|By Jeff The Hippie||Genre||Rating||Reviews||Updates|
|More from Jeff The Hippie|| Comedy
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|"War is idiotic and barbaric. While some of the time war can be justified, most war is pointless and could be stopped with words instead of weapons."|
Aang on the topic of war to Sokka
|The Dude in the Iceberg|
My editor would like to go unmentioned
September 17, 2011
Our story begins on an especially cold day in the Southern Water Tribe with our new friends Sokka and Katara. They're brother and sister, but they don't always get along well because Sokka is a "warrior" and believes that his sister's bending is unimportant. Katara however believes that bending is important to their culture. It's even more special to her once you factor in that she's the only Waterbender in her tribe. Anyway, our story picks up right in the middle of another glorious war of words between the two that came about while they were fishing... Or may be they were just on the little boat for fun and some fish simply came about along the way and they decided to catch some. It was never actually explained what they were doing, so take your pick.
"You call that left?" asked Katara after Sokka slammed their boat into an iceberg, thereby breaking it.
"You don't like my steering," said Sokka. "Maybe you should have Waterbended us out of the ice."
"So it's my fault?"
"I knew I should have left you home. Leave it to a girl to screw things up."
Katara stared at him angrily for a few seconds.
"You are the most sexist, immature, nut-brained,... Er, I'm embarrassed to be related to you!"
It was at that point that Sokka noticed that Katara, while waving her arms around in rage, was cutting a gargantuan iceberg right behind her back without her knowledge.
"Ever since mom died I've had to do all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!"
"Uh... Katara-" he said, trying to tell her about the iceberg.
"I even wash all the clothes! Have you ever smelled your dirty socks? Let me tell you; not pleasant!"
"Katara, settle down!"
"No, that's it. I'm done helping you. From now on, you're on your own!"
Finally she noticed, but it was too late. The iceberg split in half and both sank, making gigantic waves that pushed the iceberg that they were on way back.
"Wait, so I did that?" she asked.
Just when they thought the madness had ceased, an iceberg floated up right in front of them with a living thing inside. Katara grabbed Sokka's club weapon thing and began beating on the iceberg.
"Katara, get back here!" called Sokka as he chased after her. "We don't know what that thing is!"
Suddenly, she hit it and the entire thing came down leaving nothing but a blue light shining in the sky.
Meanwhile, on a Fire Nation ship not so far away...
"Finally," said a young teen with a burn mark on his face. "Uncle, do you know what this means?!"
His uncle just looked away. He knew what was coming.
"My search is about to end. That light came from an incredibly powerful source. It has to be him!"
"Ugh," his uncle moaned. "It's just the celestial light, Prince Zuko. What makes you think it's the Avatar?"
"Uncle, I've been at sea for two years. I'll take anything at this point."
"I just don't want you getting excited over nothing. Please, have some tea."
"I don't need your tea!" Zuko barked at his uncle as fire jumped from his mouth. "Set a course for the light!:
And back to Katara and Sokka...
"Stop!" yelled Sokka as the person stood up.
He was blue, but not from the cold. He looked about twelve, but was the same height as Sokka. He was black and had a giant afro. He wore a leather jacket, a black T-shirt, blue jeans, a belt, and sneakers.
Then he fell over.
"Hey, are you okay?" asked Katara.
Sokka just stared with his spear pointed at him.
"What the... Who are you people?" he asked softly.
"I'm Katara and that's my brother Sokka. We're siblings and live in the Southern Water Tribe. I'm the o-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said as he stood up. "That's great, but I didn't ask for your life story. Name's Aang."
He extended a hand to help Katara up, but Sokka wouldn't allow it.
"Wait a second," said Sokka, still pointing the spear. "Don't think we'll just trust you. First tell us why you were doing in the ice!"
"Because you touch yourself at night, dummy," replied Aang.
Katara laughed, but Sokka wasn't amused.
"Ha-ha-ha," Sokka laughed sarcastically. "Now spit it out."
Aang shrugged. "I dunno. I guess my brain's still frozen."
"You mean you have amnesia?" asked Katara.
"Yeah, I guess that would be the less interesting way to say it."
There was a short pause.
"Hey, SocK Man, or whatever your name is," Aang said. "Wanna see something funny?"
"No, and it's Sokka."
"Whatever. I just though you would- Sock Man, behind you! It's a thing!"
Sokka spun around to confront the thing and Aang took the spear from his hands and snapped it in two.
"Whatever. I can fix it." he replied.
"Good luck finding it." Aang said as he the pointy end into the ocean.
"Here. You can have the not pointy part." Aang said. Katara laughed.
