Tell it to the Frozen Wood Frogs
Chapter information

Avatar: The Last Black Dude





Written by

Jeff The Hippie

Release date

January 17, 1012

Last chapter

Lean On Me (Not the Glee Version)

"You're right," Aang said to Katara as he combed his hair. "Sokka needs medicine, and fast."

There Sokka lied, inside his sleeping bag, gently mumbling nonsense to himself on Appa's back.

"Not only is he sick," said Katara as she glanced at her brother from out of the corner of her eye, "but he's lost his mind as well. He just keeps saying the dumbest things."

"They should make a movie out of our journey," said Sokka, gazing at the roof over his head as if it were that of the Sistine Chapel, "but they should only cast a bunch of white people."

"I see what you mean," Aang said as he looked upon Sokka in an unsettled manner. "If I still had any herb left I could leave it here to keep Sokka's sickness at bay, assuming it would do anything and he'd use it, but alas, I've run out."

Abruptly, Bill jumped on Aang's back and started yelling right into his ear. Aang just stared at him once it was over.

"What'd he say?" asked Katara.

"He... Uh..." He had a hard time getting out. "He said that drug use destroys communities, societies, families, etc, and that even casual drug users should be taken out and shot."

Katara made a disturbed face before saying anything. "Shot with what?"

Aang shrugged. "He just said 'shot'. Anyway, I should get going."

He took about three steps before Katara stopped him. "Wait," she said, "leave Bill here. He'll just slow you down."

Aang shook his head in response. "He'll just bug you. Besides, one crazy companion is better than none." He hugged her and sped off.

He sprinted about half-way there, then stopped dead in his tracks, flinging Bill into the dirt in front of them.

"Do you... Do you feel that?" Bill shook his head and hopped back onto Aang's shoulder. "Yeah... Me neither." He walked on, constantly looking to his left and right. He was unsettled. The worst part was that he didn't know why.

Finally he arrived at the big stairs. They reached all the way into space.

"There's a lady who's sure," he sang, "all that glitters is gold. And she's-"

An unexpected noise cut him off. A twig or something snapping. He wasn't sure. He didn't stick around to find out. Without even batting an eye he bolted up the steps.

At long last he stumbled upon the one and only remaining step. Upon reaching the top he made an immediate halt, ceasing his deranged, fright-filled run. He stood there motionlessly, gasping for air, for ten seconds.

He surveyed the area; not a single other living being.

Eep! Bill shouted in Aang's ear.

"Untrue," Aang protested, "he's way more paranoid than me."

He rambled on about the area, which only further confirmed his theory that the place was just a teenage wasteland. It was then that they came upon a hut. It was worth a look, he thought.

He stepped inside to find an elderly woman stirring something in a bowel. He explained his dilemma to the woman and she told him her story about how she had been there for over forty years, everyone left, blah, blah, blah.

"So... Like a hippie commune then?"

"A what?" she replied.

"... Nevermind."

She went on to say some other boring stuff that Aang wasn't paying attention to while she made her cat's food.

After an excruciatingly elongated period of time she was finally finished making the grub.

"So, what kind of medicine are we gonna make?"

"Oh, you're friend just needs some frozen wood frogs is all."

Aang just stood there for a bit to make sure she wasn't kidding.

"You mean... I could have already saved my friends?"

She thought for a moment. "... Yeah, I guess so."

He said thanks and then ran off.

He zoomed down the steps, whizzing sounds surrounding him. Fast bugs, he thought. He began jumping, landing, and jumping over and over again to make the trip faster.

He got to the bottom and ran toward the water. It was then that he realized the whizzing and buzzing all around him wasn't bugs; they were arrows. Instinctively he began running in a zig-zag.

One arrow nearly struck Bill in the neck, so he ran inside Aang's shirt to hide.

Finally Aang reached the water, so he got to grabbing the frogs. When he did, he made sure not to get too deep into the water, for fear it would slow him down. He snagged about three frogs and high-tailed it out of there.

"It's a good thing that bad guys can't aim for crap, huh Bill?" he asked his furry friend. Then he hit the dirt. An arrow had gotten him in his Achilles Tendon.

"Nice try, boys," he said as he pushed himself up, "but it's only funny if it hits me in the knee."

