Jeff The Hippie
Chapter information

Avatar: The Last Black Dude





Written by

Jeff The Hippie

Release date

September 24, 2011

Last chapter

The Dude in the Iceberg

Next chapter

MTV Cribs: Air Nomad Edition!

Aang and Katara ran back to the camp as fast as possible. Or at least Aang did. He was holding her hand as they sped away from the ship, so she was more like dead weight.

"Aang!" she yelled once he finally slowed down. "You didn't have to move that fast! You were practically dragging me through the snow."

"Well my bad," he said as he began to fix his afro. " But when black people see something bad start to go down, we don't tend to stick around and watch."

"Why not?"

"Because we know we'll get blamed for it." They walked on.

"You really were moving fast back there." she stated.

"Good observation, Watson. And?"

"How'd you do it? ...And who's Watson?"

"It was from the excess blood flow due to my..."


"No!" he exclaimed defensively. "Uh, no. Excitement. It got my heart pumping a lot of blood. It's been shown that when someone's life is in danger, their or the person's around them based on their feelings could initiate their survival instincts and make them run very fast for a vast amount of time or hold your breath for far longer periods of time than usual. Plus, I'm black. We have a tendency to be able to run pretty well." he thought for a moment. "And I don't know who he is."

They finally made it back to camp.

"I knew it!" shouted Sokka. "You signaled the Fire Navy with that flare!"

"Wow," said Aang in astonishment. "Not even a 'Hello, Aang. Thanks for saving my sister's life.'?"

"You're leading them straight to us!"

"Okay, first of all, leading them straight to you? How? Do they not own maps in the entire Fire Nation? They got here before. Did they burn all their maps one day when they got bored? Secondly, why would they have a trap installed in the room that they keep several weapons in? Did they put it there as a prank for the new guys? And even then, why would the trip wire connected to the flare be there? It serves no purpose! If they ever needed to send a flare, why would it be installed in some random room? And why would it be hidden? It makes no sense! Why would they ever need that there? How was I supposed to expect the Fire Nation to be stupid enough to put a flare in the middle of nowhere for no reason?!"

Sokka was silent for a few seconds. "Uh, uh, um... Uh, wh-whatever! Warriors, away from the enemy! He's banished from our tribe!"

"Sokka, you're making a mistake!" said Katara.

"Yeah!" said Aang. "For instance, if for some reason the Fire Nation does come here, I'll beat those losers harder than rappers beat the English language."

"What?" asked Sokka.

Aang thought for a moment. "Never mind."

"Don't you understand?" argued Katara. "Aang has so much to offer us."

"You mean like getting us killed?!"

"No," Aang said. "Like a black person here for once... At least until you do what I assume you did to the rest of the black folks and put on your bed sheets and chase me out."

Sokka had stopped listening to Aang at this point. "I'm just trying to protect you!"

"From brothas?" asked Aang.

Sokka, blood boiling, turned to Aang. "I said I want you outta here!"

Aang walked up to him. "Ya know what? I will go. But don't think for a second that it's because you're intimidating or that you've scared me into leaving. I'm leaving because I'm tired of your attitude. I save your life and you act like an ass. I save your sister's life and you still act like an ass. Frankly, I'm done. I hope you burn to ashes."

Sokka stared him straight in they eye. "Get out." Aang packed up and did just that.

"Stop here," he said to Appa. He pulled his harmonica out of a bag and played it for a bit on the iceberg. "And here come the ships," he said to himself. He fell silent for about a minute, then went back to playing.

Back with the tribe...

"Get ready, warriors," said Sokka. "Firebenders will be here soon!"

"But I don't wanna be covered in ape poop!" shouted one kid.

Sokka stared at him. "Just get to work!"

Back to Aang...

"Man, fuck those glacier people!" he yelled loudly. "All I did was help them, and they kick me out? What the Hell is that about?!" He quickly realized how angry he was getting, sat down, and meditated. After a few minutes of that he got up. "Appa, wait here."

Back to the tribe...

The ship landed, and out poured several Fire Nation dudes.

"Where are you hiding him?" Zuko asked.

"Hiding who?" asked Sokka.

"Don't answer my question with another question!" barked Zuko with fire coming out from his mouth. "Now tell me where you're hiding him!"