"Thanks," said Sokka angrily.
It was then that they heard a loud growl.
"What was that?!" asked Sokka with half of his spear ready to battle with.
"Come over here and I'll show you," said Aang, walking away and fixing his hair with his pick.
Both siblings gasped. "A giant bison?!" yelled Katara.
"Giant flying bison," replied Aang. "Don't forget the flying part."
"Right," said Sokka. "And this is my flying sister.
Aang stared at Sokka for a moment. "Yo, Socko's Modern Life, this belt ain't here to hold my pants up. One more crack like that and I'm gonna go all Michael Jackson's dad on your ass. Got it?"
"Who are you talking about?" asked Sokka.
Aang thought for a moment. "Never mind."
There was a short pause after that.
"And it's Sokka!"
Aang squinted at him and undid his belt. "The belt has been undone," he said. "Don't make me take it off."
Sokka was really angry now. "Screw it. I'm done. Katara, we're leaving."
"Okay, man," said Aang. "Enjoy your swim."
Sokka began kicking the snow.
"I'm sure Aang will give you a ride if you ask nicely."
Sokka said something quietly.
"What was that?" asked Katara.
He said it again, this time a little louder.
"Just gimme a ride!" yelled Sokka as he jumped on Appa's back.
"Oh, yes sir massa Sokka!" said Aang in a stereotypical black slave voice. "Aang be a good nigga now. Aang be good nigga to massa Sokka now! Aang do whatever massa Sokka say!"
"What?" asked Sokka.
"It's a black thing," Aang thought for a moment. "I guess."
"So, how does he fly?" asked Katara.
"Ya gotta say the words he was taught to fly to, otherwise he won't move an inch. Of course, he also has to trust you too."
"What are the words?"
Aang cleared his throat. "Go, nigga, go!"
Appa jumped high, and then fell in the water.
"Wow," said Sokka as he sarcastically clapped his hands. "That was some fantastic flying right there."
"Okay, that's it. The belt's comin' off."
Meanwhile, on Zuko's ship...
"Prince Zuko, I'm going to bed," said his uncle. "I suggest you do the same."
He was silent.
"Okay, let's pretend it is the Avatar. You won't catch him! Your father, his father, and his father all failed."
"Well, uncle Iroh, their honor didn't hinge on his capture. His 100 years of hiding are over."
Back to our friends on the giant flying bison
"Quit whining," said Aang as he put his belt back on. "You're supposed to be a warrior, aren't you?"
"Yeah, but that really hurt," said Sokka.
"You're lucky. I would've hit you harder if your sister wasn't here."
"Whatever. I still don't trust you. What are you hiding under all that hair?"
"Look, I told you already. I'm a good guy. Your sister figured it out, so why can't you? I'm not hiding anything." He looked up at the moon. "Anyway, it's getting late. We should all rest now." Then he pointed at Sokka. "And if I wake up with you rooting through my afro we'll have a serious problem."
Insert transitional phrase here...
"Ah... Ah! What? Is Appa on fire?!" Aang yelled as he leaped from his sleeping bag.
"Ha-ha, no," said Katara. "It's morning. Come on, everyone wants to meet you."
"Oh, far out," he replied. Then he was silent. "My afro is kinda messed up. Do you know where any Afro Sheen might be?"
"Yeah, I figured you'd say that. Thanks anyway."
They exited the tent, and Aang was carrying something.
"Aang, this is the entire village. Entire village, Aang."
They all stared.
"Yo," he said as he flashed the peace sign and started fixing his hair.
"What are you doing with your hand?" asked one.
"What's up with your clothes?" asked another.
"How'd your skin get like that?" asked a third.
"Ehem," he began. "The answer to all your questions, in order is... Yo mamas."
He tried to walk away, but an old woman ran up to him. "How did you get in that iceberg?" she asked.
"Aang, this is my gran-gran," said Katara.
"Oh, cool," he said. He shook her hand. "Anyway, I can't remember."
"What is this, a weapon?" asked Sokka, seemingly coming from nowhere. "You can't stab anything with this!
"I dunno what it is, but I'm sure it can be used as one like so..." Aang pointed at the sky. "Look out, dummy! Another thing!"
Sokka looked and Aang hit him in the back of the knees, making him fall on his back. "I hate you," he said, looking up at Aang from the snow.
"Could someone take this back to my tent for me?" Aang asked. After about five seconds a kid came up and took it from him without making eye contact. "Thanks," he said. The kid didn't say anything.
"So, where are the niggas?" They just stared at him. "Uh, the brothas?" Still no response. He face-palmed. "Ugh. The black dudes!"
"Oh, there are none," said gran-gran.