Suddenly Bill jumped from his shirt, making a beeline for Sokka and Katara.

"No!" Aang yelled at him. "Sokka's defenseless!"

Bill turned around quickly, flipped him off just as fast, and scurried off.

There's no way I'm making it to Sokka, he thought. He had to try, though.

He turned toward the arrow-armed assassins and blew away all of the on-coming arrows. After that he started flinging air balls in the direction of where the arrows were coming from until they stopped. Then he leaped into the air, getting as close to them in one jump as he could at that time. Once he landed he sent a magnificent wave of wind at the team, assuring that they'd be blown far away.

He turned around and started hopping away like a scared bunny rabbit. Before he knew it, thought, the arrows began raining down again. Once more he blew them away, but he knew he needed a new trick, and fast. He took two big bounds and hid behind a large tree. All he could do now was pray to God for safety.

"I've believed in you all my life," he said on one knee with his hands folded and his eyes closed. "Please deliver me protection in my time of need, Neil DeGrasse Tyson."

TWANG! Their arrows stuck him to the tree! WHOOSH! The caught him like a fish in a net. He was finished.

Later, at the fiery tower of wrongdoings...

"So, this is the great Avatar," said Zhao once entering the room.

"Sup, muttonchops?" he replied casually, examining his bandaged up leg.

Zhao glared at him and moved on. "I don't know how you managed to elude the Fire Nation for a hundred years, but your little game of hide and seek... is over."

Aang was fuming. If laser vision was and element and he had it, Zhao would be dust by now. Since he didn't, though, he decided to take a more passive approach.

"Did you ever cogitate that perhaps the Fire Nation soldiers are simply not on par with what you affirm them to be?"

Zhao remained noiseless for a second, just staring at him in spite.

"I don't know what all of those words mean," he asserted as he got awkwardly close, "but I think you are mocking my great nation's troops."

"Well I'm not asking them out on a date."

Without even batting an eye he spat in the evil-doers eye. When Zhao stood up straight Aang sucked a ton of air between his cheeks and blew him into the steel door.

Zhao opened the door once he stood.

"Enjoy your room, Sambo!"

He slammed the door upon leaving.

Now it was time for Aang to begin his escape plan. Immediately after the door slammed he began cutting the chains with little saucer shaped things with his Airbending.

Muttonchops is dumber than he looks, he thought. Of course, you could never really expect a guy with what looks like squirrels' tails growing out of his cheeks to be able to think critically, but any hunter, trapper, or average third grader could figure out that putting an individual of both my physical and mental volume and capability in old, rusty, and generally unsubstantial shackles would be a feeble-minded decision.

After two more minutes of eroding the chains his arms were free. His legs were even easier to erode as he could use both of his hands at once to wear them away.

Free at last, he thought. Free at last.

"Ah!" he shouted within quick running distance of the doors. "Please don't kill me!" As he quickly as he could he got against the wall on the side where the door would open toward.

All four guards bolted in, confused at seeing nothing. The door closed behind them and Aang got to work. He ran to the closest one and struck him with a hammer fist to the hollow part of the back of his head, knocking him out cold instantly. Before he had even turned around to view Aang another guard had been knocked out by a swift punch to the jaw, courtesy of Aang. After dodging a few fire balls he executed a flawless butterfly kick and sent one guard to the floor, still perfectly conscious. He dodged three or four more fire balls before running up to the last standing guard and sweeping his legs. Once he hit the floor Aang slapped him with an inescapable arm-triangle choke. After he was out Aang ran to the last guard. He dodged one fire ball by jumping behind the man and from there hit him with a fantastic rear naked choke, putting him to sleep in about six seconds.

He then, as quickly as he could, ran up to the shortest guard, stripped him of his uniform, and put it on over his regular clothes.

As he escaped the room another man, all dressed in blue with an odd mask on, was about to enter. Probably a torturer, he thought. The man just stared at Aang, puzzled, he seemed. To help hide his identity he put his head down and put his hands behind his back.

After what felt like eons, the man finally entered the room, still looking a tad confused. Aang tried to run away, but bear in the big blue mask quickly emerged from the room and knocked Aang to the floor. His helmet flew from his head. All he could do now was stare up at the atrocious assassin. Then the blue man helped him up.

