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Hello, this is BlackMonkey, signing in to review Savior by .
Savior tells about the Avatar after Aang, who lives on Earth. Her name is Jasmine Omu. Korra still exists on another planet. Jasmine, her brother Adam, and their friend Joshua embark on a journey to stop the corrupt FM9 Corporation. A Civil War is going on between Massachusetts and the United States. FM9 Corporation and the United States have created an alliance.
Okay, I won't lie. This wasn't a very great story. The one real reason was that there was only 1 chapter, that I personally didn't like. I think the concept is cool, I really do, but RandomPerson requested this review in the end of August and still hasn't written another chapter. I can only grade what is given to me, so if this review sounds too harsh, that is why.
- Story - 7.0: Again, I like the plan, but I really can't grade Story off a plot summary, so all I have is the first chapter. I felt like some parts were rushed and didn't really flow.
- Action - 7.2: Good, but very rushed.
- Writing - 7.5: Needs some work. Everything happens too fast and unrealistically.
- Creativity - 8.7: I'll give some points to RandomPerson here. Although it's kind of like Alone, I think the idea is cool and has potential.
- Believability - 6.4: Sorry, but I really think all the speech is strangely fit together. Some people say things that you know people wouldn't say, and it all goes too quickly and does not flow.
- Character Development - 6.9: What can I say? Everyone basically just does what they do. Things just happen. I did think Jasmine, Josh, and Adam had grown more together from the beginning of the story, but once more, there's only one chapter that they can develop in.
Average Score: 7.3
Note: All scores are out of ten
Advice for RandomPerson...o 0: Well, the one biggest thing is just to write another chapter! This fanon has potential, and really, I think it's got more than your other two. That's another thing. I'm not sure why you have THREE fanons going at once, I think new authors should stay small. Slow and steady wins the race. If you are going to continue with this, I'd make sure that you reread every chapter a couple times in it's preview before publishing it. Remember to make all speech seem believable, conversations that could actually happen. Just keep writing.
What kind of users should read Savior? Need a change in setting from the Avatar World? Want an original, new fanon? Like school and evil organizations? Savior may just be the fanon for you.