Oh, I didn't, I just realized a little while ago that I only remembered bits & pieces of Justice League, so I felt a rewatch was in order. That said, Young Justice is easily better.
Don't get me wrong, I'm remembering why I liked this show & developing new appreciation for it, but Young Justice just seems much more planned both in terms of story & action scenes. I didn't much care for the end of Young Justice, but that seems like a moot point now.
Would you like to be the editor/beta-reader of my fanfiction HSC?
I know I'm asking for a lot coming from you and I'm 99,99% sure you will say no, but would you like to be the one in charge of checking if my grammar is correct or there are no retcons in my story?
You could start by checking Book One as you read it, but again, I'm not forcing you, it's just an offering.
To be honest, when I started writing HSC, I never thought it could become something that could escape my reach of control (a lot of characters, a plot dense as a rock, strong ideals and arguments from villains…), I feel like I need help because at this point I don't think I can do this alone.
But, you see: Truthdodger also thinks that the rest of us are a pack of rabid jackals out for the blood of anyone who doesn't like Korrasami. Therefore, Ibby gives Fibteller a free pass for being on his side.
ETA: Oh; and now, not only did I supposedly "go berserk" on Ibby, but I'm apparently "batshit crazy" for giving Blur123 the benefit of the doubt for knowing the difference between personal bias and an excuse. More about that here.
Neo Bahamut wrote: This guy takes a strong stand against people lurking the board looking to attack things they disagree with, right? What's the over/under on him swatting Liespeaker for admitting exactly that?
Reminds me of certain person who hates LoK, but I'm not giving credit.
I never was under any impression that Ibby was at all sincere.
And on an only thematically related note: it appears that Kratosser and Shiturtle (if they're not sock-puppets of the same person) have both resurfaced to squall and martyrbate on dA about how they have been personally victimized by canon queer content. And then, there was this fuckswamp of WTFery and disinformation.
First, he was rambling about whether or not morality and religion are connected; it was so incoherent that I'm not entirely sure what his stance is, aside from that he concedes that there are moral atheists and immoral religious people and...thinks that using naughty words is tantamount to mugging someone, I guess? There's something about Star Wars in there somewhere.
Then, he randomly says that "Korrasami sucks" and that the only foreshadowing of it was "Korra blushing one time from a compliment from Asami, ONE TIME." He follows that up with a fairly gross misrepresentation of a multi-fandom scandal from a couple of years back (note that the person at the center of said scandal has made it clear that she's not comfortable with the narrative that he goes with regarding it). And then, he says something about fandoms being "false idols," takes a swipe at current political dissent in the U.S., and awkwardly wraps it up.
Neo Bahamut wrote: Yeah, but why blank out the name? Is she Lord Voldemort?
I'm guessing Parker doesn't want Flower Applefarm or her apologists coming here to harass people.
If I had to guess, I'd say it's the typical apologist position that "you can be good without god because god's laws are engraved on your heart as part of General Revelation."
General Revelation=Things that exist at all times which supposedly point to GAWD, like the supposed "laws of morality," or the beauty of sunsets.
Special Revelation=When people claim GAWD talked to them, unless they're the wrong religion.
The premise was more-or-less "any atheist/agnostic who's a good person is so because they're still following biblical values." So...basically?
And, apparently, toxic fanbases occur because people are worshipping false idols, not because of mob mentality, the internet anonymity factor, etc. I did think the random dig on Korrasami was funny, considering she'd previously described people who make similar statements on Star Wars as "immature children."
Who; the incoherent tartlet with the kaiju reference for a screen name? According to his main page, he's a guy. Also, I'm calling double standard on his part; it's all about what he likes vs. what he doesn't like, rather than taking things like rationale and motive into account.
The silly WoW fangirl/pegasister whose silly rant video we were snarking a while back, and of whom Parker was speaking even more evasively. (And who, by the way, may have potentially been the "she" to whom I was referring in a previous post; sorry for the confusion.) Rather than use her actual name, I called her "Flower Applefarm."
Followed your directions (I double-bracketed before) and it still didn't work, ah well. Thank you both for the link tip anyway and for the Vincent Adultman joke because I literally Googled trying to remember hearing the name and just ended up searching Totempole Trench.
What I find amusing is that he thought he was proving his maturity by announcing that he was taking a shot of 99 Bananas.
