Some of you may say I am mad, some may say I am in a bad mood, and some may say I have no heart. To those who say I am honest, thank you. Bahjy1 here, here to review RandomPerson...o 0's fanon .
First off, I want to tell you RandomPerson, you and many others, do not request a review when you have only one chapter. The reviewer never wants to put you down, a review is made to give readers, advice, and encouragement. You can never mix Action, Character Development, and Description perfectly in one, short chapter. Excuse me for any bad scores, it never means offense.
This story is about a war. Not the war you are all thinking of, it's about a war in the spirit world (look at its name, silly :P). It is too creative to resist reading it. A spirit wanted to kill Koh while a spirit named Hánano was his friend. Hánano, the main character, was telling this to an 8 year old kid. Since the story still has one chapter, there is much to be revealed, so you gotta wait for it! Scores :
- Suspense : 8.1 - It was good for a first chapter, but not that good. To be honest, this isn't the best story out there, but it is good.
- Action : 4.0 - I am really sorry for getting down to FOUR. You see, people, even the best of authors can't fit everything in one limited chapter, so I am sorry, but nothing happens in the first (and in thi case, only) chapter!
- Description : 7.5 - Since the chapter is a conversation, there isn't much to be described, but there was an opportunity to describe how the spirit world was created.
- Development - If I had to give a score, I'd give 0. That's why I didn't give a score, it would hurt the average. A first chapter can never do much with Development.
- Final Touch : 10.0 - No errors. In one, short, chapter, though.
Final Score : 39/50 Average : 7.8/10
Any Advice for RandomPerson ? - RADDANATHACHAPTAH! (Write another chapter).You can bring more action in the future, describe things a bit more, and bring more suspense by using cliffhangers. In case you don't know what a cliffhangher is, see this.
Why should you read Spirit War ? - Because the creativity there flows and flows. It isn't A:TLA, isn't TLA:LOK, it is a creative unique story.
--18:59, November 20, 2011 (UTC)