Avatar Wiki


FRS - In Hunt of the Avatar, by Tono555

Fruipit September 13, 2014 User blog:Fruipit
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

In Hunt of the Avatar

The Red Lotus uses lava as cover

The very first story by Tono555, In Hunt of the Avatar follows, not our heroes, but the Red Lotus as they work to destroy said heroes. Will they succeed? Or will the heroes rise up and stop them? Only Tono knows, and we'll just have to keep reading ^^"


Plot = 6.9: There are few LoK-themed stories, and even fewer focussing on the Red Lotus, however the originality of the different take is offset by the unoriginality of the actual storyline. It doesn't offer anything new—it's a fanon that only tells me what occurred in canon. The readers aren't seeing any new ideas or motives in play, nor are they getting any more information other than what has already been given in canon.

Characterisation = 7.0: Unfortunately, I can't give a higher score for this category, either. The characters aren't really developing in the five chapters released, but it is also hard to judge because I feel like I don't really know them at all. Being such a heavily canon-dependent story, it's understandable that not all elements of the characters won't be explained, like physical attributes and such, however it does not mean that shortcuts can be taken with the other aspects. Who are these people? What do they think and feel? There's almost no exposition of character. What are they hoping to accomplish with their actions?

Believability = Omitted: Entirely due to the fact that this fanon has played out in canon means that I can't mark this category. Apologies.

Technical writing = 8.2: I didn't notice many issues, and of the ones I did notice, quite a few were small and not reoccurring. I noticed at least one capital letter after a comma, though there was also an over-use of commas. A number of times, the sentences ran onto each other (run on sentences). This is usually because a comma has been used instead of either a full-stop or a colon. For example;

"There I dodged a fire attack and leapt behind the firebender, after that, I threw him inside the cell as well, I ran up a wall again to dodge the remaining two sentries' attacks before swiping them off their feet and blasting them inside the cell."

The highlighted commas are ones that are unneeded and should be either full stops or semi-colons. Otherwise, it forms run-on sentences that become awkward and uncomfortable to read.

Non-technical writing = 7.1: There is almost no description in this story at all, making it hard to feel immersed in the story. Lack of description is not always a negative thing, such as with Ernest Hemingway's The Killers, however in such cases, the small amounts of description offered are perfect in helping the reader visual the story. In this case, though, that effect isn't quite achieved. The author relies too much on what they expect the readers to know, rather than working under the assumption that they don't have any prior knowledge.

Organisation = Omitted: As per the 'believability', I can't actually give this section a grade due to the fact that it follows canon almost exactly, and so there is no organisation of plot that can be reviewed.

Total score = 7.3

My advice: Add some original information and description. We know what plays out in canon—we want to read a story that offers more, new information. In regards to the description, the readers want to feel, not just see, what's happening. People have five senses, so use them!

Why I enjoyed this story: There are very few stories, as I said about, that focus on Zaheer and the Red Lotus. This story has a lot of potential, and I look forward to future updates :)

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki