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Fanon Review: Aang: Story of an Airbender by RuleroftheBisons97 - Acenglished!

AcerEvan October 26, 2012 User blog:AcerEvan

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Hey, fanon-folks. Today, I will present you a nice, another epic review of The Acenglished Review!

First off all, I’m sorry for some negative-like scores, but I know that you’re looking for advice. Don’t worry! I always show your advantages and the advice!

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Aang, a young Air Nomad from the Southern Air Temple, discovers he's the Avatar! Now, with his best friend (and love interest), Mia, Aang must figure out what Fire Lord Sozin is planning and solve the mystery of the missing Airbenders. Meanwhile, Aka, Aang's Rival, has other things up his sleeve. However, both are blind to the traitorous nomad that dwells in the temple.


Writing Categories

  • Grammar – 6.5 (x2): At first, I am really sorry to give 6 score, but in this category, you really need an improvement. I noticed a few of grammatical errors here and there. Maybe if you rewrite the first chapters, as example on Ch. 2: “So, you’re name’s Mia?” What happen? Two be and I think you should rewrite it to “So, your name is Mia, isn’t?” Feel the differences?
RotB gives us an epic story about Aang’s background, but I think the biggest think that didn’t attract people really much is the writing. I should take a moment to read, and gotcha! I knew it! You use period instead of comma in wrong place. Behind the dialogue, at the end, if the description was placed after the dialogue, use comma! You know, I asked Minnichi and several friends about this lately, and finally I know my errors. For advice, don’t be too shy for asking people, I promise they’ll give you advice!
  • General Writing - 7.4 (x3): Lately, I read various improvements here and there, and I believe you’ll be a great writer later. Just noticing that I’d love description. Using description in front of your paragraph to start the story is nice, but remember that you will meet a hard, advanced, but pretty writing.

So, it is... 7.0 (D+)

Content Categories

  • Story - 8.2 (x2): I appreciate your work, RoftB! A nice score on story category. I think you’ve done well with the story; an interesting twists counting day by day to the Air Nomad Genocide. For an advice to your story, you write it nicely, but a fast-paced story is not a really good thing.
  • Character Development – 6.8 (x3): I don’t know when I will stop saying sorry, but I think you need a large rewrite on the first chapters. Time when Aang choose Appa as his companion looks awkward; I think you can make a cliffhanger or something to make curious what will happen next. Aang use “yip-yip”, and you didn’t tell readers the reason why Aang chose it.
  • Genre – 7.0 (x1): (DrAdventure/Drama-Adventure) A journey when Aang started his life as Air Nomad, long time before the genocide is interesting at first, but boring at last. Why boring? I can’t say the story is adventuring, perhaps only because you wrote the first chapters too fast-paced.

So, it is... 7.3 (C)

Content Quality Categories

  • Creativity – 8.8 (x1): As I’ve stated above, this is really a creative story. You can read the story and feel the imagination of RoftB spread everywhere! Advice at here, maybe a gap between pre-A:TLA and TLoK, something like secret airbender alive on the epilogue would be an epic.
  • Believability – 6.0 (x1): Really, I can’t believe the story only because the untold story of an untold story. A:TLA didn’t told the background of Air Nomad really well, and this is the time for you to make it as an amazing story! You are not fail, but need more time to comprise the story not in fast-paced one.
  • Interest-level – 7.4 (x2): I like the story, but I never wowed in every chapters. Maybe an advice for you, is giving more twists and not fast-pace the story.

So, it is... 7.4 (C)

Overall Scores... 7.2/10 ! (C)

All scores are Out of Ten.

What are RuleroftheBisons97 advantages? Creative and the story. In this case, you are not failed, but this is the time to awake! RoftB, maybe you should use your times to rewrite instead of continue it first. Next, RoftB, you must not desperate only because these low-scores. You are potential to be a great writer.

What RuleroftheBisons97 could improves on? Writing come in first serve. Read the story at least once before publishing it. And ask someone who’s mastering grammar-well and has a free time to help you.

So, if you say so, who will definitely enjoy to read A:SoaA? Everybody will. But from now, I think people who are interested about Air Nomad and the culture, plus our Avatar; Aang.


After a while thinking, I will change my review style (also applies with FRS review if accepted) to :

I will give 1 - 10 scores for every category with weighted scores.

Editorial

  • Writing Style (x2) - This will be comprises and scoring your writing style, such as poetry, or 1st POV, etc. Your scores will higher than average if you give a nice style, different, and unique!
  • General Writing (x2) - Is your story sounds choppy? How you describe the story well? This will be the answer. With the nice sentences flowing on the story, I think 9 is not a hard score.
  • Grammar (x3) - Grammar is the main base of your story; I believe and have no doubt if you have no grammatical errors, your story will be the best.

Content

  • Storyline (x2) - How do you twist the characters to a circular story, how nice you twisting the story, and how clever you hide the next chapter (CLIFF!)
  • Character Development (x3) - This section is only about how you explain the character and the progress of the character, is the villain too bad and the good is too strong.
  • Genre (x1) - Nothing different with previous, how you explore the story well.

Essence

  • Creativity (x2) - More creative and deep, never be founded story, more scores to you!
  • Believability (x1) - Impossible story will decrease this score, the opposite of creativity ;P
  • Engrossment (x1) - You don't have reader? If you have more than 7.5 in this section, IMPOSSIBRU.
  • Best Scenes (x1) - Do you have a great action story, or maybe something that make me cry/laugh? This is where your skills are challenged.

Behind the Scene

  • Plot Development (x1) - If you planned the story well, and already arrange them in good story, this is your advantage.
  • Organization (x1) - This category will help you to reflecting the organization on your fanon. Not organization group, but organization-organize the story. If the main page, the character, etc. are confusing, well, you know...

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