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Hi everybody! This is Bahjy1, coming to review The Last Airbender:The Last Avatars (TLA:TLA) by RandomPerson...o 0.
The story's introduction is a bit foggy, relying on my understanding - Only around 19 people are on earth, and the Avatar cycle was broken. It was a very good trailer in the beginning, but the chapters start going without some more explanation.
Avatar Yangchen and Avatar Kyoshi lead a group of Avatars along with Suki, Sokka, Mako, Bolin, Zuko, and Mai trying to save their lives from Sozin, Koh, Amon, Azula, Chin the Conqueror, and Alec the first Avatar.
We still don't know what are the protagonist's aims and why, but the idea of explaining the first Avatar's life, other Avatars' lives as well as the idea of the spirits becoming mortal is all great, although we don't know how the other people died and how Ba Sing Se was destroyed and all... Scores :
- Suspense : 7.4 - The first chapters are always the lesser exciting, but what's here is here, the truth is that suspense isn't present in the first chapter, but RandomPerson got an excuse : It was his/her first chapter ever.
- Action : 3.8 - Again, first chapters are never the best, but I see no action.
- Description : 8.5 - RandomPerson knows how to describe surely. The use of description words is great.
- Creativity : 8.8 - As I stated before, the ideas are great, and I already said that the series is creative in a comment. Because of the creative ideas I become more and more hungry for explanation.
- Development : 7.8 - Characters all popped out at once, Making us reading the names Alec, Chin, Amon, Bolin, Mako without knowing anything about them. The second chapter was slightly better, and RandomPerson used a great help, Omar067.
- Final Touch : 7.0 - A slightly big amount of mistakes.
Final Score : 43.3/60 Average : 7.216666666666667
Why should you read The Last Airbender:The Last Avatars ? - Because you want to know a bit more of the past, you want to know how the first Avatar feels and thinks. Becuase you want a fanon like none other, because you want something creative. Maybe you wanna see predictions for Korra and friends and Amon, this is a great place to see.
Any advice for RandomPerson...o 0 ? - Yes. First of all, you have to go on, you are supported to continue by many users and your idea got a potential, you can work on your development a bit, explaining the characters slowly and deeply, and raising the action level more and more as the strory goes on. Some readers like action, I know it doesn't really suit your idea, but you can raise it a little bit. Always review your chapters in a time or another, so it can be free of typing, spelling, and grammar errors. As a last word, I really like your idea, and want it to be written in the best way, I advise you to stop its "on hold" status and continue writing it, look at the comments - You got lots of readers.
--08:50, October 29, 2011 (UTC)