"We already told you that we-" Zuko punched him in the face.

Zuko peered over him with an evil smirk. "Last chance," he said.

"We don't-" Zuko drew back his fist, ready to blast him with fire.

WHACK! Aang hit Zuko on the head with his glider. Lucky for Zuko, he was wearing his helmet, so it only hurt half as much as it should have.

"Aang!" yelled Katara.

Zuko fell to his knees, but got up quickly. He shot fire at him, but Aang dodged it just in time. Suddenly, Aang was surrounded. It was six on one.

"Get him!" exclaimed Zuko. "Get the Avatar!"

"Trust me, you guys do not want to do what you're planning on doing."

All six shot gigantic fire blasts at him, but he blew it right back at them.

"Everyone back off!" ordered Zuko. They obeyed.

He shot what must have been a thousand fire-balls and fire blasts at him, but Aang dodged and deflected them all.

"You'll have to strike me sometime, Avatar," said Zuko.

"No I won't," he replied. "Eventually you'll just get frustrated and go masturbate away your sadness like a good little emo kid."

Zuko was clearly furious and shot more fire-balls at him. "Come on, Avatar!" he yelled. "Strike me!" He then shot a fire-ball at him that sent him flying and burned his knuckles.

"Ah!" shouted Aang. "Ya know, the way you keep begging me to strike you kinda makes me wonder about you, man. Ya know, not that I judge."

"What are you trying to say?!"

"It's okay, man. There are plenty of people who are into that just like you."

"You shut your trap, you dirty child!" screamed Zuko. "Eat fire, Avatar!"

"Why do you keep calling me that?" asked Aang.

Zuko ran at him and shot a fire-ball at him that he barely dodged.

"Keep running! You've become a pro at it."

"Is that a black joke?"

Zuko blasted him with a barrage of fire-balls for what felt like hours.

"Stop acting dumb!" ordered Zuko.

"I'm not acting!" he responded. He thought for a few seconds. "And I'm not dumb!"

Zuko blasted him with fire, this time burning his hands.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" he wailed. "That's it!" He ran up to Zuko, dodging everything he threw at him. He finally reached him, slid under his legs, and hit him in both shoulders, the neck, the shoulders, and both knees with his glider. After knocking Zuko off his feet, Aang used Airbending and blew him several feet away, dragging him through the snow.

"Damn you, Avatar!" he said as he blasted him with multiple fire-balls.

"Go cry, emo kid," he said as he dodged him.

Zuko's blood was boiling. "You're just lucky I don't want to kill you!"

"By the way," said Aang. "I love your ponytail. Did yo mama teach ya how to make it so pretty?"

Zuko was clearly letting his anger get the better of him at this point, because none of his fire-balls came anywhere near Aang.

"Nice moves, too," said Aang. "Did yo mama teach ya how to dance so good?"

"I will kill you, Avatar!" he yelled.

"Go for it, honky-tonk!" said Aang.

Then something was triggered in his mind.

"Hmm... Avatar. Is that, like, a racial slur? It rings a bell, but then again, so does Nixon, and I've never even met him. In fact, all I get about him is phrases like 'The Vietnam War was pointless' and 'The war on drugs is pointless' and stuff like that." Then it hit him harder than when yo mama tackled that freight train. "I'm the Avatar!" he whispered.

"Sir, we caught the girl," said one of the Firebenders.

Aang turned to see three of them holding her still.

"It would be a shame if anything were to happen to her," said Zuko as he turned to Aang. "Wouldn't it?"

Aang closed his eyes. "I see what you're getting at. I'll go with you."

"Throw over your staff." ordered Zuko. Aang did, but he threw it hard enough to knock over Zuko.

"My bad," he said.

"You don't have to do this!" yelled Katara.

"I do," said Aang. "I'm the Avatar."

Then the door closed and the ship left.

"I say good riddance," said Sokka.

"What?!" screeched Katara. "He's saved us several times in the last 24 hours and you say 'Good riddance'?!"

"Katara, he just got finished nearly melting the entire South Pole!"

"Yeah, while saving your life! He was right. You are ungrateful!"

Meanwhile, on Zuko's ship...

"This staff will make an excellent gift for my father..." Zuko said. He turned to Aang. "I suppose you wouldn't know of fathers, being raised by monks."