"You must be joking."
He turned to Katara. "I can see that your tribe is anything but culturally diverse."
"Sokka, I thought you were teaching the children to be warriors," said Katara.
"I am. They're taking a bathroom break." he replied.
"Are you sure about that?" she asked smugly as she pointed to the children gathered around Aang. Needless to say, Sokka was steaming mad.
"Everyone back over here now!" he shouted as he pointed to the ground around him. They did.
"What did he tell you?"
"He said that war is just a crap throwing competition and everyone heading the war is a smelly ape," said one.
"And that whoever has the most crap wins, but in the end, you just get a bunch of crap covered apes in a disgusting, crap filled cage. Also, that it's pointless because in the end, the apes still have to share that cage and that life will go on, but the smell will be there forever. He says it would be better if those apes could just talk it over without all the crap, but they can't, because they're stupid apes, and that we should try to talk things over because we're intelligent human beings."
Sokka ran over to Aang. "Why must you make my life difficult?" he asked Aang.
"It's true," said Aang. War is idiotic and barbaric. While some of the time war can be justified, most war is pointless and could be stopped with words instead of weapons."
"Just... Stay out of my business!" Sokka said.
"Come on, Aang. Let's walk," said Katara.
"Sounds good," he said as he caught up to her. "The air's gettin' kinda stale over here anyway."
"I'm sorry about my brother. He's just kind of paranoid about the war."
"Excuse me. Did you just say 'war'?" he asked.
"Yeah." she responded. He just stared at her as if she had just said Lil Wayne was a good rapper.
"Fire Nation? 100 year war?"
Aang thought. "Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. Must be part of the amnesia."
"Yeah, it must be," said Katara. "Still, you'd think it would trigger some memories."
They were quiet for a bit.
"So, I guess you've got a ton of powerful benders here?" he asked.
"Nope. Just me."
"Far out. I guess that means you taught yourself?"
"Damn, that's hardcore."
She began to blush.
"Woah!" he exclaimed as he came to a giant cliff.
"The kids use it for penguin sledding." she explained.
Aang thought for a moment. "You ever considered going down without a penguin?"
"Of course not! That'd be suicide."
"And what's your point?" he asked. "After death there is no suffering. No pain, no sadness. Frankly, I'm surprised more people don't off themselves. Especially with this long ass war. Besides, there's no point in living to be 120 if you do it by staying in your bubbled-wrapped house.
Next thing she knew she was sledding down without a penguin. They got to the bottom and Katara's fun quickly ended.
"What's up with the ship?" he asked.
"Just bad memories."
They were quiet for about thirty seconds.
"Okay, let's go in."
"No Aang, we can't."
He looked at her and the ship. "Why not? The door's right there."
"We're not allowed."
"Correction; you're not allowed. It's your choice if you have fun or not."
"You're not afraid?"
"Of course not. I'm a black man living in a white man's world. The only thing I've gotta be afraid of is the reincarnation of Ronald Reagan, and I don't think that'll happen any time soon."
"Who?" she asked.
Aang thought for a moment. "Never mind."
Then they were inside.
"It's freezing in here," said Aang.
"It's not that cold."
"Easy for you to say. You live here. My people work easier with the sun."
Then they were silent.
"Do you ever smile?" she asked.
"Only when I'm happy."
"Aang, I think we should leave. It's really creepy in here."
"So what if it's creepy in here? Michael Jackson was creepy and people still trusted their kids with him."
"Who?" she asked.
He thought for a moment. "Never mind."
Then the door slammed behind them.
"We're trapped!" Katara yelled.
"No we're not!"
He grabbed her and crouched under a hole in the roof.
"You can't jump all the way up there!"
"I gotta try!"
He did it with ease.
"How'd you do that?!" she asked.
"I'll explain later!" he said. "But for now, we run!"
Back to Zuko...
"That person..." said Zuko. "Wake my uncle. I've found the Avatar!"
- I got the idea to make this because when I was first watching this show I always noticed that there were hardly any (if there were any) black people in the show.
- I was originally going to make Aang white in this story since the real Aang is clearly Asian, but then I found out about the giant debate over whether he was white or Asian, so I just made him black since no one was debating that.
- It gets extremely annoying to do the parts with Zuko, as they remain almost completely unchanged because Aang isn't always in contact with he and his crew.
- I hate Lil Wayne.
- I write the entire story out on paper before posting it.
- The "massa Sokka" thing is a reference to Roots.
- When Aang uses improper English (things like I ain't, I be, etc.) it usually means he's either being sarcastic or just playing into a stereotype.
- I'm not racist, I swear!
For the collective works of the author, go here.