Let's put it this way: I once tasted some liqueur called "Veev" which was supposed to be açaí-berry flavored. It did not taste like açaí berries; it tasted like a mixture of simple syrup and acetone (or, rather, the way acetone smells; but you get my meaning).
The difference between that and 99 Bananas is that someone dissolved a banana Laffy Taffy in the acetone before adding it to the syrup. But it's painfully sweet and has a brightly-hued label, which would intrigue a teenager who was curious about alcohol. (As for anyone legally old enough to drink: either they'd have to be an abject drunk with nothing else available, their sense of taste would have to be mostly dead, or it'd have to be their twenty-first birthday after having been a good kid all of their life.)
No, it's one of a line of 99-proof schnapps flavors. They all taste like cheap candy and the scent of acetone.
As for that "black," I'm going to guess that it's squid ink, and they don't want to squick anyone out by admitting as much. That, or it's fulvic mineral compound (which is what they put in that black drinking water that's not worth it).
Someone totally tried to start an argument with me about how they're "bad writing" & the show is "shit overall" on the Bleach Subreddit. Fortunately one thing Reddit does right is having a block feature.
I mean, did something actually happen recently (as in, more recently than the latest Turf Wars or the figurine) to set them off? Or is this just them, characteristically, feeling weirdly entitled to never be reminded that it's canon and just randomly airing their grievances on that count?
Neo Bahamut wrote: Can't wait to see where he resurfaces to rehash the same tired bullshit.
I'd like to hope that he'll get a clue. I'm not going to bank on him getting a clue.
No shit....I mean I'm all for putting trolls in their place, but when a troll literally rehashes the same damn thing over and over and over.....I mean I suppose that's typical for trolls to an extent but Fanboy went overboard with it...
This is gonna be a long comment, so I'm going to break it into sections. Of course, I certainly know that awkward feeling of not getting a response. It seems I read up to Chapter 4, I just couldn't think of anything to say about the others. First, since you're here, it seems as good a place as any to give my responses to your responses to my comments:
Yea, the only drawback is when trolls come and bomb the 1/5, but yeah. I even voted myself some 4's or 3's cause I could have done those episodes better, or I just didn't like them.
I've decided to start implementing them to see if they can give me any useful information about how many people are reading & where their interests lie. I did think about voting myself, under the rationale that if even 1 person has already voted, it makes others more likely to respond. But I don't really like that idea, I feel I shouldn't be pre-biasing the polls.
I really like picturing choreographies, I take RWBY as a reference.
That wasn't really what I meant, though that too. What I meant was the general environment, details like the suit & the type of music, which make it feel as if you're in a certain place at a certain time. The zeitgeist, if you will.
That stuff said, well there are several things I like, but also a number of problems I have. I generally haven't been mentioning the problems, since it feels like "what's the point? The story's already done," but since you asked me what I think, I'll go into them in a bit.
Before that, the strong suit of the story is easily the characters. There are a lot of instances where I know "oh that's Kensi talking" or "that must be Bultina" before it's actually specified. Clearly, you have a strong grasp of their different personalities & motivations, & that comes out in the way you have them speak. And they're not just recognizable, but also likable.
I've also generally enjoyed the action scenes, the big ones I can think of being Hikar vs Kensi & Hikar vs Yurei. I can't undersell the brilliance of those scenes, they tell us so much about the characters without using words. Or at least what I got out of them is that Kensi is more tactical than Hikar, but also more easily distracted, while their bending is equivalent in power. And when Yurei fights Hikar, he shows cunning by cancelling out his airbending instead of trying to overpower him, while Hikar overexerts himself by trying to use more power than he's currently capable of. It seems to me this sets up character dynamics that could easily be explored through the rest of the arc.
Hikar's defeat also sets up his need to learn advanced techniques, which seems to be the theme of the story, & because we see him earn each subskill to beat an enemy he couldn't without it, it feels earned & thus gets around the problem that an Avatar with all the subskills could potentially seem overpowered. You also make great use of Hikar having multiple bending types, which allows for the writing of action that just can't be done with other characters.