"I also wouldn't know of daddy issues." he replied.

"Wh-what?!" yelled Zuko.

"Pfft. Face it, man. You got worse daddy issues than Austin Powers."

"Who?" Zuko asked.

Aand thought for a moment. "Never mind."

Zuko was clearly angry. "Take him down to the prison hold." The two did.

"You guys gotta admit though," he said. "That was so badass, the way I said 'I'm the Avatar' back there."

"Be quiet," said one guard.

"I mean, my timing was right, my voice was just loud enough, I-"

"He said be quiet!" said the other guard.

"Ooh," said Aang. "Generic guard numero dos got some bass in his voice."

"You seem awful happy for someone being thrown in the prison hold."

Aang thought for a moment. "Oh, I see what you're doing. Ya'll think I'm gonna be your slave!"

"What?" asked guard one.

"Ya'll gonna maybe line me up on my back with about 500 other niggas shoulder to shoulder? Make me and my brothas do your dirty work?"

"It's not a bad idea," said guard two.

"Maybe sell me to a Firebender? Well it ain't goin' down that way! Homey don't play dat!" Then he started singing in a deep, bellowing voice. "No more auction block for me-"

"It's the prison hold, not slave barracks!" said guard one.

"Yeah," said guard two. "We removed those years ago."

Aang thought for a moment. "Even better. Ya'll imprisoning another innocent brotha! What'd I do? What was my crime?! I demand a lawyer! I plead the fifth!"

Both guards moaned as he began to sing again. "I'm breakin' rocks in the hot sun. I fought the law and the law won. I fought the law and the law won."

"Where the Hell did you learn those songs?" asked guard one.

He thought for a moment. "I dunno."

Once the guard opened the door he slid under the legs of the one behind him, forced them in and locked the door.

Meanwhile, at the Water Tribe...

"Katara!" Sokka yelled.

"I'm talking to you." she responded.

"But I-" "

I said I'm not talking to you!"





"But I-"


"I wanna help Aang!" he finally blurted out.

Katara was shocked. "Then let's get to work," she said.

And back to Zuko's ship...

Aang ran to the deck of the ship.

"Stop prisoner!" exclaimed one of the crew members. He threw a spear and Aang turned to run, but the spear worked in Aang's favor and cut the ropes that tied his hands together.

"Aww yeah!" he shouted. He jumped up to the crew member and blew him onto the deck. He began running through the halls of the ship, having to fight many guards, in search of his glider. And finally, he found it. He ran in, but the door slammed behind him.

"Hello, Avatar."

And back to Katara and Sokka...

"He can't fly," said Sokka.

"Yes he can!" said Katara.

"Really? Fly. Soar. Ascend."

"What did he say...?" wondered Katara.

"Oh, I remember!" screamed Sokka.

"What is it?" asked Katara excitedly.

He gave her a look as if she were crazy. "I'm not gonna say that!"

Back on Zuko's ship...

"I have a name, ya know," said Aang.

Zuko began to rapidly shoot fire at Aang, but nothing hit him.

"I get the feeling you aren't happy to see me." Aang said.

Zuko continued to not hit Aang.

"Chill out, Whitey Ford!" exclaimed Aang. "You're gonna burn this whole ship down!"

Zuko laughed at him. "Do you really think the Fire Nation would use ships that could burn?! You are quite stupid, Avatar"

"Actually, I said that to mean that you're using a lot of fire, but I guess you didn't get that. And if I'm stupid, that must make you a damn fool, because at least this stupid Avatar has a strategy."

Zuko shot multiple fire blasts at him after that.

And back to Appa...

"Come on, Sokka!" said Katara. "We need to help Aang."

"I can't say it." he replied. "There are some things that just shouldn't be said."

"How would you know? Before Aang you had never heard that word!"

He shrugged. "It just feels wrong."

"I swear, if you don't get us flying in five seconds, you'll be feeling wrong in a whole different way!"

He shook his head and looked over his shoulders. He took a deep breath in.

"G... Go nigger, go!" Nothing happened.

"Try saying it louder." suggested Katara.

"No way," he said. "Someone will definitely hear me!"

She shook her head. "We're in the middle of nowhere and you're worried about being heard? By who? The fish?!"

"Fine. I'll keep trying..."

