The Baby With Chest Hair
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The Adventures of Wang Fire


The Baby With Chest Hair

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Fire Lord Wang Fire

"What a miserable day!" Sokka said as he reeled in his fishing line and sighed as he viewed the dark rain clouds that were forming in the skies over Republic City. "Katara, can you ask Aang to use a little Avatar magic or spirit whatever to clear up the sky! This thunder is scaring away all the fish!" Katara tended to the plants on Air Temple Island while Sokka fished from the dock just a few feet away.

"You know..." Katara began. "You said you came here to help me with the gardening today," she said with a not so hidden hint of irritation. "And did you stop to think that maybe you are scaring all the fish away," she smiled.

Sokka turned to Katara and gave her an annoying glare. "Gardening is women's work. The men have to provide for the women folk!"

"This isn't the dark ages Sokka, we have a market in the city. If you want to be a 'Provider'..." She said sarcastically. "Go and get us some food from the market."

Sokka turned back to the water. "Nah, shopping is women's work!"

Katara turned red with anger, just as a loud burst of thunder rang out through the sky. She stomped over to the dock and grabbed Sokka by the shirt collar. "If you're going to act like a child, why don't you go play inside with the kids!" She yelled in his face.

There was a long silence while she held him and then it started raining. Her angry face was met by a shocked Sokka. But his shock did not last long. He smiled and said, "That sounds like a great idea little sister! The kid's are probably scared of the thunder and need a man around to keep them safe!"

Katara let go of Sokka and growled, "Ooo if Aang were here, he would, he would just-"

"Totally agree with me!" Sokka interrupted with a smile. "I'll go inside and look after the kiddies." He said as he walked toward the living quarters of the temple. Katara was left in the rain, grumbling to herself.

As soon as Sokka entered the door a terrified Kya grappled onto his legs. "It's so scary!" She screamed dramatically.

Sokka chuckled. "Shh, Kya. You'll wake Tenzin."

"But-but-but, we're all gonna die!

"Kya!" Sokka said, grabbing the girl and lifting her to his face. "Everything will be alright! It's just a storm!

Kya was puzzled. "I'm not scared of a wimpy storm! Bumi said he was gonna beat me up!"

"What did you do to Bumi now, Kya?!"

"Um, nothing," she said, unconvincingly.

"Tell me the truth. Or I'll tickle you!" Sokka threatened.

"No, no not the tickling! Whatever you do don't tickle me!" The overdramatic child yelled. "I'll tell you everything! I called him normal. He hates being called normal," she admitted.

"Where is he now?"

"He's in his room, listening to the radio," she said. Sokka put down little Kya who then ran outside to join her mother in the rain. Sokka took the short walk to the hallway and found Bumi alone on his bed with the radio loudly blaring a pro-bending match.

"What's wrong Kiddo?" Sokka asked, suddenly becoming his rare serious self.

"Everyone thinks I'm boring because I can't bend. Kya makes fun of me all the time, and even baby Tenzin can airbend a sneeze into a wind blast. I can't do anything!" Bumi pulled his blankets over his head and began to cry.

"Have you ever the story of Wang Fire?" Sokka asked.

From under his covers Bumi replied, "Who's that?"

"Only the best detective slash soldier slash secret agent ever," Sokka said with excitement. "Oh, and he was a non-bender."

Bumi threw the covers off his head and stared at his uncle. "He was all those cool things and he was a non-bender!?"

Sokka smiled. "That's right kiddo. You want me to tell you the story?"

"Does it have action and fighting in it!"

"It has everything in it! Action, fighting, boomerangs, princesses!"

"Tell me! Tell me!" Bumi begged.

Sokka laughed and pulled a chair to Bumi's bedside. "Let's start at the beginning, shall we?"

No one knows exactly where Wang Fire came from. Some say we was an orphan born of a dragon and raised by Sun Warriors. Others say he was the Spirit of Manliness in human form. There are those that claim he was raised by saber-toothed moose lions and adopted by pirates. A lot of people believe he born of a virgin-

"What's a virgin!" Bumi interrupted.

Sokka hesitated. "it's a-a-. A very nice lady!"

"Momma's a nice lady! Is she a virgin!?"

"I just remembered, no one thought his mom was a virgin, let's just forget that part!"


