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Fanon Review - Avatar Phoa by Acer Indonesia

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FRSimage
This review was conducted by the Fanon Review Squad and reflects our best judgment of writing and fanon authorship quality. Please don't take offense if the review wasn't positive. We always give advice!

Before I even greet the wiki, let me first say I'm sorry to Acer. I promised him this review would be out last month. Then it became two weeks ago. Then a week ago. Then five days ago, when I promised him it would be out on that Monday. And now, here it is, Saturday, an entire month later, and I'm publishing this review. I'm sorry, Acer. And you have no reason to forgive me. My only excuse is personal stuff and familiy tragedy.

Anyways, onto my introduction: Hello, my fellow Avatar Wikians! Today, I will be reviewing Avatar Phoa, written by the incredibly patient Acer Indonesia.

And now, onto what will, unfortunately, turn out to be a highly negative review.

I always start my reviews with a plot summary, in my own words. But honestly, the plot was highly incomprehensible, so I'm just going to post Acer's own plot summary.

Sometimes in 275 AG, almost 105 years after the victory of Avatar Korra, a new Avatar was born, Phoa. She's the next Avatar after Avatar Xiethou, the Avatar after Korra. The modernization is very fast expanded since Avatar Aang gathered all four nations in United Republic. Different Avatar, different story. In Phoa's era, the world is in the new chaos. The Magicus Pishogue, the most dangerous enemy plan to conquer the world, are going to change the world by erase the existence of Avatar. They mastered the unorthodox bending, such as shadow, Mythology God, mind, and others. Luckily, Phoa assisted by her best friends: Joy, Ratih, and Fansha.

Will Phoa rids them? Shall the Magicus Pishogue successful conquer the world? What's happened then? Read the story, now!

---Scores---

Plot (x4): 0 x 4 = 0. ...I'm sorry, but like I said, I couldn't even understand what was going on most of the time. The description was, overall, ok, but the dialogue was very weird, and very rarely seemed to give any sort of plot development. Most of all, the grammar was very, very poor, and I couldn't piece the words together into something readable. So, sorry, but I can't score something that I can't understand, nor can I do so based solely on a plot summary.

Writing (x4): 7.5 x 4 = 30. Like I said, it was very hard to understand, as the English was poor; but I did see some very descriptive words past the first chapter, and they painted a (clear as possible with the grammar) picture. The word order was also quite good, and the point of view was very intriguing, as well (written in present third-person).

Creativity (x3): 2.3 x 3 = 6.9. I'm just basing this off a plot summary, and from what I see, and as Acer describes it, this is just a "different avatar, different story." Except, it's not exactly a different story. Phoa's chasing a world-domination-hungry dictator with a band of friends. The only difference is that it takes place 175 years later.

Action (x2): 0 x 2 = 0. I honestly didn't see any, at all, and if there was some, I couldn't find it. I was rummaging through the chapters, looking for any kind of material, and when I came up, no action.

Character Portrayal (x2): 0 x 2 = 0. As with the others, I couldn't understand it...and I'm sorry for all the 0's, I truly am.

Realism (x2): Unscored. As nothing really happened that I could understand, it's not fair, nor possible, for me to say whether what happened was real or not.

Engrossment (x2): 0 x 2 = 0. I couldn't understand it; how could I possibly get sucked into it?

Grammar, spelling, etc. (x1): 0 x 1 = 0. Like I said, there were so many errors that I couldn't even understand what was going on.

Final Score: 36.9/180. Simplifies to 2.05/10.

What does Avatar Phoa have? Pretty good writing. I'm sure there /is/ more, but I don't think I need to repeat everything I've said throughout the review.

What does Phoa lack, and how can Acer improve it? Before you start writing again, work on your grammar. You're a good writer, and I'm sure you've got many other qualities; but you can't convey them to the reader if they can't understand it, can you? Note that the score above doesn't reflect the quality of your story; it just reflects the fact that I couldn't understand it, and therefore couldn't give an accurate review of it. Work on the grammar, and I'm sure the story will deserve much higher than a 2.05.  :)

Is Phoa good, and would I recommend it? I don't know if it's good. At this point, since I can't understand it, no, I don't recommend it.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the negative review.  :)

Firelordazula signatureAzula sprite23TeeAzula Sprite 23:21, June 2, 2012 (UTC)

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