The problems I have are mostly in grammar & diction. I saw in the comments that someone already mentioned using quotation marks instead of hyphens, which I agree with, but honestly I think that's a lot easier to adjust to than awkward phrasing. Take this section, for instance:
–Today, a new master has rose. – Said Yurei –I want to present you, a new master, who mastered one hundred airbending moves in just two months, the fastest record in history of the Air Nomads. – I didn't knew what was exactly going on, then, a hooded teenager came to the center of the stage, –Air Nomads, may I present you, THE RED NOMAD! – And some Air Nomads took the teenager's robes and showed a bald airbending girl, with red Air Nomad tattoos, and when she leaned her face up and opened her blue eyes, it was Aria.
A few things pop out to me here: "Rose" is the wrong verb tense, it should be "risen." Similar thing for knew/know. It's also redundant for him to say he's introducing a new master after he already mentioned there was a new master. Similarly, you could vary some terms, like refer to the Air Nomads as "assistants" (since we already know they would be Air Nomads from context) or just say it's a bald girl with a red arrow tattoo. The narrator is a different character from the speaker, generally you want to paragraph break every time you change which character the focus is placed on.
There are a few other things I've noticed separately from this passage. Word order & inclusion can be an issue, like how when Asami says "these years are sure making me difficult to remember," it should be "making it difficult for me to remember." You also tend to use a lot of the same descriptive words. For example, instead of saying that an object is "big," sometimes you could refer to it as humongous, gargantuan, gigantic, etc. Especially if it's supposed to be something really dramatic, like a huge boulder you're supposed to wonder how the character could possibly dodge. Similarly, you don't need to use airbend, firebend, etc. as a verb. In my fight scenes, I say things like "Keter shot a jet of flame from her fist" or "Euryale hurled a boulder with an overhand strike."
It's also pretty odd when characters break out into exposition about something barely related to what they're talking about, especially when it should be something they already know, & therefore don't need to explain to each other. For example, when Iruka & Janji are talking about getting married, that's not really a conversation that makes sense for them to have. If they're about to marry, they should've been together for a while, which means that things like Asami being bisexual should have already come up. The purpose seems to be to inform the audience, but in that case, you can just tell us that they're both men, & when they say they're getting married, we'll get the idea. Also, this last complaint is comparatively minor, but when it comes to ALL CAPS YELLING, I'd argue that should be rare. En exclamation point already shows that the characters are yelling, ALL CAPS would signify that they're really, REALLY upset.
So, you see, my dilemma is that I really like the heart of the story (characters, conflict, etc.), but I'm having a lot of trouble with the mechanics (grammar, diction). Problems in the latter can really cripple my ability to enjoy the former, kind of like a steak that tastes good but is too tough to chew.
That's why I always copy replies before I send them.
1. I find characters come to me pretty easily, but settings are much harder, hence why I tend to write in pre-established worlds. One of life's great mysteries, I suppose.
2. So I was on the money. Yeah, I think you should be proud of that scene. A lot of people struggle having fight scenes that genuinely advance the story or characters, rather than just feeling like the writer said "it's been a few chapters, time to tack on a fight scene so the readers don't get bored."
3. Personally, if I were you, I'd do Book 2 using quotation marks.
4. It seems to be more an issue in the narrative rather than the dialogue, oddly enough. But I'd generally expect a casual speaker to do something like pronounce "probably" as "prob'ly," not so much for it to affect word order.
5. It's just, we get that message from exclamations & phrases like "he roared" or "he shouted." The problem is that, if that's the baseline, there's not really much higher to go when characters are even madder than usual. If it feels right, it's not really a deal-breaker, but I think it's more effective when used sparingly.
6. Yeah, but you want to avoid infodumps or unnatural dialogue. I generally find that exposition isn't too much of a concern, the major plot points tend to be hit at least once by the time they're important just as a matter of course. If nothing else, I'd say if you really, really feel it necessary to make a tangent on something a character is unlikely to mention, to put it in narration instead of dialogue. E.g., if I'd been thinking ahead when I wrote "Ascension," I would've done the following:
"Now, that's rude," Senthose tutted, tightening his grip slightly and eliciting choked screams from his numerous enemies, "What do you have to say for yourself?" What those idiots didn't know is that it's easier to bloodbend people if they're moving around like a herd. If they'd all come at him with different attacks, he probably wouldn't have been able to control this many of them.
