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"Why don't you at least try to hide the fact that you love me? Why make it so blatantly obvious?" Vulpus had said to me just a few moments after we had met.
"I don't know what love is, or if it's even real, I... I just don't know what to say." I stumbled with my words as he grabbed my hand. "Stop, you're going against my vows."
"You don't even believe in any of that, it's obvious." Vulpus said as he pressed his face against mine and kissed me until my mouth had more of his saliva in it than my own.
...Have you ever had a feeling as though there is no way to redeem yourself? As though taking your life is the only way to get the last laugh?
It's as though everything I had said to him was obliterated into an obsessive fairy-tale book that no one reads!
In fact, nothing would ever again express the emotional recovery I needed.
Yet, everything was exploring my hopes for a variety of traumatizing coincidences.
Just one coincidence was all I needed to redeem everything I had lost.
I had made it impossible for anyone to pronounce the exact reason I didn't enjoy living.
The elderly Airbending masters instructed me to look deep into the sky above me, but I never saw anything.
I think I heard something though, but that's besides the point.
And then they would listen closely to the Earth, and tell me that I'd hear something.
I, of course, didn't hear anything.
My eyes were filled with their wonderful artwork during my stay.
And my ears indulged in the tranquil sounds of the throat singing choirs.
Every day my tongue was nourished with water, and my body nestled in a cocoon of satin every night.
Everything was too overwhelming.
I had to escape the prison of normality around me, or I'd end it all before my next period.
My peers would constantly complain about my lack of allure.
Suicidal and overwhelmed; these were the feelings I had long tried to hold-off.
I wanted to liberate my body with provocative materials and found none what-so-ever.
The deepest pit of my nervous system was jammed with a sense of lust.
All I wanted was to just let go of everything.
I was young and so inviolable, my expectations roared with the possibilities of my impending destiny.
I overreacted to even the slightest misfortune and misinterpreted every work of literature I happened to browse over.
As I was force-fed dogma by my techers, I forced myself to vomit it back in their faces.
I have no name or label, besides Mer, and my origin was lost forever in a nebula of memories that I have chosen to forget.
Even if I tried to imagine everything around me, how could I absorb even a second of this privilege acknowledged by so many as freedom?
I experienced the trauma that I wished for and was met with disappointment as the outcome of my future ensued.
I learned that the world that surrounded me was not lead by logic, but fear.
When love finally came to me, I succumbed to my lowest instinct and hid myself. And here I am now, hiding from the only person who could ever love me.
We had embraced each other for years, united our bosoms with the most enticing acts of exploration, exploring my cores, my lore, and my darkest secrets.
But innovation came with consequences; my encounter with Vulpus led to my suspension from an exclusive Airbending school in the west.
The mockery and humiliation involved with my presence at that school was barely tolerable.
(End of Chapter One) Continue to Chater 2?
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