatar cycle because they believe it is to powerful and dangerous. For nearly 400 years no one has seen the Avatar, many believe the cycle was broken.

As one can tell by the intro alone, this story is in first person narrative. I do enjoy the fact that, for once, Airbenders are shown as villains, at least in part. There are some grammar hiccups and the style can be confusing, but all in all, this is pretty good.


Story – 8.5: The idea of the Ming Hua taking over the ruins of Republic City is pretty awesome, and the plot overall is well done.

Action – 9.0: Fast-paced, but also well-paced, if you get my meaning.

Writing – 8.7: Good, but grammatical errors and clunky word assemblage make it difficult to focus on the story at times.

Creativity – 9.1: I’m not sure anyone has done a fanon quite like this…very few are willing to bring down a major location in the world of Avatar.

Believability – 8.3: A major killer of this score is convenience, whether it be in plot or in conversations. Thankfully, this piece does not have them in overabundance, but they are there.

Character Development – 7.5: This is where I was kind of disappointed. The characters haven’t begun to mesh as well as they could, and their relationships move a mite too quickly.

Average Score: 8.5

Note: All scores are out of ten

Advice for allhailhades: Work on your spelling/grammar, perhaps by getting an editor. The biggest thing is developing your characters; get that right and your fanon will improve exponentially.

Who should read Champions of Old Ba Sing Se? Anyone who likes the “After LoK” genre should give this one a go.

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