Meanwhile, on the ship...

Zuko had just finished another barrage of fire before he fell to his hands and knees.

"And this is where my strategy kicks in," said Aang happily.

"Wh-what?!" asked Zuko.

"What? Did ya think I was dodging you all that time for my health? No. Ya see, I knew you'd ware yourself out after a few minutes. Now you can't even stand or breath. I win. Learn from this that the brain will always overpower the muscles, for it controls them." Then Aang kicked him in the head and blew him into the wall. "And boom goes the dynamite."

He walked out onto the deck and was greeted by five crew members. He made quick work of them.

And back again to Appa...

"I don't think he flies," said Sokka.

"He does!" argued Katara.

"Then you give it a bash."

"Fine." she cleared her throat. "Go nigga, go!"

Appa then leaped out of the water and flew!

"But I was saying the same thing!" whined Sokka.

"You were pronouncing it wrong."

Back to ship AGAIN

Aang was about to leave on his glider when he heard a voice call him.

"Wait right there!"

Behind him stood Zuko... Kinda.

"I challenge you... to a Gung-Fu duel!"

Aang shook hid head. "Learn to give up."

"If you try to escape I will shoot you out of the sky... You have no choice to to do hand to hand battle with me."

"Best three out of five?" he asked.

Zuko nodded. "When my uncle says three, we begin."

They bowed to each other.

"One," said Iroh. "two... three!"

Aang punched him in the face, then kicked him in the face several times, then got him with a roundhouse kick that knocked him to the ground.

Zuko got up.

"One, two, three!"

Aang punched him in the face, then kicked him in the stomach, then punched him in the head.

Zuko barely got up.

"One, two......... Three!"

Aang kicked Zuko in the chin, and that was the end of it.

Then, right behind Aang's back, Appa landed.

"N...No." Zuko stammered as he tried to stand.

"You'll never learn," said Aang. After saying that, he slammed his glider on the deck and knocked Zuko in to the wall.

Aang jumped on Appa's back, and they were gone.

Then, the ship crashed (the captain was out cold).

Iroh looked around and yawned. "I need a nap."


"So, you're the Avatar?" asked Katara.

"Yeah." he replied quietly.

They were all quiet.

"Aang," said Sokka. "I'm sorry. It's just that-"

"It's okay, man," replied Aang. "I've already forgiven you. You were just trying to protect your sister.

"So, I guess we're even now that we saved you, huh?"

"Nope. Not even close," he said as he fixed his afro. "I saved you guys way more times, and I didn't even really need your back there."

"Oh..." said Katara.

They were quiet for a moment.

"But... Thanks anyway."

They were quiet again.

"So, the plan is that you and I will learn Waterbending, then I'll learn earth and fire. Cool?"

"You mean we can come with you?" she asked.

"Of course. You guys are like family... Besides, you guys still owe me for saving your lives."

They talked for hours after that.

"By the way," said Aang. "There's one thing that's still buggin' me."

"What?" asked Sokka.

"How'd you guys get Appa?"

"We just got on," said Katara.

Aang thought that over. "But that's impossible! I told Appa to stay on the iceberg! He was asleep! I came in on my glider! This makes no sense!"

"Just tell us your story later, Aang," said Sokka as he closed his eyes to sleep.

"B-... But... Oh, whatever."


  • The "Good observation, Watson" is a slight reference to Sherlock Homes. (even though he never actually said the famous "Elementary, my dear Watson" line.)
  • The first song Aang sung on the ship was a spiritual called (you guessed it) 'No More Auction Block For Me'. Bob Dylan used the same basic melody to write 'Blowin' in the Wind'.
  • The second was 'I Fought the Law' by the Crickets (recorded three months after Buddy Holly died). The covers by the Bobby Fuller Four and (my personal favorite version) the Clash became much more popular, however.
  • I came up with Aang's "I plead the fifth!" line while watching the Dave Chappelle skit where whites and blacks were switched and blacks got all the privileges. Toward the end of the skit, when Dave was being tried for dealing drugs, he answered every question with "I plead the fif!" and ended with a song about it.
  • Anyone get the "Go cry emo kid" reference?
  • Zuko was wrong. As you already know, the Fire Nation would definitely use ships that could burn.
  • Yes, I meant to spell it "Gung-Fu".

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