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Fanon Review: The Kyoshi Chronicles by Kyoshidude

ByBray November 26, 2013 User blog:ByBray
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Hello everyone! Bray here, reviewing Kyoshidude's fanon The Kyoshi Chronicles.

Kyoshi's fans

During the time of Avatar Kuruk, the four States lived in harmony, with the world divided into equal portions. But when Kuruk passed, the world fell into war. The Earthbending Avatar was long sought after to bring an end to all the fighting but, sadly, was never found. Seventeen years later a girl from a small provincial town, Kyoshi, discovers something about herself that could change the course of the war - or even the world.

Join Kyoshi and her band of friends as she discovers what it truly means to stand up and be a hero in Book One: Earth

In The Kyoshi Chronicles, Kyoshidude has created a universe in which it delves into the mind and experiences of Kyoshi, growing up as the Avatar through various trials and tribulations. It's an interesting tale, and a long one at that: Book One had 101,857 words! It's a testament to the author when they can maintain quality in mass quantity. And, at the author's request, this review will consist only of Book One (although, I did read the next chapter in Book Two :D ).


Plot - 8.5: The plot was interesting, as I am a personal fan of back stories. I liked witnessing (for now) how Kyoshi has grown up and become who she eventually was. In places, it did get rather stale, but fear not: I have ways to help! This is a problem for me as well; as of late, I've been focusing on writing with more emotion, and allowing the reader to feel the world and come to know it, rather than by blatant description. It's hard for me, but I know it'll pay off in the long run, and I know it could help you out too!

Character Development - 8.4: I'm picky here, because I know how difficult it can be to create a character and develop them realistically. A key to this is to make it so that your character has a strong driving force. I want to understand what they are doing and why, but not blatantly. Overall, the development was sound, but nothing stood out to me over the course of the book. I suggest remembering what drive it is that they (they meaning characters) are pushed by as you write.

Organization - 8.8: Logical and sensible are the words that come to mind when I think of the organization here. The story flowed in a way so that I could understand it, but there was something missing -- nothing ever stood out to me in the way the story was concocted. Then again, all I had to go off of was Book One. I do believe that after the other books are released, this won't have a problem scoring higher.

Creativity - 8.2: The story, in itself, was good. It was interesting, especially in the climactic moments of the first book, but I really wanted something to trip me up, to make me get attached to the story on a different level. Kyoshi being the lead was a creative element, but I feel like, as of now, she's untapped potential. But, there will be more books coming out, so I feel like this will up the score overall here too. I look forward to where it leads, needless to say.


Mechanics - 9.3: The author utilizes multiple literary techniques that are needed to develop a good story. From metaphors to alliteration, I found a little bit of everything. There were a few coding errors or accidental mistakes such as missed spaces, but other than that, no big things that stood out. So, all in all, great mechanics.

General Writing - 9.0: Kyoshidude has a lovely way of telling a story, and it conveys the plot and ideas nicely. But, that said, everyone has something they can approve. For me, currently, it's balancing emotions in a story. Here, I think being more sensual (appealing to the senses) would help the quality through and through. Remember that you are creating a story, a plot, a world, essentially, that no one's every truly witnessed. Use words that appeal to the senses -- tell me the smells Kyoshi experiences, the feel of dirt as she sifts her hand over the ground, and descriptions similar to those as well. Utilizing sensory is a brilliant way to improve any story, no matter the size or reputation.

Style - 8.6: This is one of those parts that I need to include but hate doing it. Style is something every author sees differently; for me, it's piecing together the story I read, and I force myself to give it a score. Overall, the author's still goes well with the story, but things like dialogue have to be watched. When dealing with characters speaking, I normally need something other than just simple words -- give me mannerisms, sensual observations, anything. Put it in there and add to the human elements of the story; it'll make it all the more enjoyable.


Captivation - 8.5: Fairly nice over here as well, but there were a few moments here and there, and I would just be like "Uhh, okay..." It's all about maintaining attention, and one way to do this is to control plot elements better. Balance out violence with calmness and peace, sadness with happiness. Avatar: The Last Airbender did a fantastic job of this; Humor, sadness, euphoria, and violence all played together in a balanced spectrum so that viewers stayed on their toes.

Emotion - 8.6: In my opinion, solid here as well. I can honestly say that the author puts effort in like I've never seen, thus leading to not only a large quantity of writing, but good quality as well. The length was bearable because of this; I wasn't bored, but I wasn't quite thrilled. There were moments that peaked my emotion and I was either happy, sad, etc. But there were also times when I began to subconsciously skip lines because I could feel the repetitiveness. This is the hard part about writing; you have to create a story that makes you cry as you write, or burns your heart, or else the reader won't share those feelings. Bring this element to the story, and I can see the boost in reception already.

Believability - 8.7 I can believe this story. Now before you go all "GO MORE IN-DEPTH BRAY," just hear me out. Most stories have a hard time being believable in the eyes of the reader; The Kyoshi Chronicles was a story that was completely believable. I understand what was happening and that it had meaning, and the like. There were parts that made me iffy, but overall, I had no issue believing that this could have been the way Kyoshi's life unfurled.

Final Score - 8.66

Personal Thoughts

I really loved the way Kyoshidude constructed the story; it allowed me to visualize Kyoshi's life with clarity.

The effort put into the work is astounding!

I now see why Kyoshi is such an esteemed character!

Advice for the Author

Focus on balancing emotion. You can write, that's for sure, now it's just fine-tuning those techniques and story elements I talked about. If you can, I have no doubt that this will turn into a magnificent story. I look forward to it!


If you're a fan of backstories, like myself, give this a read! Or if you just want a good read in general, check this out!

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