"Where was I? Oh, yes I remember."

Wang Fire never drank milk, he sucked on the blood of freshly killed animals. When he was two he said his first word "Fight!" And the next day he said his first sentence, "Someone bring me some meat!" By the time Wang Fire was six years old, he was completely matured and ready to leave and forge his own destiny. The gypsies tried to offer him a weapon so that he could defend himself in the wild, but he refused, saying, "I can widdle a piece of wood into a stick and call it a sword and it will become one!" With that he left, and if he was capable of human sentiment, he would have thanked the Gypsies for the meat.

During Wang Fire's first night in the wild, he went toe to toe with an angry boarcupine. But after the beast saw that Wang Fire's back hair was bristlier than its own, it fled into the woods out of pure fear and shame. A week later Wang was attacked by a giant Pythoconda, and after six hours of wresting, the snake gave up and Wang beat it into submission and then rode it into the nearest town.

As soon as he reached town he noticed a giant evil spirit destroying the place. Wang saw this as a new challenge, so he approached the spirit and challenged it to a fight. The spirit laughed an evil feminine laugh (Because women are crazy), "You dare challenge me?! The great Spirit of womanly manipulation! You are not the avatar, you are not the bridge between our worlds! What gives you the right to insult me like this!?"

"Uncle Sokka? What's, womanly manipulation?

"You'll find out bud, you'll find out. Let's just get back to the story."

"Don't you know who I am?" Wang smiled. "I'm Wang Fire, I built the bridge!"

The spirit was disgusted yet intrigued by the gall of the man-child. "Very well. I will return tomorrow "Wang Fire", and when I do, I will destroy you and then every other man in this village!"

"You had better go practice," Wang said mockingly. The spirit growled and then with its many tentacles, it crawled and squirmed away into the dark forest.

A woman came running up to the man-child. "Oh, bearded boy! Please, take this as a token of my thanks! You will need it tomorrow!" From her blouse she pulled a shiny boomerang and presented it as a gift to Wang.

Wang fire took it and examined it. "This weapon pleases me, wench. I will save your town tomorrow and destroy this evil spirit that dare underestimate Wang Fire!"

Wang Fire had to prepare himself, so he ate the entire meat shop and drank the entire bar. But he was still hungry and thirsty so he went fishing and caught an unagi and ate it like sushi, then he distilled its blood and drank it like grape juice. By the time he had done these things and kissed every girl in town, it was noon the next day and the spirit had arrived.

"I am ready to do battle!" The spirit said. "However short it may be!"

Wang Fire chuckled. "It will be short alright. He threw his boomerang at the spirit's face, but it dodged it and attacked Wang with its tentacle, knocking him into a nearby building. He jumped out of the rubble and used a support beat to bash the creature on the back, then, he caught his boomerang when it came back to him and tossed it once more while the spirit was distracted by pain. The boomerang hit the monster square in the chest and it crashed to the ground. Wang Fire jumped on it and put it in a headlock.

"Please! Please don't send me back to the spirit world! My boyfriend will kill me! He hates me because he found out I kissed a handsome forest spirit behind his back!" The spirit pleaded.

Wang Fire loosened his grip. "Because I am in a good mood, I will release you! But you must promise to never hurt these people again!"

"Yes, I promise! Thank you Wang Fire! because you spared me, I will be your humble servant forever!" The spirit said.

"If you are to serve me, you cannot do it in this evil form!" Wang told her.

"I will leave this form and make your boomerang my new body and I will be with you always!" The spirit shed it's evil form and went into Wang's boomerang.

"You and I will make a great team!" Wang exclaimed. "But what should I call you!"

"Call me whatever you want Wang Fire!"

"I'll call you Booma, because you're a boomerang!" He shouted as he held Booma in the air.

Wang Fire and his Boomerang left the town and headed for the Fire Nation capital. Wang Fire was six after all and he needed a man's job. He was thinking of becoming Fire Lord, but he decided it would be too boring.

Sokka got up out of his chair and stretched. "That's all for now bud, I'm tired and hungry, I need some meat."

"Will you come back tomorrow and tell more about Wang Fire's Adventures, Uncle Sokka?" Bumi asked.

Sokka smiled, "Anything for you." And with that, he left.

(The Adventures of Wang Fire will continue!)

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