7. I am a bit curious if you intend to do like a Book 3: Flight & a Book 4: Plant, or something to that effect.
About the second one. I don't think it would feel the same way as Book One. I enjoy writing fights the most actually. And there are chapters that have pretty intense fight scenes.
Oh boy, I can't wait for your expresion when I hit Book Three and what I have planned of it so far. Because, let me say that for starters, you're wrong XD. Books Three and Four will be named: I******y & U*****n
My favourtie Chapter to write was Chapter 7: The Blue Delta, but I think the best one is a tie between Chapter 11: End of the Past, and Chapter 12: Cold Air.
You're one of the best writers this wiki has currently active, and I need your help in writing an especific chapter from my (in)famous fanfiction "Hikar's Spiritual Chronicles"
I am aware you haven't read it, and I'm not asking you to do so, but I need your help writing a future chapter called "Kensi Alone", in which it depics how my character Kensi goes through the first phase of PTSD recovery.
Before you caontinue, be warned there might be heavy spoilers from the story.
The context is, Kensi…killed one the main villains of Book One, with his by-then-unlocked bloodbending. I don't want to get into details how, but trust me it was disgusting and very traumatizing for Kensi. So now Kensi has kind of a trauma with his own waterbending, and I wanted to hear which would be your tips on how to depict that?
Firstly, thank you for that flattering description. I'm still planning to start reading--have it bookmarked & everything--I just move at a certain pace. I've done a few PTSD arcs, & the first thing I'd say is there are varying ways it can manifest, & it's doubtful you can hit all those beats, so you should pick the ones you think are most important.
Fear of situations that remind one of the event is a pretty big one, so Kensei might avoid those situations, or have flashbacks where he lashes out, as he thinks he's still in that fight. He might be reluctant to use his waterbending, especially bloodbending, because it triggers bad memories. He might also have trouble controlling it--it might be too weak when he needs it to be strong, or too wild when he needs to control it--& certain people (especially foes) might remind him of the person he killed, making him either afraid or angry. But not just that, he might avoid friends, get irritable with them, do things that are impulsive & dangerous, experience bouts of uncontrolled fear or depression....
A lot also depends on his particular personality, though personality traits can also change due to the trauma. For instance, Euryale's responses to trauma are usually characterized by avoidance & depression, while Thiera's typically involve rage & emptiness. You could think of it as a backlash against their usual selves, which they blame for making them so vulnerable in the first place. Of course, the symptoms also might change as they go along, for instance Thiera's emptiness usually comes after her anger is mostly resolved. You can also look at sites like WebMD for further inspiration. There's also some evidence that feelings of revenge might be more common, but that's scant & inconclusive.
In terms of recovery, I'd say ideally it should be a long & difficult road. In one RP I was doing, Euryale was in therapy even a year after the initial events. Even this is technically pretty short, as according to this interview, the median length of recovery is usually 3-5 years, & even longer if symptoms have gone on for months without treatment. The guy interviewed seems to be an expert in the subject, so I'm gonna take his word for it.
That said, before I go on, I'm going to point out that sometimes the pacing needs of a story require resolving long, complicated problems quicker than they strictly should in reality. The actual canon Legend of Korra is a good example of this, Korra probably should've gone through a lot more therapy, but we the audience understand she's been working on it & Book 4 just can't be put on hold for 5 years while Korra undergoes therapy. So it becomes a balancing act, a question of how much you want to stretch the conflict before you can't do it without sacrificing quality in other areas.
Getting back on track, treatment tends to involve a lot of therapies that confront the person's feelings, why they feel that way, & sort of "train" them into recognizing that the danger is passed. Over time, symptoms become less severe. Like with most psychological illnesses, it may or may not ever go away entirely. There is some evidence of medication being effective, so I'd say you could have Healing treat some things, but it probably shouldn't be the focus. If the character has a spiritual arc, you could tie it in with that, & much like his powerz, he should probably have difficulty with this & improve as his symptoms do.
Loved ones are very important in this process, but it can also be a source of difficulty for them. They might be hurt from being lashed out against, avoided, or actually physically injured during a PTSD flashback, which may make them reluctant to help even if they want to. So how it changes his relationships with others should probably be a big focus.