Aang was now as perplexed as the blue dude had been moments ago. Nonetheless the took a martial arts pose. The masquerading man shook his head.

What is up with this guy? Aang thought.

"Are you... Are you trying to help me?" he whispered.

Blue boy nodded.

"Good. Now I can take off this costume." He removed the uniform and threw it to the ground. The time of escape was upon them.

After lots of boring sneaking around they finally made it to the wall. They had made it a bit more than half way up the wall when the guards had spotted them and cut the rope they were using to climb up. Luckily Aang was able to cushion the fall with his Airbending.

"Ya know," he said as he stood up, "had you just grabbed my waist we probably could have gotten over with the use of my Airbending."

By the time they were both up the gate was closing and a wall of men were guarding it.

"Clearly these dudes don't understand how Airbending works," said Aang. Instantaneously after making that statement he blew the soldiers into two opposite directions with a massive gust of wind from each arm, parting them like the Red Sea.

They both ran for the slowest closing door in the world, but the sword-wielding warrior got surrounded by guards. Aang ran in, punching and kicking all of them. When he started there were only a few, but as the numbers rose he decided it made more sense to just blow them all away.

After doing so he grabbed hold of a fallen spear, broke the pointy end off, and catapulted his fighting friend over. He then ran up the wall and met the blue boy again. Aang again sent him over using the stick and his Airbending. With stick in hand he fought off the guards until they surrendered.

He looked down; the guards were prepared for him to try to run up the wall again. He always had a plan, though.

Once he ran down the wall he ran half-way to the next wall and pole-vaulted to the top.

"How many walls does this place have?!" he shouted hysterically.

The soldiers abruptly began scaling the wall.

"Well, I'm fresh out of ideas," he said as he took a seat on the floor.

His companion was able to keep the guards at bay for the time being, so Aang tried to come up with a plan.

"I got nothing," he said finally.

His blue companion turned around so fast that Aang was surprised he didn't get whiplash. He didn't speak a word (that was kind of his thing in case you couldn't tell), but Aang knew what he was trying to get across. He didn't wanna give up.

"No. I appreciate you trying to spring me loose, but they've fought us into a corner, and neither of us know how to escape. It's futile. I'll help you get out unharmed, though. That's it."

The flailing fighter shook his head so fast that it almost seemed like he was having a seizure, all the while making sure that no one got up to them.

"Listen," he said as he rose, a light but clear tinge of irritation in his voice, "I'm gonna be fine. If you get caught, they'll kill you. Understand? Dead. Zhao wouldn't kill me if his life depended on it. My offer to help you elude these fools s till stands, but after that, only one thing will be certain; I will fight no more fo-"

Suddenly the wheels in his cranium began spinning. "Bazinga," he said, his pointed toward the sky. "Never mind that stuff I was saying earlier. I have a plan."

After explaining the plan...

Aang's faceless friend tipped over one of the ladders. Aang blew the soldiers off the other two. Once they were taken care of the duo slid down their own ladder. Then they started walking toward the exit, fighting every the came toward them. When they had only a quarter of the place left to cross the silent swordsman put both swords to his throat. The entire place stopped. Just as they had expected the gate had been opened.

Before they even knew of what happened, the masked man was unconscious. Instinctively Aang created a large gust of wind to hide their whereabouts and ran off with his KO'd companion.

After the dust cleared...

"Hey, man," Aang said once his friend awoke. "I wondering if... Ya know, if you're just running by yourself... If you'd wanna join my group."

His confused comrade just stared at him.

"The Fire Nation's gonna be looking for you everywhere. I think it'd be smart to stay with people you know. It's safer."

He still just stared. No response. No feeling. No nothing.

"Don't worry, man. You're safe... For the time being, anyway. But you may find yourself in nee-"

WHOOSH! A giant blaze of fire just nearly hit Aang, but he was able to dodge it fast enough.

"Uh... Come to think of it... Maybe you should keep that lone wolf thing going. Peace."

Then Aang ran off into the trees, mulling over all the things that had happened to him recently. Cold, angry, just fine... He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he had a new reason to shut feelings out.

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