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Omashu’s Second Comedy Writing Contest- Entry Dos!

Kuir April 19, 2013 User blog:Kuir

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Comedy Contest Entry

How magnificent are we to know the danger and run into it anyway!

The Lieutenant sat there in frustration repeating something he had been saying for the last six months, “We got to get a net.”

The Equalists were so used to their agile and spinning style of fighting that a few had fallen right off the Western Air Temple’s ledge. And by few, there were two dozen. He was still questioning why they had relocated to the cliffside temple. Amon insisted that with their superior technological advantage, they would rule the skies. Obviously the boss did not consider workplace accidents.

No one even realized what had happened when the first guy went, looking all over the place led to nothing. Only when two others fell off the same ledge, did they catch on.

Things seem to get worse as the guys got more comfortable in their new home. And ball games and throw had to be banned when a crazy kaui ball led to a player rolling off the top floor.

Considering the amount of equipment and weaponry they brought, the Lieutenant was sure they had nets, sure enough, they didn’t. He placed an order for ‘Quick Ship’ with Bison Express. Ten days later, they still had him on hold.


Four Days Later... “About time you got here, I ordered these nets fourteen days ago!”

The monk smiled broadly, “Yep, right on schedule!”

“No, you idiot! I ordered express!”

“Uh,” a look of confusion took him when he looked at his books, “it says standard shipping here.”

He grunt as one of his soldiers called out, “Hey!”

“What?!”

He leaned over a ledge, “We can set one here! Aaaaahhhh-!”

Lieutenant let his head drop as they lost another one.


He had fitful dreams that night, falling were the common thread, the next was that the nets were faulty. Someone woke him, “Sir, we got someone in the nets right now.”

“Ugh, lets go get them.”

A dozen men and women stood around tired as the wind blew. Apparently their friend had sleep walking issue and walked right off the bridge to grab some cheese.

“I can’t believe it, it freezing and we’re out here because an idiot can’t get woken up by the bloody wind knocking him over in his sleep!”

“He’s lucky it happened today, without those nets, he’s be mush on the ground.”

“I heard that!” The man had since woken up and was yelling for them to hurry up. Naturally, they took their time.

The wind hit real hard and the net began to sway. A sergeant grimace in his mask, “Ooh, I don’t like the look of that.”

“It’ll be fine, just get him out.”

A ladder was thrown down but it didn’t reach him as the wind beat harder and kept it waving in the air. The net swayed harder, back and forth it went with the man clutching fearfully. A great gust hit blowing everyone back. The net pulled back straining with the wind.

Everyone rushed back to the ledge to see the gust die out and the net slingshot forward. To their horror, the sleep walking comrade flew out like a stone. Catapulting through the mist, they lost sight of him and soon, only his screams could be heard.

One of the now-alert Equalist butted in, “You’ve got to be kidding me?”


Needless to say, the nets were removed. No one wanted to handle the prospect of being ‘launched’ into an even more terrifying death. Amon had finally come to listen to their complaints, though he seemed unfazed.

As the other Equalists left, Lieutenant asked, “Sir, why are we here? We have lost over two dozen men.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Here, we have to watch our every step, we can’t even trust the elements, for they might knock us off our feet, literally.”

Amon looked at a great painting of Sky Bison as he continued, “Those who return from here will be the best, the strongest, the smartest and the most careful fighters we have.”

“Seriously? This is to train up for the best?”

“Yes, we may be fewer in number when we return, but there will be no doubt of our prowess.”

Lieutenant, looked on in shock. He gripped at his mask, fury bleeding through him.


The men ate lunch, rice and steaming vegetables. Things were going fine until they heard a scream. They saw a hooded man fall and as his body flailed, they saw it was Amon’s mask.

Lieutenant soon joined them after a heavy breath. “He tripped on that bison statue’s foot.”

“I never thought the boss would trip up like the rest of us.” The Equalists looked on stunned.

“We should take this as a lesson to always be careful, as we return home, lets be vigilant, thats what he would want for us. We shall continue his legacy!”


Notes

This is much more morbid humor.

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