Oh, & I guess you could also go the opposite direction, make it a tragedy where they don't recover. You seemed to indicate that wasn't your intention, so I won't spend too much time on it, but basically I'd say just flip around everything I suggested. Have them either refuse therapy or it doesn't work, drive away their loved ones, give in to their destructive impulses, etc. Then, at the end, tie this into whatever moral you're going for, War is Hell, Don't Do Bloodbending, etc. Actually, that last part kind of goes for the positive portrayal too, this is still a character arc, & they should probably learn something from it. Thiera tends to learn that she doesn't want revenge, Euryale that she's not a bad person because she sometimes has to do things she doesn't want to protect people, & both learn about the value of f~r~i~e~n~d~s~h~i~p.
I think that's pretty much everything I can think of. Of course, you can also look at other people's research or personal accounts for ideas. But I think it mostly comes down to what symptoms you want them to have, how you want these problems to serve as obstacles for them in the story, how it affects their relationships with other characters & how those relationships in turn affect them, where you want them to end up, & when you want it to happen. If you want to get really technical, I'd say you should give each of these plot points an average of 3 story beats, maybe a little more if you plan on stretching this out over multiple books. But the Rule of 3 is good for most plot points, it tends to make people feel like the thing was built up, but didn't drag on for too long.
Overall, just have as much fun as you can writing such a dreary topic, & make something you feel proud of. Hopefully that advice helps, & I didn't just waffle on about nothing for going on 10 paragraphs. I look forward to seeing whatever you come up with.
Thank you VERY MUCH. Now that I plan Kensi's arc (not KENSEI, jeez that made my eyes hurt XD) I realized it would be like a very short time to recover and that is very unrealisitc, so that's going to help me tie in to the next chapters of Book Two and luckily, if I have time, on Book Three, so no need to fully recover, that's one thing I have to take in account, thanks for that. ;)
Kensi was (before the incident, he's not dead, don't worry) the typical guys you'd like to hang out, an optimistic guy, pretty gifted at waterbending, and has one of the best bromances with Hikar since little kids. He used to tend to crack a joke every now and then, and now he struggles to get back to it, but nothing.
I already sorte out how he would feel towrds Hikar and his girlfriend (who's now injured in the spine because of the same villain), and thus was the title "Kensi ALONE".
So is his girlfriend :).
To be fair, I did them atractive on purpose, but not for the fanservice (I keep the story por a PG audience, though there are some horny jokes sometimes like "Bully, Tao, stop making noise, we can hear you from the other side." XD)
Did I mention that Kensi's accidental killing (cause it was partially accidental and intended at the same time) is the most brutal thing from the whole series? I won't get darker than that, though there WILL BE more deaths.
I do tasteful fade to blacks, & I think the most brutal thing in RCR is an implied decapitation. In terms of things that are actually shown, there's a lovely hallucination of a mummy leaking rotting goop from his orifices, so that's nice.
Nah, I've got my own system. I keep things bookmarked & binge read them whenever I have the time, as opposed to reading each chapter when they come out. Gonna get back to that after I've caught up on my webcomics.
I suppose I could do that when I get there, but you might not want me to. Mainly because I don't have knowledge of the long-term story plan, so I might emphasize things which aren't important, & not emphasize things which are.
Doesn't matter, I don't have a million followers in the story, so I can notify them easily and different to each one. For example, in your case, I could notify you whenever I finish a Book, or wouldn't notify you at all. It's a bit for knowing how many people are reading the story.
That's my exact same problem. I don't know what to emphasise the most while writing summaries in general and that one of my big problems. If you remember the recaps on Korra, I would suggest to read the first parragraphs of the chapter to know what to recap in the summary, that's what I think.
I was wondering if you would be keen in answering a question about your fanon main character's love life for the upcoming BSST issue? This time we're asking "What is your main character's idea of a perfect date?" Since it's valentines and all :P
If you have time, send in maybe 3-4 sentences to my email, email@example.com. We'd probably need them in before the 14th of Feburary if possible. :) But if you need more time to think about it let us know.
I decided to go the latter route, to be more inclusive. Figured I'd let you know here that I sent the E-mail, in case Yahoo decides to be Yahoo & not deliver it. Also to say, "Thanks for including me."
Edit: Derp, should probably mention that my E-mail is "firstname.lastname@example.org."
Weird, Wikia never notified me about getting this message. My board is down to me & 2 other people who barely post, & I don't think either of them joined the LoK RP when it was around. So, I don't think I can help much, sorry.